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Original poster

HOBBIT'S BAR - still finding it hard to move on...part 4

999 replies

WellWhoKnew · 23/03/2015 00:51

If you are struggling to come to terms with the ending of your marriage, no matter how that came about, this is the place where you come to say SHIT THIS IS HARD, when you hit those times of despair.

It is the place where it is never rude to interrupt if you're having a bad day and need to vent. No matter what.

The bar, owned by Hobbit, but run by committee, is open to all as we wind our way through divorce, come to terms with our individual circumstances, or just cope with adjusting to a new life.

My name is WellWhoKnew (known here as everyone's bloody mother!). I was suddenly abandoned nearly eleven months ago. I've just had the final hearing (finished five days ago) and I am now officially an ex-wife. I now have to start making plans for a very different future than I ever imagined, which includes moving home, getting a job, and leaving the deadwood behind.

It is the place where the only thing anyone will tell you to do is keep on, keeping on.

Part three

Part two

Part one

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Izzie595 · 02/04/2015 23:34

Glad you like the cushion. Do you think they look. Ice with the Ming vase?

There were NO boxes of creme eggs in the supermarket iwas. How bleedin far do you travel to get them??

iwashappy · 02/04/2015 23:42

Thanks Izzie, I do.

You're really making progress, that's great. You've been through a hell of a time over a long period so to get where you are now is wonderful. Laughed at One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. I can't think of a film for Sid and Choosy-Floozie that's your job

MrsG sorry to hear that, not surprised you are pissed off. Not too clever on his part.

Izzie egg travelling times is about ten minutes. Waitrose have a special offer on Chocolate Button Eggs my favourite so it was economical to stock up!

Izzie595 · 02/04/2015 23:51

I think because it was over a long time, I did a lot of my grieving then. Or maybe I've just reached saturation point. I'm not sure. But I know I can conjure up a number of images, memories to make me hate him. I think I'm probably angry but dampened down anger. I'm thinking films. Had a quick look at the Carry On titles but none jumped out at me. I don't know many films but I'm thinking......

Izzie595 · 02/04/2015 23:54

Contenders so far:

hang em high
The good, the bad and the ugly

iwashappy · 03/04/2015 00:03

That makes sense Izzie, I was a little bit like that when my mum died. I did a lot of my crying when she was sick. But yes, you can get all cried out too.

I'm not good at films neither.

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 00:18

Yes, same with my dad.

Film gotta be either The Stud. Or I rather like this one best, bearing in mind the mess he is now in.....Lethal Weapon!

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 00:39

Fuck sake, just checked bank account. Saw the debit on account for car. Thought he had drawn absolute minimum of 1500 more than needed. But no. That car costs twice mine! We still have a mortgage to clear, and he blows that much!! It's just as well I seem to be in default mode of not contacting him, otherwise I would be letting rip. There is no fucking way he's coming round here, getting any cooperation unless essential etc.

I hate him. I told the kids the other day that I wish he wasn't their father. Because then I would never need see him again. If I do decide to move further out, say an hours drive from here, that will be another bonus. It's too far for him to call round except by appointment. And even then, he won't be crossing the threshold. I want him out of my life for good. I will never ever forgive him

onceinagoldenmoon · 03/04/2015 00:43

I'd just like to announce that my exH is a piece of shit! I would not so much as spit on him if he was on fire, infact if he was on fire, I would try and get as close as I could to take a selfie without getting burned.
Son of a cunting bitch.
Ok. That's it.
Izzie has 127 rooms! Shall we all go just go over and ambush her??

iwashappy · 03/04/2015 00:46

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels sounds quite apt to me. Psycho might be one you could think of a candidate for...

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 00:46

Can I say that if my ex was on fire, I would throw petrol in his direction!

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 00:49

Psycho could be me too ATM!

Of course there is Fatal Attraction with the BUNNY BOILER. Who once said to him that if he didn't see more of her, she would have to "accidentally on purpose let her know about us".

She announced her presence a number of times. Bitch

onceinagoldenmoon · 03/04/2015 00:49

Izzie didn't see your post before my maniac rant Flowers

How old are Dc's? What did they say when you said that? How are you feeling?

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 01:00

They are 19 and 22. In the context of what we were saying it was fine. I think DS2 had said something about not particularly wanting to see his dad but blah blah. It was part of an argument about DS1 getting his thumb shut in door by DS2, accident. And somewhere it was said that whenever there was a row here, somehow it all liked up to STBXH. That sort of thing.

I'm ok really, thanks. Easter I predicted would be difficult.

iwashappy · 03/04/2015 01:01

Cross post Izzie.

