Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

annoyed with stingy boyfriend

242 replies

blizzardcat · 21/03/2015 12:22

I've been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. I always have paid half of all meals out, I expected to, he expected me to, but I am getting fed up of never being treated. Not even for my birthday.

When he stays at mine I usually cook for him. He eats a lot! I pay for the meals at my house...but when I stay at his we eat out mostly and I pay half.

Same with driving. He likes to go places in my car rather than his. A few months ago we went for a night away, he wanted to go in my car, I said fine but you can pay half the petrol. He told me 'that is not how it works'. So refused to pay towards petrol. I hoped he would then pay for dinner (accommodation free, i arranged it) but no. He made it very clear that I was expected to pay half as usual.

I actually dumped him over this as the night away cost me £60 in petrol, i arranged free accommodation, he did nowt and it rankled. After a week he apologised, took me out for dinner, PAID.
We talked about it, he agreed he had been unfair, agreed to make sure things are fair in the future.

They aren't. I think he is probably just very mean with money.

If I bring it up he tells me I am being petty and mean, but I feel it is ok him saying that when actually he is the one who is holding onto his money.

He earns over twice as much as me btw, certainly isn't rich so does need to be careful with money, but spends plenty on himself, his children and pays his ex about double the csa maintenance amount . I am a single mum, money is tight, but i do have enough to get by, i don't need his, i just want it to be fair.

The birthday present he got me is lovely, but i know it cost half the price of what I got him last year!

Writing this makes me feel petty. He would say i am being petty. It is not about the money though, it is about how unfair it feels. He makes me feel cheap and a bit used. There is an implication that if i was 'a better gf' i would be treated better! Am i being petty or is he just mean?

OP posts:
sneepy · 24/03/2015 08:13

I dated one of these, very like yours OP, always made sure he didn't pay over the odds. Happy to eat my food, use my hot water, take my car... When we broke up (not over that if you can believe) I was shocked at how much money I suddenly had at the end of each month! I hadn't realized just how much I was spending on him. Twat.

catsmother · 24/03/2015 08:31

Phew, got to the end of this thread and am relieved to read you've dumped the mean git.

It's all very well him giving himself a pat on the back for paying more than the CSA rates so his children benefit - give that man a 'fantastic father' badge - but at the same time, his petty meanness meant that money you could have otherwise spent on your child(ren) was subsidising/treating him instead. It may 'only' have been (in his eyes) a few ££s here and there but it was perpetual and it all adds up. Hardly decent human being behaviour after all - as long as him and his were okay that was all that mattered eh? Never mind anyone else's kids being adversely affected by his entitled attitude.

It's natural to feel sad and upset now because you were willing to see the best in him and clearly had hopes for the future too but I suspect before long you'll start to feel like a big weight's been lifted from you. It's very wearing to be constantly taken advantage of - even more so when you feel instinctively things aren't fair, but because you're naturally generous you constantly try to 'okay' it in your head by telling yourself it doesn't really matter because it's only small amounts. Well of course it does matter and I think your instincts were spot on as proven by his ridiculous, insulting and self centred rant after you dumped him.

Hope you feel better soon - you should treat yourself and your kids to something nice in celebration of a new start.

areyoubeingserviced · 24/03/2015 08:40

Can- my mother said the same thing.
She told me not to marry a stingy man if I wanted to be happy.
I once dated a gorgeous, intelligent man; however, he was the stingiest bastard on the planet. He hated paying for anything , but would gladly mooch of me. I refused to have sex with him because I couldn't see past his meanness.
My dh is the complete opposite
Op, I am glad that you got rid of him. Please don't go back. He will not change.

blizzardcat · 24/03/2015 09:41

Not going back. Already feel better off! Am going to have to tell the kids, tonight I guess. They aren't going to be to miss him much, they got on fine but they didn't like him as much as they like some of my friends. They did like that I had a bf though, so it might worry them that I don't. I need to tell them without crying!

