Just what do you have against marriage?

[DumbledoresGirl]

All you girls who are thinking of getting married after YorkieGirl's advice but just can't bring yourself to do it, or are only doing it because of the legal implications, please explain to me, what have you got against marriage? I won't agree with you, but I would love to understand more about your reasoning.

It's all in the name though isn't it? Call it a ceremony and you frighten some off, call it a marriage and whoops, there go a few more, call yourself a wife and bang go the rest.

Don't take it so seriously if you don't want to. Think of it literally as a piece of paper that is going to help any surviving relatives during the worst possible time oftheir lives, should you get hit by a bus tomorrow. Believe me, your worries will be worth jack sh*t then.

do i remember you from a womben reclaimb the night march?? no I expect you are too young. MI went tho!

I know you, you strumpet, more like you on the table

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I do understand what you say. But I am still very much me. And a married a man who wanted me, so that isn't an issue!

whatever floats your boat .

But really, honestly truely, I am my husband's total equal

Me? Property? That's a very good joke.
You don't turn a chair into a cat by calling it a cat. Words are not everything.
Marriage isn't magic.

sorrell, I like your style

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MP, you are so right about words meaning everything.

The thing is people just can't distance themselves from all the associations of 'marriage'. Yes you could just have a private reg. office do (well as private as you can get with two witnesses) and not tell anybody - it isn't anyone else's business after all. But what if you don't particularly want to hide it as a dark secret either? How do you tell people, especially close family members, who might be offended/upset that you aren't including them in your 'special day' (even though it is no more than signing a piece of paper to you)? Don't think anyone would be bothered if they weren't invited to the signing of a co-habitation agreement though!

I think that some people see marriage as the ultimate way to express their love and commitment to their partner. But not everybody wants to express their love and commitment in the same way. Some people want to stand up in front of a room of people and say wedding vows to prove their love; other people feel secure in their relationship without the need to do that. Why penalise those that don't like public speaking?

I would argue that people who marry for love don't think about the legal benefits (but they get them); they get married to express their love and commitment and desire to live together. Co-habiting couples, to express their love and commitment and desire to live together, erm, live together. Neither group of people has superior or inferior relationships - just different ways of expressing them.

"I hope they find that person and feel that feeling of 'This is it. This is the person i want to be with forever.' " - you can feel that without needing marriage to confirm it. I think this what I object to anyway - the idea that marriage is the only way to validate a relationship. I will be doing it 'only' for legal reasons (as if that were a less valid reason to get married) - but it would sit much easier with me if it was a co-habitation agreement - mainly for the reason that MP suggested - getting married 'privately' either means hiding the truth or upsetting people. But I will do it if it is the only way to protect my family if the worst should happen.

Oh don't be such a wuss! If you are just getting married for you, and you are chronically shy, you don't have to tell anyone or you present it as a fait accompli and tell them to deal with it. It's really not that a big deal if you are a big girl. Or just leave it and make a lot of private legal arrangements.

My dp and I have been together for nearly 30 years. I have no desire to be married - I am not religious, so I see no reason to make any public declaration of our committment - the fact that out relationship has outlived all the marriages we know should do that for us! We have made a very simple legal declaration to ensure that dp has parental rights concerning out children, and we have made simple wills. ~Why should we marry?

MP, I don't think you should get married. You are not ready and I don't think your relationsship will survive it. You obviously hate the thought, so don't do it and make sure your wills are up to date.

I don't want to marry DP because he had an affair (amongst many other things). I'm with him for DD's sake but I need the freedom to just tell him that I can't do this any longer and leave. I also don't want to tell the world he's my husband. He doesn't deserve to have me as his wife.

If we do marry, it will be for DD's sake. I won't take his name.

If he wanted DD to have his name he would have done the decent thing and married me before she was born.

This probably sounds bitter, but I'm not. I just am not going to do the lovey-dovey marriage bit with him. We're not lovey dovey. I'm still working on forgiving him.

Both my best friends were bride-zillas. One married a man who now beats her, the other is stuck in a childless marriage because her husband is impotent and won't discuss it. I would laugh if they felt sorry for me for not being married.

For those of you who have wonderful husbands, that's great. But don't think I'm some sort of pariah for not having one ok?

I genuinely don't understand why anyone who does not have religious reasons for doing so should get marrried. Being married does not protect you from being dumped! Not being married does have a few legal implications for children and property, but as I said earlier, this can be sorted out very simply. A form lodged in court to ensure that the father has parental rights and a will. So why marry?

I've never been able to see the point in it. Either I've seen marriages end in divorce or the couples have mostly been unhappy.
To me it is somewhat pointless. People do not seem to take mariage seriously.
I have heard so many people ask me why I have never married (I have been in a relationship over 10 years). When I say I can't see the point they tell me it's a good excuse for a party yeah great!!!!
I can think of other things I'd rather do with all those wasted thousands and the stress it entails. What's the point when it mostly ends in divorce anyway. I think having kids with someone is a far biger commitment than marriage ever could be.

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For those of you that are so against marriage then make sure that your wills are totally up to date and that parental responsibility has been sorted for your kids.

Also please don't complain should the worst happen and you find yourself missing out on things like the widowed parent benefit that YG mentined (amongst other things)

I know that they system stinks and that these things should be recognised but the fact is that at this moment in time they are not recognised. If you want to change the system then change it but please not to your own detriment.

Good post, Tatties. Superb, even