Looked through money stuff with son number one last night. He thinks that currently it is just possible to stay in house, the plans SBTX has for our future are an important issue though.
Also talked to my brother, he will help costs of mediation. He also sees a lot of sense in not fighting at work. Just letting it go. I don't know. In many ways I see the sense in that but it does not sit well with me not to work. Psych commented work was a big part of my identity, perhaps it is because the current job is so hard that I feel so bad? There isa lot of support from sons for this, youngest has been saying for ages to quit. But my students, who are being short changed anyway, will have problems.
Then thorny issues of how to keep us when my income drops again, no answer at all to that one.
I am so bitter about OW. She is so grasping and horrid. How can she give up work knowing her partners young adult children will suffer? How can she live off the income that we all worked hard for, for our family. But then who could pay for a hotel to screw a man with, at the time, young dependent children and wife who lived in both ignorance and pain. How could she ask me what my boys might like for tea? How could she pretend to be me online? How could she ask me if stbx left me for her and it didn't work out would I take him back in a couple of years time? I have no contact with her at all this time but I still have not got all those horrible times out of my head.
How could I let him back after all this only to spend five years trying to be good enough?
Before all this I thought we we're so in love. Friends thought we were.
We had an excellent sex life (still did until the day he moved out of here and three months after he told me he was off). Afte30 years we had sex twice a week, a leg in plaster did not stop us, only really snotty colds on the whole!
This is the third career I have lost. One as it clashed with his sport, he wanted and needed and argued for that and I caved doing the child care so he could play. I was flying through PhD when the affair began, despite using an electric wheelchair and driving up the motorway with one foot only to operate car controls! I lost it. Now another, in many ways I am doing my dream job, albeit not in anyone's idea of a dream organisation to work for. A medical retirement is crap and does not fit with how I see myself at all. I am 50. Could live a long time in poverty unless I get my arse into gear.
Think I will go and have another cigarette, that will mean I don't have too long to worry about (kidding, sort of oh who knows)
Sorry this is another pity party. I can't even scroll back on this to try and make some responses to anything else.