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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

does my boyf love me???? poss tmi!

245 replies

wallawalla74 · 14/03/2015 02:31

hi
ive been with my boyf 18 months weve been thru ups and downs external issues wise but generally weve managed to keep it on the straight n narrow and I love him so much but ive been having a drink with a friend tonight and shes told me some home truths, sorry if tmi! my boyf never does anything to initiate sex ( although is up for it if I do ) and then never does any kind for my pleasure ( sexual wise...trying to be polite ) although I make massive amounts of effort for him he does nothing back and I mean nothing!!! he thinks he's king dong or something as prevoiusly ive given him compliments sexually wise but we all know ladies its not all about size!!! This sounds so trivial but is a massive deal breaker as he's so sexually selfish and makes me feel repulsive....Please help me...
thank you x

OP posts:
Opopanax · 14/03/2015 21:16

wallawalla, my 8 year old has been having some friendship issues recently and I've had to tell her lots of times 'your friends are the people who are kind to you, and if you are kind to them and they aren't kind back I'm afraid that means they are not your friend'. With 8 year olds it can change all the time. But you are an adult and your boyfriend is an adult and I'm really sorry but he's not your friend. He's horrible to you. With adults it tends not to change in the blink of an eye. Why would he bother to change?

This man is not your friend and friendship is the bare minimum of what you should expect in a relationship.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 14/03/2015 21:20

He's an A1 dick.

Hope you sleep well Smile

t3rr3gl35 · 14/03/2015 21:25

wallawalla - you have to treat yourself with respect before others will. It's probably the hardest life lesson to learn but so worth it when you do. (I know from experience...., listen to a gimmer)

Tell him to FOTTFSOFTFOSM and then build on that.

Original poster
wallawalla74 · 14/03/2015 21:28

thanks everyone tomorrow is the 1st day of my new life hopefully waking up a stronger person after years of being a doormat
please help me stay strong I appreciate it

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 14/03/2015 21:33

I got a LOT of strength from here at my darkest time.

Stay strong Thanks

Original poster
wallawalla74 · 14/03/2015 21:36

its invaluable to me really I'm very isolated in RL and only have 1 close friend
my family live the other end of the country I dont drive and my mum washed her hands of me and my sister a couple of years ago as apparently she's not the maternal type and regrets having children!

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 14/03/2015 21:41

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you have something lovely planned for you and the DCs tomorrow?

ihatelego · 14/03/2015 21:43

we're all here for you Smile

Original poster
wallawalla74 · 14/03/2015 21:47

I'm going to take them swimming in the morning then bake cakes in the afternoon that's what they want to do so thats fine by meSmile
oh and spend all night cuddling them watching what I like on the tv rather than the crap he likes

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 14/03/2015 21:48

Sounds perfect Smile

There's always someone on here who listens

YouAreMyRain · 14/03/2015 21:59

Three cheers for wallawalla!

Well done, stay strong
WineThanks

TopOfTheCliff · 14/03/2015 22:24

Well done walla you sound as though you have woken up to what is going on.
I am concerned at the vagueness of your message to the Twunt as "Take all the time in the world" might be an invite to turn up at midnight still expecting hot food and a hot bed. I hope you have locked the front door and will ignore the bell if he rings it.

YouAreMyRain · 14/03/2015 23:11

I think you need to be clearer too. He will either misinterpret it because he doesn't want to hear it or pretend to misinterpret it so he can emotionally manipulate you to get more free food and blowjobs.

ThreeMoreDaysTillFriday · 15/03/2015 07:58

Hope you had a good nights sleep with no interruptions.

albal14 · 15/03/2015 10:33

Hope you survived the night without any hassle. You did the right thing. Lots of support here.Smile

AlistairSim · 15/03/2015 10:39

How did you get on, OP?

I really hope you had a peaceful night and were able to take on board the advice here.

Original poster
wallawalla74 · 15/03/2015 20:17

I didn't see him last night no I just went to bed no idea what he did as far as I know he didn't drive over
todays been a bad day I'm so isolated and don't have a mum ( or one that wants to see me anyway ) that plus him has made me question me all day whats so wrong with me that no one apart from the kids shows me any love despite how much I give them
sorry if I'm wallowing
my life feels pointless tonight I feel like a bad mum and not good enough for anyone even my kids x

OP posts:
fluffapuss · 15/03/2015 20:38

Walla

Spend the time & money on yourself & your children

Tell him its over & dont communicate with him again

You deserve better

Spend some time on your own for a while

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 15/03/2015 20:38

You're allowed to wallow a bit, you just broke up with someone (even if that someone was an utter cunt and you should be jumping for joy and dancing round the house to loud music).

You'd be a bad mum if you exposed your children to that twat any more. You have just got rid of him, though, which makes you a great mum! Plus I'm sure your kids have enjoyed spending the day with just you.

I think you need time and perhaps the Freedom Programme to build up your wanker radar and your self esteem. Then you'll be able to go out into the world again with your head held high and a better chance of nabbing one of the good ones. Well done so far! Flowers

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 15/03/2015 20:42

Sorry you feel like that, he's helped bring your self belief down so much. fluff is right, spend some time looking after yourself and discovering all the things that are great about you and yours xx

Isetan · 16/03/2015 04:16

He treats you poorly because hes an srsehole and you let him.

Seriously woman, you shouldn't be in a relationship right now because unbeknown to you, that void your trying to fill with this fuckwit is a beacon to fuckwits everywhere.

I'm sorry your mother has neglected and abandoned you but no man, especially this one, can make up for that. Stop asking 'why does he do that?' and start asking 'why the hell do I let him?'

LTB and invest your time and energy on healing the hurt which is driving this desperate attachment to this fuckwit. This is not a relationship you want to model for your children.

Original poster
wallawalla74 · 16/03/2015 17:05

I havent told him as such its over yet I'm just ignoring him, I'm not sure whats stopping me! why am I so weak!!!

OP posts:
AccordingtoSteve · 16/03/2015 17:15

walla its time to make two lists, the first one with all his good qualities and what he brings to the relationship and how he makes you feel loved and cherished.

The second one contains all the things he does to make you sad, unhappy and "weak".

Compare the two!

Original poster
wallawalla74 · 16/03/2015 17:24

he doesnt do anything to make me feel loved or cherished I don't think? or maybe I'm seeing a negative in everything he does now...I just dont know my heads so scrambled

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 16/03/2015 17:27

Have you heard from him since Saturday?