Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

God knows what I've done wrong now!

563 replies

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:20

hi to all
I've got a thread on here about my toxic mother but I'm not sure my dp is much better, can I think aloud and people give me their opinion
take today for example he's staying over as we are going to visit family in the morning for the weekend
he's been off work all week but I've not seen him since Saturday as he's been "busy"
he was meant to come last night but cancelled as his ex threatened if he didn't have his son while she went drinking he wouldn't be seeing him again
so hes coming tonight ive spoken to him a few times today and he's just so angry all the time bites my head off for the smallest thing
the only thing I have done today is say oh probably in a bit of a dissapointed voice when he said he had to go and see his mum at 8 so no idea when he will get here...infact his words were ill be there when I'm there stop putting pressure on me ( I havent seen him all week! )
he's bringing a takeaway so I guess he will call when he's there to ask what I want but he has literally bit my head off in every single conversation today!
I said are you going to be in a better mood or be nice when you get here, I didn't mean it to be patronising I just wanted a heads up and his reply was yeah if u do this this and this and don't do this or this
surely there shouldn't be so many rules for someone to just be kind???
I have no idea why he's so angry/nasty atm

OP posts:
Charley50 · 09/04/2015 10:19

Omg! He remembered that you forgot to remind him of the doctors appointment but forgot the actual appointment?!!!
Has he heard of reminders, alarms? Just keep ignoring the arsewipe. Well done!

pictish · 09/04/2015 10:26

He's going to get angry now. And nasty too I'll wager. Are you ready for this?

Stormtreader · 09/04/2015 10:34

The conversation to the answering machine is quite telling isnt it? He doesnt talk TO you, he talks AT you, he can still have the same conversation he would have had even when its not you listening....

Eggrique · 09/04/2015 10:41

I've had a shitty msg saying he missed his docs appt because of me

That's laughable.

Although in a way he's saying that you OP, are such an important person. You can run his life for him like a personal assistant, you have the power to make him fancy you more (if you change) you affect his moods.

How very tiring all that responsibility must be.

You're doing well realizing that you don't have to put up with all this rubbish.

Personally I really wouldn't engage or respond to him, I'd save myself the aggro. If there's a need to finish and draw a line under things then I'd restrict myself to a very simple 'we want different things out of our relationships and from life'

Remember you don't have any obligation to explain yourself or to make things harder for yourself either.

cozietoesie · 09/04/2015 10:51

pictish

I think it will be all words and although they might be a tad unpleasant now, he sounds basically like a real coward so I suspect he would be ......mindful...... of mum's employment and perhaps a little more restrained than he might otherwise be.

You're really 'seeing' him now, mum ?

PlumpingIsQuiteUpForThud · 09/04/2015 11:08

Well done mum, that's some excellent arse avoidance Grin

Now make sure you don't start feeling sorry for him or saying things like 'he's not that bad really'. He is that much of a pathetic lazy arse, REALLY!

CharlotteCollins · 09/04/2015 11:26

You're doing so well and seeing him clearly still.

So, do you feel strong enough for a text saying it's over today?

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 09/04/2015 12:13

Don't worry I'm still finding him pathetic rather than feeling sorry for him

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 09/04/2015 12:46

Welcome to the "it's all your fault club" mumto3!

it's noted too that he STILL hasn't asked what's going on with you. Which is good. It's a constant reminder that he's a nasty waste of time. The rage will probably start today. Accusations too.

I think you might find the words "it's over" slipping effortlessly out of your fingertips soon enough. No need to explain or talk in person. As cozie said, I think he'll slide away after he's been through the various scripts deployed by losers.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 09/04/2015 13:03

I've already had guess you're too busy talking to someone else to reply and who was I talking to on whatssap last night.....I haven't replied
it helps him being such a twat as every msg I dislike him more
his cruelness doesn't seem to hurt as much today I dont know why....

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/04/2015 13:05

You're seeing him more for what he is, that's why. And becoming stronger in yourself.

Those won't go away now.

orangeformica · 09/04/2015 13:06

Keep ignoring- you're doing great! He must be feeling his power slipping away.

TendonQueen · 09/04/2015 13:19

What did his last slave die of? Grown ups remember their own appointments.

Silence is the best reply. The only other one would be "stop moaning, I can't deal with whingers' Grin You're doing well.

pictish · 09/04/2015 13:30

I think "fuck off you ridiculous baby" would be ace, but I know it'll only lead to further debate.

Still though, making his missed appointment your responsibility. Just. Fuck. Off.

cozietoesie · 09/04/2015 13:46

Oh every piece of bad or indifferent fortune in his life will shortly be put down to mum. Grin

Boomerwang · 09/04/2015 14:15

Had this thread on 'watch' for a while, and it's staying there until I'm satisfied that you've finally broken free from this waste of time, Mum!

Keep at it. Can you feel the power transferring from him to you? As others have said, he will change tactics soon and start to verbally attack you and as he becomes more desperate he might stoop low. Please remember it's all part of the plan he has to get you back under control, and stay strong.

cozietoesie · 09/04/2015 14:24

I actually think/hope he'll slope off when he's constructed a suitable exit story for himself. (Those 'accusations' in his messages about talking to another man and being on Whatsapp were quite telling to my mind.) He's the sort that couldn't possibly believe that he in himself wasn't wanted so I would be guessing that within a few days, mum will have 'gone off with a richer guy' etc etc.

It pretty well has to be that - preferably inherited wealth of some sort so that he can paint himself as a worthy son of the soil turned over by a 'mercenary bitch who was only after one thing'. And shortly to be dumped by said rich milksop but He 'won't be fooled again'. Grin

Coyoacan · 09/04/2015 14:57

Well done, OP, very well done.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 09/04/2015 16:55

Cozie, that sounds reasonable. This is the man who has no idea he is a bad dog owner, so he will have no idea how crap at being a boyfriend he is either.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 09/04/2015 18:06

hes an idiot hes now txting asking if I'm still cooking him dinner tomorrow night and whether ive drunk his beers he left at mine as if I have I can replace them!
oh and he wanted to take me to ikea sat....great!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/04/2015 18:31

Keep on ignoring him.

('His' beer. Grin )

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 09/04/2015 18:49

hes such a self entitled prick who the hell has made him believe he is far more important than anyone else on this earth? .... pls dont say me!
I can cook him dinner tomorrow n replace the 2 beers me and my neighbour drank monday wtf! I prob spend about 30/40 or so quid on him a week buying ingredients for his dinners ( he doesnt offer to pay half ) and giving him fags etc as he always turns up with none plus buying him beers when I'm cooking
thats the 1st time in ages hes bought his own beer and he wants me to replace it!
sorry I know none of this matters just ranting what a twat he is!

OP posts:
PlumpingIsQuiteUpForThud · 09/04/2015 18:50

I'd be tempted to put 'his' beers outside the front door with a little bow on for him to collect, but I don't know what your area is like - they may be nicked!

Maybe do that if he threatens to come over Grin

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 09/04/2015 18:52

No, he made him believe this all by himself. Not you.

Rant away, I like the ranting Smile

PlumpingIsQuiteUpForThud · 09/04/2015 18:52

Sorry, x-posted.

He'll be desperate for you to take him back, he can't afford this lifestyle on his own!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread