Dp and his groping.

[DextersMistress]

Had a thread recently about different sex drives. This is the number 1 problem in our relationship.
This morning we were both in the kitchen, him getting ready for work, me doing breakfast for dc, putting washing on etc. Everytime I was close to him he groped me. Grabbed my bum as I was leaning down putting clothes in the washer, my boobs as I'm buttering toast. Hand down the front of my pjs, you get the picture.
This is something he's always done, and if I tell him to get off he says I'm a 'bore'. Today I told him he was out of order, get the fuck off me, I'm sick of this all the time. He responded by saying there's something wrong with me, he's just acting normal, normal couples act like this and maybe I should marry a monk.
I'm fucking sick of it. I love the nights he works away as I can go to bed when I want and not get mithered. It's not normal is it?

Yes he can help it. He does it because he wants to. It is assault and you are quite within your rights to tell him not to do it. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

Why are you with him? Seems he treats you like his property. It is not about affection or desire but all about ownership and entitlement on his part. Utterly foul.

It takes two people to resolve problems and I daresay this man thinks he is entitled to do this and is not doing anything wrong here. His words towards her suggest as much.

It is simple really, no means no.

Op, he is ignoring your boundaries, behaving in an entitled manner, then throwing a childish strop.

What are you going to do about your relationship with him?

I doubt by his response that you will get anywhere, no point trying to reason with an unreasonable person, that way is the road to madness.

X post, sorry.

Do you want any kind of physical relationship with him or is it just not there anymore?

My husband used to do this alot and we have had blazing roles about it usually with him saying I don't love him and what's wrong with me?

If you've told him you don't like it, and he persists (AND insults you in the bargain), then he is not a kind and respectful person, and not a decent partner to you.

We are affectionate, I even said this morning a kiss and cuddle before you leave would be lovely, this isn't.
Sex is honestly the only thing we argue about but I can see this branches off into disrespect and to some extent abuse.
We've spoken calmly about things before. He says I knew how important sex was to him when we got together, and that hasn't changed. I used to want sex a lot more and he's unhappy with the change. I see his point, I really do but he's not helping matters with his behaviour.

See, if he said "what's wrong with you" toby then that relationship is dead. It is not possible to have a decent relationship with someone who thinks they have a right to do what they like to you regardless of your wishes. In fact it's downright creepy and scary to think you live with someone who think there's something "wrong" with you because you don't want to be treated like a piece of meat.

Physical affection absolutely must be mutual. Anyone who expects another person to submit to touching because it's their duty is seriously fucked up in the head.

Ohh ffs here we go!

When my wife grabs my bum or balls what does that make her?

A man hating piece of work
A creep
Should I be calling the police?

I DID qualify my statement by saying "it depends on you and what YOU like"

But you cleverly (or not) chose not to read that!

She does not like it, he wants to show his affection, have a chat about what is acceptable and what is not.

Oh dear that's not sounding good Dexter. It is totally legitimate for him to feel upset by a lack of sex, but it is absolutely not right for him to just go ahead and do as he pleases because he's not manipulating you sufficiently into submitting to him.

If you are not into the groping and you have stated that then the only response from him should be to back off and possibly leave the relationship if he is unhappy with the situation. For him to just go ahead and do it anyway is quite scary - I've been in that situation before and it didn't end well, put it that way.

It's hardly an aphrodisiac is it.

What is your relationship like? Do you feel loved? Respected? What's the balance of labour in your house? Are you a team?

Sounds like a sex pest.

So because you want sex less than you used to, he thinks it's okay to sexually assault you in front of your children.

He sounds vile

You've already said you have mismatched sex drives. This is another symptom - all part of the same problem. You (both) need to find a compromise, or learn to live with it, or split up.

My xh used to do this verbally - every single conversation was turned into a sexy comment or a joke about sex or a comment about sex within about two sentences. It was horrible and exhausting.

As I said, he is now my xh.

If you read later posts Drew you'll see they have talked about it and the OP has made it clear she doesn't like it. She hasn't withdrawn affection. Her DP is unhappy with the amount of sex, which is a tough position for him to be in, but it absolutely does not give him the right to just use her as he sees fit.

What you and your wife do is irrelevant here Drew. The OP doesn't like it. She's told him to stop it repeatedly and he's ridiculed her.

You and your wife enjoying a bit of mutual groping has nothing to do with the OP and her situation. Your post is pointless.

It wasn't in front of our children. Our relationship in general is fine, he works a lot, I'm a sahm. Like I said, every argument stems from this.

I think this is all really on his terms; he keeps carping on about his lack of sex, states erroneously that normal couples act like this and then gropes you. Groping you is precisely the last thing he should be doing here if he really wants a satisfying sex life. This is really not about mismatched sex drives at all; this is about power and control. Which brings me to ask you whether he has been at all violent in the past towards you as well.

Why are you together at all now?. Can you actually answer that question.

I would also think carefully about what your children are learning from the two of you being together in this relationship. This is no healthy role model for them to be learning from, they hear all the raised voices and angry words.

Call the police??

My DP is always coming up behind me in the kitchen and touching me - i like it, even though my libido has upped and left due to medication, i like the intimacy. If im in a bad mood he knows to keep his distance though.

Have you told him you don't like it?

This thread is batshit

They do not even have to be in the same room to be affected by what is happening within their home. They hear you both and see you upset, stressed, flustered and trying to put a brave face on things for them afterwards.

No it's not normal, or 'nice' to just grab someone. Unless your view is that they are un object for you to just do what you want to. I never did this with my ex-wife. I respected her too much for that. It's an invasion.

LEM

She has told him to stop repeatedly and he has ridiculed her as a result.

Your situation is entirely different; it is mutual and trust based rather than based on power and control.

an object, not un object

There's a difference between thinking sex is important and thinking you have a right to touch your wife sexually whenever you want, even if she says no. One is normal, the other isn't.

He seems to have some difficulty understanding the concept of no meaning no, which is hugely worrying.

Does he generally believe he has some sort of ownership rights over you?

It's not acceptable if the OP has said she doesn't like it or want it. It warrants a serious chat about boundaries and respect, not calling the police, FFS.