does my boyf love me???? poss tmi!

[wallawalla74]

hi
ive been with my boyf 18 months weve been thru ups and downs external issues wise but generally weve managed to keep it on the straight n narrow and I love him so much but ive been having a drink with a friend tonight and shes told me some home truths, sorry if tmi! my boyf never does anything to initiate sex ( although is up for it if I do ) and then never does any kind for my pleasure ( sexual wise...trying to be polite ) although I make massive amounts of effort for him he does nothing back and I mean nothing!!! he thinks he's king dong or something as prevoiusly ive given him compliments sexually wise but we all know ladies its not all about size!!! This sounds so trivial but is a massive deal breaker as he's so sexually selfish and makes me feel repulsive....Please help me...
thank you x

@handful...yes cried quietly after sex he's noticed a couple of times and his reaction is wtf is up with you now? You've got what you wanted and you're still not happy!
He doesn't wash up no
never brings pudding or a bottle of wine in fact I had txt him earlier asking shall I get some beers as I've got wine...He didn't answer as has ignored me all day so I didn't n then he got pissed off and said I should have just got them anyway
he payed for a meal weeks ago on a day out and says I forget that don't I when I keep mentioning how much I do for him ( didn't realise I did this ) I have paid back my half of that meal tenfold since then yet I should still be grateful!

Christ, he sounds dreadful. If i was going to get oral sex and a lovely dinner, I'd make the effort to drive over to the person who was supplying it. However, i wouldn't tell them I was the one "making the effort".

Does he ever do the same for you?

walla - I know it must be so hard. I just knew you had cried after sex, it's not the action you crave, it's the intimacy.

Please see that you deserve much better

He has made me dinner occasionally poss 5 times in 18 months I cook for him 2/3 times a week
oral sex no never he says he hates it but quite happily let's me do it to him...tbh he doesnt do anything to mw sexually ive never had any kind of foreplay its always just been about him I guess he thinks I should feel lucky he lets me do that! his ego is out of control isnt it! ive done that by being so into him showering him with constant compliments etc ive created this nightmare and now I cant change it back

@handful spot on he says I'm sex obsessed ( I get hardly any ) but its not even the sex I like its the intimacy

Can I ask how old you both are?

You haven't created it. You've let him get away with it though. He's taken your kindness and used it. Thrown you enough to pacify you and that's it. Don't blame yourself but now you can see it you need to walk away from it.

"he will see it as I should feel grateful he's turned up"

That's him all over isn't it love? Ties in with what I said about him being a taker and not appreciating you, he merely thinks all the good stuff you give him is his due! What a wanker. I wouldn't worry about 'how much you keep telling him' what you do for him either - I'd imagine that just you trying desperately to see some signs of love or appreciation from him isn't it?

MrEvadneCake has put up there "You can decide to change your future though." and you absolutely can. This guy is not your partner, you cannot even discuss your problems with him.

Why on earth are you with this man? Are you scared of being alone?

The crying after sex, that made me feel so sad.

And for him to say wtf's up with you? How cruel.

He's taken advantage of your desperation - that doesn't make it your fault.

However, you can put a stop to it right now. It doesn't sound like you will, though.

Do you see now how he is no good for you?

He truly doesn't deserve you, your kindness, your love, your time, your food, your energy, your body, your heart.

You deserve better.

You can see that it is very very wrong but you are not stopping it. Why not?

My gosh, be glad he is just a boyfriend, and you havent fallen pregnant. Dump him, you are just a meal and a fuck to him. Dump him, he not only doesnt live you, he doesnt even like you. Dump him!

hes not coming over tonight ive said I'm too tired and want to spend time with people who do genuinely love me

Are you going to finish with him?

What was his response?

Well done, that's a huge first step. Be proud!!

Get some blankets - cuddle your DCs - watch rubbish TV - do something nice for Mother's Day and ignore any texts from him.

He's not worth your time.

Well done!

He has the emotional maturity of a tin of baked beans. He probably won't understand that you're not happy because he doesn't have the capacity toake someone happy.

Walk away. Head held high.

Toake = to make

Big hug to you! Well done

My newish chap came over last Saturday, cooked me an amazing dinner, with ingredients he brought over himself, washed up un prompted and took me to bed where it was, ahem, very much about me.
He hasn't told me he loves me though.. who cares!
i am not bragging here. Had more than my fair share of numpties, but after the last one i decided i am worth more. Took a few years of dating no one, and that's lonely at times, but not as lonely as lying next to someone who doesn't give a shit about you.
You are just a warm place to put it to him. Tell him you deserve better. Because you do.

...and want to spend time with people who do genuinely love me - there, you've said it. When you finally acknowledge that he doesn't love you, no matter what you do to make him see how much you love him, you've taken back control. Now LTB and free yourself to the possibility of meeting somebody who will cherish you. You are worth so much more than this.

And if he has a key, change your locks asap