HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 4

[WellWhoKnew]

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew (known here as everyone's bloody mother!). I was suddenly abandoned nearly eleven months ago. I've just had the final hearing (finished five days ago) and I am now officially an ex-wife. I now have to start making plans for a very different future than I ever imagined, which includes moving home, getting a job, and leaving the deadwood behind.

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on, keeping on.

Part three

Part two

Part one

Fuckit he sounds an absolutely spiteful cunt of the highest order. You can't believe a word of that. Taking him back after an affair will have damaged your self esteem in so many ways. You're trying to do your best, but it doesn't seem to be good enough. It's not you, it's him, my love. Take it from someone who has been there.

The words of your ex speak volumes. About him.

Hobbit a dating site? Hmm takes all sorts. I think this could be of interest to Choosy Floozie.

Anyway, why were you in a dating site?? Only joking.

Morning everyone. You ladies are keeping me sane. I'm so grateful. I don't really do fb or any other kind of social media - despite encouragement from kids - dd is trying to get me to sign up to snapchat. I just started to google divorce. Wasn't even a member of nm until I happened upon your thread but you are literally lifesavers. Thank you.

Liking the pics.

bobs thanks for all info. A massive relief that DCs education not up the swanny if OH -twunt1 - turns out to have a whole other agenda other than being supportive and responsible x.

iwashappy I'm going to tell head after hols. I do feel humiliated as well as all those other emotions that we discuss here. However, she's a kindly lady and will be supportive I'm sure.

wwk he -twunt1- is away in week a fair bit anyway and he's also started getting train to London on Sunday evenings telling me and kids that he has a really early Monday a.m. meeting so it is easier. I find life hugely easier when he's not home. In fairness he has offered to get a flat nearer to one of his firm's offices and explain to kids that he needs to for business purposes. I've resisted this as I know he would just spend a ton of cash - that we don't really have - in the process.

My dear parents are literally the salt of the earth. Mum bought me vitamins yesterday. Chatted over house situ. It's tricky, on the one hand it's the DC's home on the other it's a massive commitment to take on financially and logistically should 'shit hit fan' and OH is indeed living a double life. Didn't let my m and d know of my suspicions on that front- they would barricade the front door themselves if they though that.

What's he like?? The loving, kind, generous, quirky, intelligent and sexy boy that I married and adore (d) - friends used to say (don't laugh) Tom Cruise. Never thought it myself-except the eyes.

The 49 year old stranger that is my husband - balding, overweight - although exercising a lot - in fact he's out running with dog at the moment- domineering, vain, selfish - I could go on.......

Am still helplessly in love though.

Easter going to be tricky. Chin up everyone. Thankfully no excuses needed for chocolate consumption this weekend.

Twunt1 unbelievably asked if I was Internet dating the amount of time I've been on iPad compared to normal. He has no idea. Another man......at the moment......ever?????

1 I totally agree with your first paragraph. I don't do any social media either. I'm on twitter but only follow, and only used it for traffic info etc. I came across MN when looking for advice re DIY, via Google search. Eventually found the relationships thing, had a quick look, went off, then one day found iwas thread.

If you have to move, so be it. But that's for the future. Staying out in the interim will give your youngest a chance to absorb things. My sons, young adults, initially wanted to stay here. After five months they are not quite so bothered. In fact DS2 and I talked about moving further out approx an hours drive from where we are.

Staying put, not out

You know the expression, something like:

You marry a decent man and divorce a twunt

I really must start painting now. Be back during a break. Xx

Oh and we all love our very special Hobbit who lets us share her thread

Mwah

fuckit You have every right to feel like you do. You poor thing. I think the holiday remarks hurt the most. Mine has booked a weeks holiday for this summer to exactly the same place that we went to last year - he's hoping the DCs will go with him. I said that I didn't know how he could return somewhere with such recent happy memories. We had a lovely holiday last summer - he said that his happy memories were of being with DCs - not me!! It's called rewriting history. I refuse to believe him. I think it justifies his actions. I certainly don't remember tying him up and bundling him into car kicking and screaming...but do remember holding hands with him on beech and laughing with him over his ice bucket challenge in a freezing sea....oh God crying now.

1ali I'm sorry it's hard when they do what you did together but replacing you with OW. I'm not surprised you are upset about your holiday memories on the beach. I saw my ex-DH with OW down the beach with our dog recently, they were all tactile with each other and laughing together. It was like a knife through my heart seeing them laughing on the beach like we used to do, we weren't overly tactile in recent years so it was even harder seeing them like that with each other.

It's like they are carrying on with their life as if nothing has happened, it's just with a different woman. Any man who is upsetting you the way he is now is not worth your tears and yes I know I need to take my own advice

iwashappy I can't imagine what that must have been like. Mine doesn't admit to OW at present although it is the only rational explanation. He said he was going on holiday alone if kids wouldn't go with him. Do I believe him??? No, he hates being alone. He said he'd need a break from this 'nightmare' by the summer. He'd need a break.....you've got to laugh really.

