Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Original poster

does my boyf love me???? poss tmi!

245 replies

wallawalla74 · 14/03/2015 02:31

hi
ive been with my boyf 18 months weve been thru ups and downs external issues wise but generally weve managed to keep it on the straight n narrow and I love him so much but ive been having a drink with a friend tonight and shes told me some home truths, sorry if tmi! my boyf never does anything to initiate sex ( although is up for it if I do ) and then never does any kind for my pleasure ( sexual wise...trying to be polite ) although I make massive amounts of effort for him he does nothing back and I mean nothing!!! he thinks he's king dong or something as prevoiusly ive given him compliments sexually wise but we all know ladies its not all about size!!! This sounds so trivial but is a massive deal breaker as he's so sexually selfish and makes me feel repulsive....Please help me...
thank you x

OP posts:

lovedoughnuts · 18/03/2015 01:45

Hey Wallawalla, I've just read the whole thread, and I'm so sorry to read about what you're going through.

When I was much younger, I dated a guy who sounds very similar to this person you have been seeing. It totally took its toll on my confidence / self esteem, emotional wellbeing etc... He ruined me.

It took me ages to finish with him (I was scared, he had told me that he'd harm me if I ended it with him), but I finally did it, and it felt like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I still felt a bit sad (oddly), but mostly relieved.

I really hope that you can find that inner strength from somewhere, to maintain the 'no-contact' with this person (check out the 'baggage reclaim' website, there's a lot of very good information there about this sort of thing).

I really wish you all the best.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 18/03/2015 06:52

This does make sense and you are not cowardly. But I think it will make you feel worse, in the end, if you don't send it. You are worth more than they make you feel you are x

YouAreMyRain · 19/03/2015 15:59

Hope you're ok wallawalla.

Original poster

wallawalla74 · 19/03/2015 21:43

I'm ok thank u just struggling with feeling so lonely all the time now and missing him stupidly I don't know why!

OP posts:

YouAreMyRain · 19/03/2015 22:16

You are missing him because it's hard to accept that he didn't love you. You don't want it to be true. You are doing very well. Stay strong.

TimetohittheroadJack · 19/03/2015 23:00

My exH sounds similar to him wallawalla. I used to think if only I was a bit slimmer/better looking/better in bed/ not such a moan/ better at housekeeping/ more fun tnen one day he would realise how much he loved me and stop being so mean.

But he never did, and eventually (but not after my first decision to do it) I left him.

He would turn up at my door, drunk, shouting and stuff and id let him in as not to wakes my kids/embarass myself to the neighbours.

Eventually I did it, I got rid of him, and I cant believe the difference in my life. Its like being three stone lighter.

And a few years down the line I have meet a nice man. He does love me, I know this as he always tries to make me happy, be it cooking, taking me out, or even watching crappy telly that because he knows I like it.

For you at the moment this is the hard part, but ask yourself, do you want to be a bit lonely or put up with getting treated like shit forever more? Neither is ideal, but being on your own means a future filled with hope, you are in control.
Stay strong and although you say you have limited support in RL, you will always have support here.

Original poster

wallawalla74 · 20/03/2015 00:06

thank you for your kind message not that it matters now but it just hurts that it was all for nothing
I would be embarrassed to put on here just how well I treated him and how spoilt he was as everyone would say I was daft but I enjoyed making him feel loved and was always thinking of ways to put more effort in or bending over backwards to make him happy...
its so sad that that was all for nothing

OP posts:

Allalonenow · 20/03/2015 00:16

It wasn't all for nothing, you've learned a lot about yourself through dealing with it.

Original poster

wallawalla74 · 20/03/2015 00:19

It feels like it....all the nights going to sleep crying the days spent consumed by why does he act so cruelly what have I done wrong etc there was no payback no kindness back to make it worthwhile just feel kicked and stupid

OP posts:

Allalonenow · 20/03/2015 00:30

Don't feel stupid, you were just generous and kind to the wrong person.

Try to get some rest now, everything seems worse in the dark hours of the night.

Take care

OneInAMillionYou · 20/03/2015 03:13

Do stop wasting your energy thinking about him and his issues.

How is it possible that you care so little for yourself that you will entertain this man? You are not in a relationship, that takes two. Get over feeling stupid and move on with your children and do some work on your self esteem before getting involved with someone again.
Men behave like this because women let them. He doesn't love you, never has and yet has spun a web around you such that you put him ahead of yourself.
Drag yourself out of victim hood and make a life for yourself without exposing your neediness to the next abuser down the line.
Keep reaching out here or to the helpline you mentioned and I hope you are in a better place soon.

Onelittleguru · 20/03/2015 08:42

Big dick, pea brain... Ditch him and enjoy your kids! You don't want someone like that around your offspring

Original poster

wallawalla74 · 20/03/2015 09:57

I didnt realise I was being in "victimhood" if I have and this is annoying anyone I apologise

OP posts:

BisleyBoy · 20/03/2015 13:30

You're not playing the victim. That other post was just extremely harsh and judgemental. You're doing really well....keep going.

Original poster

wallawalla74 · 20/03/2015 19:52

thank you bisleyboy

OP posts:

BisleyBoy · 20/03/2015 20:07

You're welcome.....how are you doing tonight walla?

Timmytime2025 · 20/03/2015 20:08

I really don't think these men can love anyone at all. I have been there that is the hardest part to accept that it wasn't real ive been there.

Pages ago someone said that they value control more and that is why they are in and stay in these relationships I felt better reading that as it made sense.

I am well rid now too and wouldnt go back for a million but get the struggle to make sense of it bit.

Original poster

wallawalla74 · 20/03/2015 20:12

I'm ok plodding on still having loads of stress with my mum so thats kinda took over atm I miss him at night time though to talk to or hug even though the love was only ever one way it seems

OP posts:

Dahliad · 21/03/2015 11:57

LTB

pocketsaviour · 21/03/2015 12:45

"its so sad that that was all for nothing"

If it helps, try to think of it as you've learned a very difficult and time-consuming lesson, that you will never make again.

I know it hurts a lot right now and I understand feeling lonely. But you will be stronger for this experience. You have stood up to him and said "no more!" Now you know you have the strength in you to walk away from someone who makes you unhappy. It's painful, but you are becoming a stronger woman and mother for it.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10