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Original poster

Just what do you have against marriage?

232 replies

DumbledoresGirl · 28/10/2006 20:05

All you girls who are thinking of getting married after YorkieGirl's advice but just can't bring yourself to do it, or are only doing it because of the legal implications, please explain to me, what have you got against marriage? I won't agree with you, but I would love to understand more about your reasoning.

OP posts:
Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/10/2006 20:27

Mosschops, no offence intended, but is it marriage you are disenchanted with, or your choice of husband?

OP posts:
Pruni · 28/10/2006 20:27

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 28/10/2006 20:27

It's not for me to decide, but I hope my children do marry. I hope they find that person and feel that feeling of 'This is it. This is the person i want to be with forever.'

No, there's never any guarantee that will come to pass, but it's a great feeling.

Pruni · 28/10/2006 20:28

Message withdrawn

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/10/2006 20:28

Jeez MP can you stop quoting studies? Can you only live your life by studies on other people? Tell me why you feel your relationship would change!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/10/2006 20:29

I think if you feel it will change your relationship for the worst, or go downhill from there, then, yes, you are right, it's probably not a good idea to marry.

For us, it enhanced what we already felt for each other.

Yorkiegirl · 28/10/2006 20:29

Message withdrawn

JoolsToo · 28/10/2006 20:30

good point DG I was thinking that.

Surely how any relationship progresses depends on the people in it not some paper or study that says x, y or z will result from a, b or c!

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/10/2006 20:30

I cannot say my relationship changed one way or another, except that I stopped nagging dh to marry me once we had done the deed. (But probably just swapped to nagging about something else instead! )

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 28/10/2006 20:31

Housework's a part of life, like the washing and paying bills. I mean, you'd have to do that even if you were single.

I can't see where it's so important as to be the governing factor in one's life, but hey, everyone's entitled to his/her opinion.

DastardlyDevilishDior · 28/10/2006 20:31

As I said, I honestly didn't feel a change in the structure of my life once I had the ring on my finger. I had a glowy feeling for a while and kept looking at the ring, but that was a 'honeymoon' type thing! For me, as soon as I was off work on maternity leave, dh started asking for me to make his lunch and things snowballed from there!

Actually, as ds is now at school, it is only fair for me to do the lion's share. I would much rather do that than go back to the bitch hole of an office that I worked in before ds. Maybe that makes me a 1950s housewife, but dh would disagree there!

LaDIEDaDIE · 28/10/2006 20:31

My reluctance to get married stems from my fear of getting divorced again. I love dp and would love to marry him really.

buktus · 28/10/2006 20:32

my wedding cost £94 so it can be done on the cheap, it wasnt flash in the slightest but very romantic, a day forjust us, not providing masses of food for lots of drunken family you only ever see once every couple of years, and talking so much to guests you dont have two minutes as a newly married couple all day - if i was a millionaire i wouldnt have changed our weddding day

moaningpaper · 28/10/2006 20:33

Well I have my own baggage about marriage, and DP has his own baggage about marriage, and both of our baggage includes divorced parents, and we are both divorced ourselves, and all of this massively increases our likelihood of splitting up if we DO get married.

When you are married - certainly for me - it felt as though our relationship comprised three parts - me, DH and The Marriage. The Marriage comes complete with family and cultural baggage. It introduces all of that into the relationship. As it is, it is just me and DP. Marriage would change our status legally and sub / un / consciously. It changes the status quo. And I am happy with the status quo.

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/10/2006 20:33

So, correct me if I am wrong, but so far, apart from F&Z suggesting she might not want to promise to stay with someone for the rest of her life, and the cost being mentioned as prohibitive (but that is the cost of the wedding, not of marriage itself) no-one has actually come up with any reason not to get married....Hmmmmm what does that say about the unmarried amongst us?

OP posts:
DastardlyDevilishDior · 28/10/2006 20:33

I can understand the 'divorce' fear. That was why dh put marriage off for so long. All his family had histories of divorce, whereas none of mine did. I only had relatively happy examples of married life.

I have always said that, if dh and I split up, I will have a cat and just have a man for sex

expatinscotland · 28/10/2006 20:35

but MP, can you say for certain that it will cause you to be more likely to split up, or are you going off statistics again?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/10/2006 20:35

Sorry x posts.

OP posts:
Blandmum · 28/10/2006 20:35

I loved getting married, one of the best days of my life. I love being married....19 years so far!

Pruni · 28/10/2006 20:35

Message withdrawn

moaningpaper · 28/10/2006 20:35

Martinbishop: Why do you love it?

Original poster
DumbledoresGirl · 28/10/2006 20:36

Exactly Expat. MP, if you are scared of divorce, why does that not extend to being scared of splitting up? With a child involved it would surely be pretty messy?

OP posts:
moaningpaper · 28/10/2006 20:38

Ah Dior, and cat and man for sex is what I have now

It's good

DastardlyDevilishDior · 28/10/2006 20:38

Actually, being married has also made me more secure in the relationship. I know that it doesn't logically make sense, but I am more secure.

expatinscotland · 28/10/2006 20:41

I am divorced.

It was the most painful thing.

But for me at least, I thought, that doesn't mean living in fear of being happy again, or of making my partner pay for MY past.

My pal died a month before it was final, and I thought, the way to honour him is to never let fear run my life again, b/c life's too damned short.

That's just the light I saw it in.

But of course it's different for everyone.