OP posts:
Stearinlys · 24/03/2015 13:33

Make it like a celebration. Tell them they can have diet coke and a takeaway with poppadoms! mine consider this the biggest treat in the whole world!!! (9&12)

blizzardcat · 24/03/2015 14:05

That's a good plan. Spaghetti, lemonade and Just Dance (that's how we roll)

OP posts:
hollyisalovelyname · 30/03/2015 20:07

Blizzard has he been back ?

championnibbler · 30/03/2015 22:15

well done on ditching the tightarse loser.
someone much nicer is out there, just for you.
don't lose heart.
just avoid the tightwads next time. Smile

blizzardcat · 31/03/2015 10:46

He's not been here, but has apologised several times, email and text. He also asked to be unblocked from facebook as he said he was sad that i had disappeared from history. I unblocked him, got into a text conversation about moving on, very civilised until he turned nasty again.

Told me he knew it would never work as he always knew 'the only man for me' is my violent and abusive exh so he 'acted accordingly'. I think he wanted to have the last word. Looking back, it is true. He was never really invested in our relationship, just playing. He proposed, talked about the future. All just bullshit.

Can't believe I was so stupid to go out with him for so long. And to let him hurt me again. I don't feel like dating ever again, and certainly don't want him back. I am devastated and so angry with him.

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 31/03/2015 11:36

Oh god, what an utter shit. I hope you have reblocked.

TendonQueen · 31/03/2015 11:57

He really is a dick and you are better off without him, though I know that's cold comfort when you're hurting. It would be better not to reply at all, though I'd be very tempted to reply 'You think whatever makes you feel better' or 'Not for the reasons you give, but I agree our relationship doesn't work so now we both know where we stand'.

You haven't been stupid, just human. Don't be hard on yourself. Better times will come. Flowers

blizzardcat · 31/03/2015 13:49

Got to wait 48 hours before can block again. So cross with him. I really don't know how I will ever be able to trust anyone again

OP posts:
hollyisalovelyname · 31/03/2015 13:52

Let him have that last word. It means nothing.
You had a lucky escape.
Imagine if you married him !!!
Celebrate dodging that bullet.

blizzardcat · 31/03/2015 14:00

Haha, I should be celebrating. Just feel so rubbish.

OP posts:
hollyisalovelyname · 31/03/2015 14:33

Blizzard he is rubbish.
Not you.

CarbeDiem · 31/03/2015 14:37

His last words mean shit Blizzard take not one bit of notice. He's just trying to stick the knife in.
You're strong, you've done the right thing. Hold your head up high and start feeling relieved that he's, once again, shown his true arsehole colours.
You're well rid Flowers

Undecided90 · 31/03/2015 14:54

I can't stand stingeness so would have to get rid.

HelenaDove · 31/03/2015 15:10

"Told me he knew it would never work as he always knew 'the only man for me' is my violent and abusive exh so he 'acted accordingly'. I think he wanted to have the last word"

Yep the dickhead wanted to have the last word. Hes also projecting because he is abusive but in a different way. You are well rid Thanks

blizzardcat · 31/03/2015 17:14

Thanks. Well rid. Makes sense, but don't feel it yet.

48 hours up, blocked again. That feels a bit better somehow. Going to try to do some constructive things tonight and not allow him any headspace

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 31/03/2015 17:17

Good, what about a DVD?

expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 17:23

Right before you block him again, send him a diatribe on what a miserly, limp-dick cunt he is. Then you had the last word Grin.

blizzardcat · 31/03/2015 17:36

Yonic, a dvd would be cool, but think I should do some work, have got a bit behind cos of sadness.

Expat, told him he is pathetic. You have a much better way with words than me!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 17:40

You are well rid. And next time, run a mile from anyone who is tight. It never bodes well.

pictish · 31/03/2015 18:18

Told me he knew it would never work as he always knew 'the only man for me' is my violent and abusive exh so he 'acted accordingly'.

What a dirty thing to say. Lower than a snake's belly really...

blizzardcat · 31/03/2015 18:37

It is low. It is really getting to me that he knew me so well, I told him all about what my ex did and he can still come out with things like that. Designed to hurt me. I can see through him now, but it still hurts

OP posts: