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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

unspeakably awful date

226 replies

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 11:48

I don't know why I didn't take my username's advice. Last night I went on a date with L. He was attractive and fun. We had a few drinks. I probably was a little tipsy, as was he. We kissed and held hands.
When he went to the bar, I nipped to the loo. When I'm tipsy I'm quite chatty. I made conversation with a tall guy asking him how tall he was. I wasn't flirting - I told him I was on a date and he'd met his girlfriend on the same site. When my date came back, the guy came over and introduced himself and showed us both pictures of his girlfriend.
When the bloke walked away, my date basically said I was a disgrace to talk to other men on a date and that it was the final nail in the coffin for him. My other faults were refusing to say how my last relationship ended, and not agreeing when he declared it was the best online date he'd ever had.
I ended up walking outside and sobbing in the street, while he just sat there, drinking his beer. The bloke from earlier saw me and was so disgusted by the guys behaviour, he paid for my taxi home, saying he wanted me to know there were good men in the world.
I got myself in such a state I even phoned the Samaritans last nightSad overreaction, but the guy's behaviour made me feel absolutely worthless.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/03/2015 11:51

If this is all it takes to merit Samaritans, please stop dating! Get some help. I'd have found this all hilarious, what a weirdo he is.

lemonyone · 28/03/2015 11:51

Oh poor you. That sounds like a shitty date.

Although it's no consolation right now, i'm thrilled that you found out really early what a dickhead this guy was! Imagine spending four months going out with him (say) and then finding out what a jealous, controlling freak he was.
What was the other man doing in the women's loo BTW?!

boxofissues · 28/03/2015 11:52

Oh dear what a nob he sounds! Lucky escape. Do not sob for this man

Online dating can be awful but it can be great fun too. Keep at it!

Sorry to hear you are so down - are you depressed op? You shouldn't feel worthless because someone else is a dick to you

whatlifestylechoice · 28/03/2015 11:53

Aw. I'm sorry you felt bad, but really you dodged a bullet there. That guy just sounds like a total arse. Forget him completely.

lemonyone · 28/03/2015 11:54

The only thing I would critique on your part is that if you are on a date, and you chatted to someone else long enough to get to the point of finding out about girlfriends etc, you must have left the date quite a while. Yes, he was at the bar, but if I was on a first date I don't know if I would love someone going off for extended periods chatting to randoms (male or female).

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 11:54

Expat I'm on anti depressants and having counselling and CBT. I was feeling great, but I think this date triggered off feelings of rejection. It's hard to know if you can cope with dating until you try it, I guess.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/03/2015 11:55

Well, this guy is a complete weirdo and a dickhead. Lucky escape there.

pocketsaviour · 28/03/2015 11:55

OP, I get that you're upset and I'm sorry that I actually find this quite funny and I hope one day you'll be able to look back on this and laugh at what a loser your date was.

However, I have to think that if this kind of arsehole is reducing you to tears, maybe you're not quite ready to be dating (again?) yet?

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 11:56

I didn't realise my date had come back from the bar. I think it was 'hello you're tall. I'm on a date. We met on x site.' Then he said 'I met my girlfriend there.' So I wasn't long.

OP posts:
dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 11:57

But if he didn't like it, it was his prerogative, I just thought leaving me crying in the street was awful.

OP posts:
hmc · 28/03/2015 11:57

When someone behaves like this it absolutely should not make you feel worthless and distressed. His behaviour should disgust you and a healthy reaction is to understand that it is his problem and not yours. If you are turning this in on yourself this is not good - are you sure you are ready to enter the foray of dating? (Meant kindly!)

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 11:59

The CBT was really helping, but last night really threw me. I think I just want one nice date, to make it right maybe

OP posts:
avocadotoast · 28/03/2015 11:59

Oh my goodness, that sounds awful Flowers he sounds like a straight up douchebag. Unfortunately I found that online dating is full of creeps like that Sad

Look after yourself today OP. You deserve better!

lemonyone · 28/03/2015 12:02

Ok, that doesn't sound a long time to be chatting! Your date was clearly a nobby nob and you really are better off out of it.

Can I ask though, are you otherwise well? To call the Samaritans after a date like that seems pretty emotionally fragile. Hope you are ok.

glittertits · 28/03/2015 12:02

How much did you drink? Not the chatting to the other guy stuff, but the sobbing in the street only seems to happen when somebody has had far too much.

Fundamentally, that guy was a grade A tossrocket and deserved laughing at, not crying over!

SylvaniansAtEase · 28/03/2015 12:03

Good God. What a massive bellend. Thank goodness for such an early performance, though - you could have wasted weeks on the guy.

I'd be tempted to send a message:

'Thanks for last night - so good to find out what a massive cock-end you are immediately and not waste any more time! Very relieved to never have to see you again, and so sorry for you that, unlike me, you don't get to walk away Sad All the best for your continued twattishness and a life far removed from any sane example of womanhood. Yours, Don'tcall'

Obviously I wouldn't bother.

Stop dating for a while, though. You need to be tougher - how on earth could you have ended up thinking that that awful performance in ANY WAY reflected on you? If you can't laugh, shake your head and say 'Err - thanks for that, perhaps it's best you fuck off now' - then you need to NOT be internet dating. Or perhaps ANY dating.

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 12:05

I'd had three small wines and a cocktail. I was definitely tipsy, but he'd had more than me. The alcohol definitely contributed to the crying, but until my date turned on me, it'd been having fun.

OP posts:
dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 12:06

I am still pretty fragile, clearly. I've just had bad experience after bad experience

OP posts:
isshoes · 28/03/2015 12:06

Hi OP. I agree with others that maybe you shouldn't be dating currently. I understand why you one 'one nice date to make it right', but as I'm sure you know, if doesn't really work like that. If you had a nice date but it didn't work out for some reason, would you currently be strong enough to write it off as an experience? I fear not. As cheesy as it sounds, I think you need to 'work on yourself' before venturing into the dog-eat-dog world of dating. Flowers

ratspeaker · 28/03/2015 12:06

If he made you feel that bad on a date imagine how awful he would be after a few weeks or months.
It seems like he was looking to find fault and probably enjoys putting people down.
And he sounds very controlling.
And weird
If he thinks that's the best online date he's ever had, well words fail me, unless he meant you were soooo lucky he chose to grace you with his presence that you should be falling over yourself saying he was the best person ever, that you would talk to no one else ever again.

SylvaniansAtEase · 28/03/2015 12:06

Ah sorry, seeing your updates, 'you need to be tougher' is not the most sensitive sentence. OP, take some care of yourself for a bit and stop dating as part of that. Other posters are right - you're not in the right place at the moment. And you sound FAR too lovely to be spending time allowing utter loser wankers to upset you.

Look at the way the other guy reacted - that's normal, that's the kind of guy you want to meet, and you will. But along the way, you probably will meet a fair few of the dregs too - like last night. Don't jump in until you aren't going to set yourself back xx

isshoes · 28/03/2015 12:07

*why you want

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 12:09

I think I'm just a bit gutted, I blamed myself when my last relationship ended, did loads of CBT and then that happened and I feel as if the therapy hasn't worked.

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 28/03/2015 12:09

The guy sounds not only controlling and weird, but utterly without any kind of social ability. I mean, even if you're controlling and weird, you'd usually manage to not start berating someone for not behaving a certain way on the first date WHILE YOU WERE STILL THERE ON SAID FIRST DATE, IN PUBLIC! - essentially, he had a tantrum in public at a virtual stranger for not behaving the way he wanted, when he was supposed to be impressing them, getting to know them, on best behaviour.

Nutjob central!!

lemonyone · 28/03/2015 12:09

Sylvainian, isshoes and rat speaker put it well.
He's a nob.
Take care of yourself.