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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

God knows what I've done wrong now!

563 replies

mumto3beautys · 27/03/2015 19:20

hi to all
I've got a thread on here about my toxic mother but I'm not sure my dp is much better, can I think aloud and people give me their opinion
take today for example he's staying over as we are going to visit family in the morning for the weekend
he's been off work all week but I've not seen him since Saturday as he's been "busy"
he was meant to come last night but cancelled as his ex threatened if he didn't have his son while she went drinking he wouldn't be seeing him again
so hes coming tonight ive spoken to him a few times today and he's just so angry all the time bites my head off for the smallest thing
the only thing I have done today is say oh probably in a bit of a dissapointed voice when he said he had to go and see his mum at 8 so no idea when he will get here...infact his words were ill be there when I'm there stop putting pressure on me ( I havent seen him all week! )
he's bringing a takeaway so I guess he will call when he's there to ask what I want but he has literally bit my head off in every single conversation today!
I said are you going to be in a better mood or be nice when you get here, I didn't mean it to be patronising I just wanted a heads up and his reply was yeah if u do this this and this and don't do this or this
surely there shouldn't be so many rules for someone to just be kind???
I have no idea why he's so angry/nasty atm

OP posts:
Original poster
mumto3beautys · 08/04/2015 23:05

thank u Smile I do feel wobbling a bit just worry wise as I'm not used to not caring but ill stand strong

OP posts:
Jux · 08/04/2015 23:10

Yay! Well done, mum! You're doing brilliantly. you are keeping all the texts, messages and whatever else aren't you? You may need it all later.

cozietoesie · 08/04/2015 23:10

One point - in all of these messages he's left for you, how many of them asked about you and the kids as opposed to him talking about himself?

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 08/04/2015 23:12

hes not once mentioned me....apart from to say id be better off without him
yes keeping all msgs... I'm hoping they wont be needed tho he doesnt actually want me so I doubt hes gonna stalk me or anything

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 08/04/2015 23:13

Sounds as if he's concerned about himself enough for the both of you then. You're absolved. Smile

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 08/04/2015 23:16

yeah I think I am Smile lol
he keeps asking do I think hes got depression? erm no I think ur a twat depression seems a bit of an easy excuse esp when u can turn it on and off like he does!

OP posts:
arowhena · 08/04/2015 23:21

Stay strong and don't answer and don't worry! If you Google a page called "am I dating an ass clown" you can use it to turn his mood swing messages into a game of bullshit bingo.

cozietoesie · 08/04/2015 23:22

Whatever is up with him - although I'm inclined to think that you're right and he's just a twat - it's not your responsibility.

What time do you plan to turn off the ringer on the phone and go to bed? No reason for you to stay up all night especially if you're working tomorrow.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 08/04/2015 23:24

I'm going to lie in bed and watch a film soon....
lol at the bullshit bingo!!! x

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 08/04/2015 23:26

Good for you.

tipsytrifle · 08/04/2015 23:30

wow - I wasn't expecting this rebellion of yours quite yet! Bloody well done on the ignoring. Amazing how straightforward it can be to stop jumping through hoops. To know utterly that this is YOUR phone and time and you can do or not do whatever you choose.

Bullshit bingo is indeed a fantastic game to play! You haven't even hit on the Real Rage yet - oh joy, take a front row seat.

You may well get a taste for your freedom from today's experiment. I'm impressed!

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 08/04/2015 23:34

Thank you so much Smile

tonight is one of only maybe a couple ive gone to bed without saying night to him since the day we 1st spoke feels weird.....but not as bad as I thought it would tbh

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 08/04/2015 23:37

sshhhh ... can you hear the hum of MN-ers saying "night" to you instead? Enjoy ...

arowhena · 08/04/2015 23:42

You don't need a goodnight call from eeyore on crack AKA STBXP.

GirlDownUnder · 08/04/2015 23:46

Wow mum I'm well impressed. I wasn't sure what I'd wake up to on your thread, and here you are owning him!

Let him talk to your phone as much as he wants too, it's only making him more of a joke right. I bet he's starting to make you cringe a little.

What does he usually do / say to suck you back in? And how can we preempt that?

I hope you don't see this til tomorrow cos you're sleeping soundly now.

GirlDownUnder · 08/04/2015 23:48

eeyore on crack Grin

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 09/04/2015 08:01

Bloody well done! Seriously great ignoring!

Isn't it interesting that it's clear to him that something is up with you. But he hasn't once tried to find out what is up or tried asking how he can make things better for you? It's ALL about him ALL THE TIME.

And I agree with 43percent about him chucking all his tricks at the wall all at once (great way of putting it!) makes him look like the tosser he is.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 09/04/2015 09:17

well ive woken up to nothing further.... I'm guessing that wont be the end of it tho
he has a docs appt at 9:30am he wanted me to wake him up for n I havent so I guess ill get some crap for that

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 09/04/2015 09:22

The only end to this will be when you terminate the relationship. He really has no other way of being in a relationship whether canine or human.
Do you plan to ignore him today as well?

Don't accept any crap from him mumto3. That's not your job in this precious life.

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 09/04/2015 09:25

yes I'm ignoring him still and will continue to hes a nasty vicious bully
I'm sure the anger will start today as the self pity didnt work

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 09/04/2015 09:27

Enjoy your day at work. It must feel good to be/be treated as an independent and thinking human being for a few hours.

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 09/04/2015 10:05

Mum, I'm sitting here with pompoms rooting for you! YOU CAN do this! one day at a time, you've now managed 1 day, next is day 2! Try visualising next week this time, when all the shackles will have finally come off.

pocketsaviour · 09/04/2015 10:10

Well done mumto3 ! Keep on ignoring Star

Original poster
mumto3beautys · 09/04/2015 10:13

I've had a shitty msg saying he missed his docs appt because of me so thanks for that!

OP posts:
Aussiemum78 · 09/04/2015 10:17

Pffft. Tell him to get an alarm clock.

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