Anyway I'm off out with dd and ds2 to use the national trust family cards that we bought on the holiday, that he didn't like being with me on, just last summer.....'He's going to garden' he said. 'Good' I said. I'm learning.

to all and thank you again.

Rewriting history. Absolutely. If it's not in the MLC script, it should be.

Taking someone else to the same place they used to go with their family....Green has had that, more than once. As she says, very unoriginal!

But then we all know, and some of us are still learning, that MLC man is a cliche. Originality is certainly not in the script. Neither are brain cells.

I am shamelessly posting without reading previous posts and I'm sorry. I keep meaning to catch up but have been in a battle for the past two weeks with solicitors.

So I have just found out that OW is going to call her baby a slight variation on the name we would have called our third child. It is also very similar to my middle name. What does this mean? Is it some attempt to hurt me? I don't get it.

The child is due any day now. I just want it to be over with so I can move on, again.

I hope everyone is ok and doesn't mind me running in to the bar, shouting my woes, downing a glass of wine and sitting in the corner sobbing.

family there are no rules on here. You feel free to do whatever you want. In fact that is the ONLY rule.

The name, it could be nothing. If it's a name the ex likes, then you can see why. I assume you didn't lose a baby? I hope not.

You're under a lot of pressure, two major traumatic events at once. Try to remember that a baby is hard work, so you know it won't be a bed of roses there.

No sorry I meant it would have been a name we would have used had we had another child (or a different sex). It just feels odd. I think if it had been me, I would have been sensitive to my ex and not used a name we had planned ourselves. It wasn't just he liked the name - it was very meaningful to both of us for other reasons too.

I guess there is no reasoning the unreasonable. I will have to leave them to it and try and find my own way.

How are you doing Izzie?

You said it all in your above post really. They really are scummy.

I'm doing ok thanks, nicely detaching, although have my moments.

hi all - havent caught up either ladies -sorry - feeling a bit down today - have come to the conclusion that not only does stbxh have no respect for me but he cant have any for his kids either or himself come to that because his behaviour is just beyond belief. He is off gallivanting whilst blatantly lying to his kids - does he really think they are that gullible, that he can treat them like he is and they are just going to accept this. He has no idea! There is no way that I am going to let them think that this is in anyway acceptable behaviour no matter what justifcations he can come up with! I would be ashamed if my kids grew up to treat people how he currently is!
I used to believe in him - no amount of professional adoration, professional success, flashy labels or lifestyle can make up for what is underneath - a cheat & a continual lier who is in denial about what he really is - a very very pitiable example of a human being!

MY SHL has finally shown me her metal - long email gone to his all about abusive behaviour at 9.40pm last night.

I hope the metal she is showing is steel, Green my love, as in balls of!
As Family has quite rightly said, there is no reasoning with the unreasonable, there is also no knowing the unknowable, why they do the things they do is unfathomable to us decent folks, so there's no point trying to do it.

They do it because they want to and they can, that's all there is to it, whether it's cheating or lying or failing their responsibilities to their children.

Hello Family, pull up a chair, and welcome back

I like this one

This is my favourite - pinched from MrsC's thread

And of course my particular favourite,

Love that last one!

I have been to the gym and run away some of the rage. Now going home for a glass of wine.

I think you're right about doing it just because they can. I will never comprehend his behaviour and I guess anyone that can is welcome to him because I certainly don't want that in my life.

Green I'm glad your lawyer wrote a gooden. Mine did the other day and it made me 'lol' a couple of times. SHL is getting very fed up with ex I think though I'm sure they're used to it.

How do you suppose they even sleep at night? Or look at themselves in the mirror and not think 'what have I done???' It's astounds me. He has devastated so many lives and just carries on.

I have to say he looks positively terrible. Fat (once was fat, then thin now fat again) and old (he is relatively young) and haggered. Good luck with the sleepless nights dickwad...

I love that last one Hobbit

Familyofthree I can completely understand the feeling of yet another dagger in your heart. With me I just can't get over the thought of him and his OW off into the twilight, dancing and drinking together without a care in the world. It might sound crazy but that is actually what hurt the most, not the EA, not the lies, not the abandonment but his fantastic new life with her. The day he called time on fixing things with me he went to see her. I think I have made some progress as I don't hate her as much as I used to.

I'd even go so far as to say that I hate myself more for not seeing through him. He was abusive from day one, but stupid little me thought this was passion!

Oh family I so feel for you. I have been looking at name threads on here to see if she is talking about names :(

I

I asked son number three - he said they all knew, and that he thought it would have had no affect on son number two's GCSEs.

I know everyone of different, every child s different but in so many way i was where you are now two years ago. I think I might have made a mistake not telling anyone. Who knows really???

Happy to tell you more about what son number three said if you want. PM me your number and will call you if you like. You might have noticed my typing is shit!