Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

annoyed with stingy boyfriend

242 replies

blizzardcat · 21/03/2015 12:22

I've been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years. I always have paid half of all meals out, I expected to, he expected me to, but I am getting fed up of never being treated. Not even for my birthday.

When he stays at mine I usually cook for him. He eats a lot! I pay for the meals at my house...but when I stay at his we eat out mostly and I pay half.

Same with driving. He likes to go places in my car rather than his. A few months ago we went for a night away, he wanted to go in my car, I said fine but you can pay half the petrol. He told me 'that is not how it works'. So refused to pay towards petrol. I hoped he would then pay for dinner (accommodation free, i arranged it) but no. He made it very clear that I was expected to pay half as usual.

I actually dumped him over this as the night away cost me £60 in petrol, i arranged free accommodation, he did nowt and it rankled. After a week he apologised, took me out for dinner, PAID.
We talked about it, he agreed he had been unfair, agreed to make sure things are fair in the future.

They aren't. I think he is probably just very mean with money.

If I bring it up he tells me I am being petty and mean, but I feel it is ok him saying that when actually he is the one who is holding onto his money.

He earns over twice as much as me btw, certainly isn't rich so does need to be careful with money, but spends plenty on himself, his children and pays his ex about double the csa maintenance amount . I am a single mum, money is tight, but i do have enough to get by, i don't need his, i just want it to be fair.

The birthday present he got me is lovely, but i know it cost half the price of what I got him last year!

Writing this makes me feel petty. He would say i am being petty. It is not about the money though, it is about how unfair it feels. He makes me feel cheap and a bit used. There is an implication that if i was 'a better gf' i would be treated better! Am i being petty or is he just mean?

OP posts:
Stearinlys · 23/03/2015 16:12

Wow.

Well at least you've no doubt now. YOu know he is mean, and not only is he mean but he thinks so badly of you Shock I couldn't live with that, even if I were a millionaire and the money didn't matter, couldn't tolerate him saying 'gold digger'.

Thank goodness you never moved in with the financially abusive tightwad. To be honest, if he thinks so badly of a woman who has only ever shown him generosity and made endless allowances for him, and thought the best of him, then I think he would be other types of abusive too if you lived with him.

Sorry for the shock you must be feeling. Or denial crumbling Brew

blizzardcat · 23/03/2015 16:22

Thanks Stear. He always thinks the worst of me in any situation. I've only noticed lately. Getting chatted up: assumes I am looking for a new boyfriend. I feel that he is not paying his fair share and want to discuss: I am a gold digger! Having to work on an evening I would normally see him: Looking for a boyfriend/shagging my boss/only care about money/punishing him for something!

Looking back, he was exhausting and ridiculous!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/03/2015 16:26

Good riddance to bad rubbish! I can guarantee he financially abused his wife, too.

Delete and move on.

What a cunt.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2015 16:33

I once dated someone who said i was materialistic for expecting him to have toilet roll in his flat.

Youve done the right thing OP Thanks

prettywhiteguitar · 23/03/2015 16:45

Flowers it's crap breaking up but thank god you did, he sounds like a charm ! You will find someone really lovely

PoppyField · 23/03/2015 16:50

ooh well done OP!

blizzardcat · 23/03/2015 17:04

HelenaDove that has really made me laugh, you materialistic toilet roll digger!

OP posts:
Twinklestein · 23/03/2015 17:16

I knew he would call you a golddigger if you complained about his sponging.

I didn't realise he was so paranoid and insecure though.

Anniegetyourgun · 23/03/2015 17:23

Thank goodness, you're better off without him to be honest.

I don't think the term "gold digger" was coined to describe someone being expected to cover their own costs Confused

blizzardcat · 23/03/2015 17:26

Neither did I. He is so beautiful as well and had no good reason to worry. His first proper girlfriend was his wife in his early twenties, she didn't cheat. He did on her though, an exit affair, so I guess he knows how to lie. I am struggling not to feel devastated, even though I can see he is not a kind man.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/03/2015 17:30

He's a total cunt, blizzard.

blizzardcat · 23/03/2015 17:32

Why can't total cunts come properly labelled so we know straight away?! I loved him so much. That is really pathetic

OP posts:
GoatsDoRoam · 23/03/2015 17:33

You can grieve the end of a relationship you were invested in and feel devastated, even while knowing you made the right choice for you. Totally normal to have those feelings.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2015 17:34

Hes an abusive twunt.

The reason men like him try to play this card is because the term "gold digger" is a common phrase which immediately conjures up the image of a woman.

Cocklodger is not such a common phrase because it is not as widely used.

Sexism basically.

PeachyParisian · 23/03/2015 17:34

I was on the fence veering towards sympathetic before you complained about the amount he pays to CSA. I assume you knew he had kids, you can't begrudge money he spends on them!

PeachyParisian · 23/03/2015 17:35

But, fuck that! You don't need to be subsidising a grown man!!

HelenaDove · 23/03/2015 17:38

Wonder what you have to do to get a word into the Oxford Dictionary

GoatsDoRoam · 23/03/2015 17:40

Like so

blizzardcat · 23/03/2015 17:46

Peachy, I didn't complain about the amount he pays in maintenance. He pays about double the amount he would have to if it was through csa, as well as buying his kids whatever they need. That is kind, and generous and admirable. I like that in him. I just mentioned it as I find it hard to understand how he can be generous in that way but so tight with me. I didn't want his money, just for him to be fair, to pay his share.

OP posts:
HelenaDove · 23/03/2015 17:53

blizzard perhaps he does that due to guilt because of his exit affair.

blizzardcat · 23/03/2015 17:56

Yeah probably. That does make sense

OP posts:
Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 23/03/2015 18:20

He's thoughtless and selfish yes.....but abusive??

The word will cease to have meaning soon...

YonicScrewdriver · 23/03/2015 18:22

Aww shite. What a skid mark.

HelenaDove · 23/03/2015 18:26

They are called red flags wizard. Its not a huge stretch from tightwaddery to financial abuse.

My ex went from the toilet roll saga to rushing in to the kitchen the minute he heard the tap running screaming about his water meter. I had it running for a couple of seconds to wash a piece of fruit. Then he questioned why i wanted to shower every day.

Imagine kids in that mix.

Stearinlys · 23/03/2015 18:31

So what if he was handsome. he exhausted u.

Congratulations getting rid of him. U can spend the money u'll save on yrslf n yr kids

Hilarious that expecting toilet paper was deemed materialistic!