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unspeakably awful date

226 replies

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 11:48

I don't know why I didn't take my username's advice. Last night I went on a date with L. He was attractive and fun. We had a few drinks. I probably was a little tipsy, as was he. We kissed and held hands.
When he went to the bar, I nipped to the loo. When I'm tipsy I'm quite chatty. I made conversation with a tall guy asking him how tall he was. I wasn't flirting - I told him I was on a date and he'd met his girlfriend on the same site. When my date came back, the guy came over and introduced himself and showed us both pictures of his girlfriend.
When the bloke walked away, my date basically said I was a disgrace to talk to other men on a date and that it was the final nail in the coffin for him. My other faults were refusing to say how my last relationship ended, and not agreeing when he declared it was the best online date he'd ever had.
I ended up walking outside and sobbing in the street, while he just sat there, drinking his beer. The bloke from earlier saw me and was so disgusted by the guys behaviour, he paid for my taxi home, saying he wanted me to know there were good men in the world.
I got myself in such a state I even phoned the Samaritans last nightSad overreaction, but the guy's behaviour made me feel absolutely worthless.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 28/03/2015 12:53

Honestly Op it's how it got!! Shock

However there is the very odd nice one out there.

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 12:56

I don't want to be zany, I think alcohol turns me into someone else

OP posts:
paxtecum · 28/03/2015 12:58

Did you just stop taking the ADs or did you wean yourself off the?

Probably best to meet for coffee in future and avoid alcohol.

Only1scoop · 28/03/2015 12:59

It certainly has a habit of making me talk ten to the dozen and think I'm incredibly amusing Confused

Yes you may have had a few drinks but you did nothing wrong last night.

When's your next date lined up?

OldFarticus · 28/03/2015 13:03

OP I am a gobshite chatterbox and I often end up gabbing to randoms when I am out with my DH. Your date is a douche. You have dodged a bullet and I hope that one day you have a good laugh about this.

BUT you need a hide like a bloody rhinoceros for online dating so I think you should give it a rest until you are feeling better. (If it makes you feel better, I was once blown out by a date in the fucking car park of the place where he wanted to meet. Spent half the day getting ready Angry Another douchebag!)

SolidGoldBrass · 28/03/2015 13:05

Another vote here that you stay away from dating for the moment. You are much, much too fragile given that your reaction to last night's buckethead was to cry rather than howl with laughter at him. To be honest, you are not safe if you date at present, because you are too likely to interpret any unpleasant or abusive behaviour from a date as 'your own fault'.
What do you like to do, OP? Are you interested in history, music, photography, gardening? FInding some sort of social club for people who share your interests would be a good thing: build up an easy-going sort of social life to increase your confidence. Good luck.

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:05

I love chatting to randoms. Dating feels like a game where I don't know the rules.

OP posts:
Letmejustsaythis · 28/03/2015 13:09

Haven't you posted on here before about how your drinking has got you into trouble with boyfriends?

CharlotteCollins · 28/03/2015 13:09

I think feeling lonely is a good reason NOT to date.

Once you feel happy with your life and confident in yourself, then you're ready.

(I speak as someone who is unlikely to be ready for years!)

lemonyone · 28/03/2015 13:15

Dontcall - do you have a good group of friends? Going out on a drinky evening with them means that you can chat with randoms and also make sure that you have your mates around you to have fun. Perhaps one-to-one online dating isn't the right thing for you right now.

TeapotDictator · 28/03/2015 13:15

If drinking wine turns you into someone else, and you find it too hard to stop, then these are two very good red flags reasons why you ought to seriously consider stopping. Why does it feel hard to stop? Sometimes the things that feel hardest to contemplate doing are those that bring the benefits we need the most.

blueberrypie0112 · 28/03/2015 13:21

Sounds to me this guy was not meant to be. He wasn't interested in making work.

blueberrypie0112 · 28/03/2015 13:23

If it turn you into someone else, then don't drink.

Cabrinha · 28/03/2015 13:23

3 glasses of wine and a cocktail is a lot of alcohol.
Even without your hindsight now that this guy was an arsehole, you put yourself in a vulnerable position.
It's really important to keep your wits about you on an early date - not dull them with alcohol!

Commenting a stranger's height in a bar is a bit odd, tbh - I think that comes under alcohol inspired zany behaviour. This guy certainly sounds like a total wanker, but I'd be unimpressed if my first date was off chatting to another woman, tbh. I suspect without alcohol you wouldn't have been.

Tbh, I'm as concerned about the guy you were talking to! Coming over and showing you his girlfriend's picture when he knows you're on a date? And I certainly wouldn't have been letting him pay for a taxi! Though coming out to check on you could be nice behaviour. But he was obviously watching what was going on. Which seems a bit odd.

Don't ever get tipsy on a first date.

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:25

I write a bit. Only problem is, my book's about dating. Could go to writers' group, Monday.
letme, yes. I had a go at my ex when I was drunk for cancelling dates and once embarrassed him when I was drunk. I don't drink to those levels now. Seems odd that I can't give up when I'll happily go for weeks without a drink if I'm not going out. My friends are all coupled up and don't go out.
I've attached a couple of my stories. I'll write this one up tonight

unspeakably awful date
unspeakably awful date
OP posts:
Letmejustsaythis · 28/03/2015 13:27

If you embarrass people when you are drunk, did this guy have a point?

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:29

Maybe he did, letme. I don't think I was - he was just angry that I was talking to a man

OP posts:
dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:29

I don't think he handled it well - regardless.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 28/03/2015 13:35

No, he handled it badly. But staying inside with his beer after you'd left to go outside crying... well, on a first date if I felt my date had got drunk and (in my view) started chatting up another guy, I don't think I would be rushing out either.
Especially not if seconds later the tall guy I thought you'd been talking to was out there with you!

He's an arsehole, you don't berate a first date, you just say "thank for a nice evening, I don't really feel a spark but it's been fun - good luck". I have no doubt you got a bad 'un. And great to find out quickly. But you need to be much more careful. You were already holding hands and kissing this guy. Stay sober, and hold back more. Not in any silly game playing way! But until you can make a proper judgement of them.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 28/03/2015 13:40

He sounds like an arsehole.
You are worth more but I don't think you believe that. You can't look to someone else to give you value. You need to know you are valuable on your own before finding someone to share yourself with.
Handing over you self esteem to be managed by someone else is too much responsibility for them.
Good luck.

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:41

I feel a bit of an idiot. I think I'm going round and round in circles

OP posts:
lemonyone · 28/03/2015 13:44

Dontcall - I think quite a few people would be a bit cheesed off if their date was chatting (?up) someone on their first date. It doesn't justify him being a twunt, but again, it does make me wonder that perhaps dates for you and alcohol are not a good mix.
I drink at the weekends, and 3 glasses of wine (lets be honest, those small glasses are about twice as big as the 'small glasses' back in the 70s) and a cocktail would have me pretty garrulous. Definitely stick to coffee and be driving for the near future.

dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:49

I can't drink. Feel humiliated really. He was drinking the same as me, but he's 6'3 And I'm 5'6

OP posts:
dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:50

I don't see it improving if I'm honest. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone. I can't seem to sort my behaviour.

OP posts:
dontcallnotdating · 28/03/2015 13:53

I also still have feelings for my ex. I also have a vague memory of tall guy taking me somewhere/a club with his friends and holding my handShock but when I said I didn't want to go, he put me in a taxi home. I think in my mind, if I don't intend to do anything bad, it's ok. I think I need constant validation of my attractiveness when I'm drunk. In my mind I was just being friendly, but maybe that guy was a bit predatory too

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