Just what do you have against marriage?

[DumbledoresGirl]

All you girls who are thinking of getting married after YorkieGirl's advice but just can't bring yourself to do it, or are only doing it because of the legal implications, please explain to me, what have you got against marriage? I won't agree with you, but I would love to understand more about your reasoning.

i would say it is the most superficial nonsense in the world. I find smug marrieds the kind of people that would get me in trouble for violence.

To explain love and commitment is like explaining why we love looking up at the sky or why we get goosebumps when our children giggle.

It's a heart thing, not a prve to the world and a system thing.

MI we have a lot in common then. I was in a long term relationship with dh, he had loaned me some money and I found out tat I had a bursary from collage that would let me pay some of it back.

I was telling him this on the phone, but explained that someone had pinched my bike so while I could give him the cash back, he would have to buy me a second hand bike. 'Buy you a bike, for £400 I'll buy you a ring!'

And that was it! Quelle romantic!

I hate the talk of "The Marriage" like it's a third party.

I really like the fact that I am with DP just because we have both chosen not to walk out, and not because we once made a Big Committment.

Every morning we wake up and we are both there, it's another day that we've made the decision to be together! He's with me becuase he wants to be with me, not because there is some ominous monster in the corner called "The Marriage" that we are feeding with our grim determination to continue.

Moaningpaper said

I have other reasons too:

Religious reasons:

1. The church does not really recognise second marriages (you can't marry in church)
2. It probably isn't very clever to stand in front of God and make the same promises untildeathdouspart - you know, like AGAIN
3. I like having a special bond with my ex-spouse that I don't share with anyone else, because we are still very close
4. DP feels most of the above as well
5. Being an unmarried family in a church environment is very big statement to make. It is controversial and I like being an example of an alternative family unit to my children.

Non-church reasons:

1. As above, I like my children not to think that life is a fairytale where you get married and live happily ever after. I don't want them to be obssessed by the marriage "thing" and think that it is a rite of passage that they have to go through to validate themselves, their relationship or their families.
2. Getting divorced was the most stressful experience of my life. It is hugely symbolic and devastating for families.
3. It will mean either lying to our families or hurting our families - we would not want 'a wedding'.
4. The darning of socks.

Can I give you a virtual handshake?
When I read this post I had to shake myself to check I had not written it and forgotten.

You express so beautifully and eloquently why I don't want to get married (again). I can hardly believe there is someone else out there who completely understands my point of view as most people look at me blankly if I explain why I don't want to get married.

In addition to your reasons I kept my ex husband's surname (it is a fab name) and don't want to change it again.

moaningpaper are you morningpaper?
I loved your comments on the married man thread.