That's a bit off, twice as much! I'm not surprised you're annoyed. Stay detached, you are much better off that way however tempting it might be to rant at him. I think you're making the right decision to not let him come inside in future.

I spoke to Sid in the office last time. We used to talk in the kitchen in the house but I haven't wanted him to come in since he's been a total shit. I'd rather not have done that then but it was difficult to know where else to talk that was private. I don't want to go to his flat knowing OW's probably been there with him and the office isn't really private. We could have spoken there in the evenings but he'd have been going back to OW afterwards so I found it easier to talk in the kitchen during the day. He's still not seen my bedroom though. We've still got finances to talk about but I have no idea when we're going to do that as I don't want to talk to him.

Once I think they all are sadly. Izzie actually has 595 rooms hence her username. I haven't even got 3 bedrooms! My son sleeps in what should be the dining room jealous

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 01:09

Is it possible to negotiate via email? Say that it would be better that way as then you bout have a record of what was said. That's how I'm going to negotiate with him in due course.

And absolutely right re not seeing your bedroom. You don't take a man up to your bedroom. I've used that sort of thing on him before, as in "I'm not your wife so don't speak to me as though I were"

Yes, 595 bedrooms. Izzie is cos I own Islington. Well that not true. I only own the posh areas

iwashappy · 03/04/2015 01:09

Pleased you are okay Izzie, I know you said that Easter is hard for you.

Hope your son's thumb is a little less sore now. x

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 01:14

Actually I wonder if Once knows who bobs went to school with. Let us know when you've found out! And no PM to bobs.

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 01:19

Still tender. But at least he has something to take his mind off it. He burnt his throat eating too hot food this week when he was out with friends. He says it hurts when he swallows. Ah well, makes a change from sports injuries. I will look back again sometime about yours and Fonts posts about the children. And still have to PM you the remainder. I'm thinking about it, and been a bit busy. Did I tell you I've been painting?Grin

iwashappy · 03/04/2015 01:20

Yes and no. It would just be so bloody long winded and as he's in game playing mood I don't want to give him the chance to ignore my emails or not answer my questions.

There's quite a lot we need to discuss now that I might like to stay in the house permanently. He seemed open to the idea when we did last discuss it which surprised me and was talking about possibly relocating the business. It depends a bit on what OW's plans are - if she moves it will obviously be easier for me to stay. There's just so much up in the air really so it would just be easier to talk but only if he's being reasonable and he's not.

That's a very good response saying that as we're separated it's not appropriate to let him see my bedroom. When he'd asked before I had just told him I didn't want him to see it. Thanks.

Oh 595 is just the bedrooms, sorry I do apologise. Is there a posh part of Islington? naïve

onceinagoldenmoon · 03/04/2015 01:25

Hope Ds's thumb isn't too bruised! Fwiw I negotiate via e-mail just so that I don't lose total control and kill him and think things through with a logical mind.

Here's for your Ds's Easter Smile

By the way we're still planning on ambushing you! iwas is putting together the plan as we speak!

I also have spare petrol cans and masks incase you need help Absolute bastards! I know.

iwashappy · 03/04/2015 01:27

I didn't go to school with anyone even remotely famous. Was it you that went to school with Kate Bush?

I'd keep your son under wraps the rest of the week, it's supposed to come in threes isn't it! I think you meant ramble about the children, I think mine was even longer than Font's! That's okay, I need to PM you back too. Have you been painting? You didn't say! Hope you are painting everything yellow definitely not white

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 01:29

Oh yes, just bedrooms. I also have TWO bathrooms. One bathroom isn't enough with all those bedrooms. Islington, hell yeah posh, check google pics. I think Tony and Cherie own property there.

Oh a tip re OW possible move. Don't ask him. If he thinks you're bothered, he will persuade her to stay where she is.

And the bedroom, yes, a poke in the eye for him.

iwashappy · 03/04/2015 01:34

Once that seems to be working well for you which is good.

For you too Easter Smile I'm assuming it's an Easter bunny rather than a bumble bee - the ears look like wings or is that just me

I have a plan!! Do I?!! I don't know how we'd manage to get over the moat to Mansion Izzie. goes off to look for plan

Feeling quite a lot better than I did this time yesterday, thank you xx

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 01:35

Kate Bush yes, but say no more, Once has to find out about bobs. It's her initiation process. She wants my DJ job, she's got to earn it.....

Good point re DS1!

Painting, oh yes, just a bit. It's a white sort of yellow. More white than yellow. In fact so subtle a yellow.......but in my old house [with Ex] there was a yellow bath suite, yellow tiles, yellow back door.....

Izzie595 · 03/04/2015 01:37

Iwas will make a raft out of old Easter egg boxes greedy cow