Just what do you have against marriage?

[DumbledoresGirl]

All you girls who are thinking of getting married after YorkieGirl's advice but just can't bring yourself to do it, or are only doing it because of the legal implications, please explain to me, what have you got against marriage? I won't agree with you, but I would love to understand more about your reasoning.

zephyrHellcat: I've felt that I've met the person I'd like to spend the rest of my life with about six times

I'm sure I could have made a good go of it with most of them.

Expat: probably would do that, yes

It was great tiredemma. DH and I have great memories of our ceremony alone. We sad our vows to each other without lots of people watching and listening. Our witnesses were unknown to us, so didn't count. Then the blessing was a fun day and one of celebrating. The reception was informal in a hotel. We had a finger buffet, no sit down meal, a disco, a live band and lots of laughing and drinking!

Forget the baggage, too many thing have baggage attached to them. Stow it in a locker and walk away. It's literally a piece of paper, just like taking out a joint mortgage (which most people, if they have them, don't blink over). Just make things easier for your partner if you die/your kids if you both die, if nothing else.

I think moaningpaper has some very good reasons against getting married. You'd've convinced me if it wasn't already too late .

However, your tomes wouldn't have. What the heck courses have you done in life?

DG:

I do plan to be

I do want to be

however I can neither promise nor legally oblige myself to stay with the father of my children for the rest of my life, no

he understands

I dont really have anything 'against 'it as such but it was never a priority for me as i just see it as a piece of paper ,and i never wanted to be the centre of attention with the big white meringue wedding, and never got round or couldn't be arsed to do it on the quiet incase it causes trouble in our families.
But mulling over Yorkies advice.

what is a blessing actually?- is it in a church - whats the difference between that and a church wedding. Does all of this blessing/party malarky cost as much as normal Uk wedding?

EVERYONE'S got baggage!

'Few are those who go through life unmarked.'

As a Catholic and traditionalist with no intentin of doing anything other than marrying the man I wanted to be the father of my children, I am completely ignorant of these things. Is it possible to completely make up your vows in a civil wedding or is there a bare minimum that has to be said? ie could yu vow to live together as long as the feeling lasts or something similar?

You don't need to promise anything Franny:

---
In order for a marriage to be legal you must make two legal declarations, by repeating the words after the Superintendent.
The first is a declaration that you are free to marry.
The second includes the words by which you accept each other as husband and wife. There are choices as follows:

"I declare that I know of no legal reason why I............may not be joined in marriage to........."

"I.........take you/thee...........to be my wedded wife/husband"

Short
(By replying "I am" to the question)
Are you........free lawfully.......to marry......? "I am"

"I......... take you/thee..........to be my wedded wife/husband"
---

You DO have to say "wife" though

shudder

Standing up and "promising to be together as long as the feeling lasts" is a travesty, to me

I also don't need or want state interference in my private life, as I said before

Of course everyone's got baggage. You don't have to lug it with you everywhere you go though.

MP, why do I love being married. Excellent question.

For me, and I stress here this is for me, I loved standing up in front of my friends and family making a firm comittment to someone. I realise that other people do this in other ways.

And once we were married there was me, him and our marriage, crazy as that sounds! And as time went on, and we went through more and more good and bad times the marriage, our relationship I suppse, grew and became stronger.

So far it has seen us through testicular cancer, pancreatitis (him), a horrid mc and a year of infertility ,which too surgery to put it right and hormone treatment, three wars, numerous moves, changes of job (me), more separations that I can count, two fantastic kids, superb holidays, boring Sunday afternoons, morning sickness, and all the day to day tedium and fun of every day life. And the marriage has helped us get through all of this. and now it is helping me cope with him haveing leukemia.

Now you could say, and you may well be right, that for some people marriage is just a bit of paer. And I will not argue with that. But for us it is something that we have worked hard at, and we treasure it. And for all those people in happy , long lasting, fulfilled relationships withiut the formal bit I would say, 'You have a different way of doing it that suits you both GREAT, and you are just as married as we are'

Marriage is what is between two people, and how they organise it is their buisness and no-one elses

Not sure i that made any sense at all!

And comparing cohabitition to marriage is like comparing apples and apes. I cohabited several times. Young, free and single, working, no question of commitment, no question of kids, it was just more useful in terms of social life, sex and money. Not surprising it didn't last or that neither of us did much housework. I married the man I wanted to be with forever and have kids with (same thing in my book) now have kids and of COURSE it is a different sort of relationship! I planned it, we have children and we are hoping to stay together forever.
It's like saying 'first dates are less likely to end in a lifetime commitment than wedding days'. No shit, Sherlock.

Message withdrawn

But F&Z, as YG has pointed out, if the worst happens, the state will intervene whether you like it or not.

We all know what wife means, we all know what marriage means

you can't start redefining them to suit yourselves

marriage is not just "for now"

I would go for a civil partnership if it was possible, I would feel comfortable with that. Probably

We had a civil ceremony.

I can't remember the vows .

It's all legal, though!

I had to show my divorce papers, though.

So, bare minimum:

Registrar: "Are you Franny free lawfully to marry Man?"
Franny: "I am"
Registrar: "Are you Man free lawfully to marry Franny?"
Man: "I am."
Franny: "I Franny take you Man to be my wedded husband"
Man: "I Man take you Franny to be my wedded husband"

In a civil partnership you would be making the same promises and taking on the same responsibilities. I think you are fooling yourself that it would be different.
Wife is what you make it.

DG I confess am feeling sceptical that you do actually want "to understand more about your reasoning" as stated in the OP

I am suspecting that you in fact want to convert us all to getting married

I know what a wife means in our marriage. It means I am his total equal and life partner

Franny isn't the fact that you cannot 'legally' be your partner's next of kin, arrange their funeral, sign a hospital consent form, denying you and your children benefits etc etc the State interfering in your private life in a much more devastating way than a simple marriage to the man you love?

Quite, DG.