Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will my husband come back?

293 replies

orangeskins · 05/03/2015 14:41

He has left me, telling me he doesn't love me anymore & has no effort to try at all.

I am completely and utterly shocked & devastated. He told me this a month ago too, except then he wanted to come back & try. He didn't try at all & has now left.

Will he come back to me at all? I'm so sad for our children (they don't know yet) Anything I say doesn't seem to make a difference.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 21:39

His car was seen outside her house & I spoke to him about it on the phone. He still told me, it was the wrong end of the stick etc etc

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 08/03/2015 21:41

You need to contact the tax credit office and make a claim as a single parent. you still get child tax credit without the working tax credit. also make sure that the child benefit is going into your account not his. If you are renting, then contact the DWP and see if you can get any assistance with rent or council tax.

If you could work 16 hours a week, then you would get working tax credit as well.

also, change your own passwords for everything, Mumsnet, bank account, email etc.

currentnameinuse · 08/03/2015 21:51

Oh also tell council tax you are on your own - 25% discount.

He prob won't admit to it will he - what an awful shock for you.

SilenceInTheLibrary · 08/03/2015 21:53

Kick him to the fucking kerb, OP. What an absolute twat he is. Had his head turned by some young thing, eh? Well, I wonder how she'd be if she had 3 young dc to look after, hmmm? Probably not so young, free and attractive. he is an arse of a man who fell for the oldest trick on the book.

For your own sake, do everything I said in my posts. Sort your life out. For your own sake. I'm so sorry you're going through this shit.

Christinayang1 · 08/03/2015 21:55

Oh Orange I am sorry, what a bastard

BuzzardBird · 08/03/2015 21:56

Don't forget, it wasn't the other woman that betrayed you. It was him. Cover yourself and your DC financially. Nothing else matters.

Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 21:58

Ok, so what are my options? What about child maintenance? What is a reasonable amount for that?

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 08/03/2015 21:59

Let it all out night when dcs are in bed, then tomorrow get up, take a deep breath, put your face on and fight for yourself and your dcs

Get a lawyer, tell everyone, accept help.....and get angry!

Christinayang1 · 08/03/2015 22:00

Get an apt with a lawyer ASAP, you can also go into the citizens advice at anytime

SilenceInTheLibrary · 08/03/2015 22:06

Get a lawyer. You can expect 20-25% of his salary for cm.You can also expect some spousal maintenance becuase you are a sahm. You are married, so you have rights in law. Whereabouts in the UK are you OP?

SilenceInTheLibrary · 08/03/2015 22:10

Can't be more emphatic OP _ get a lawyer - he will, most likely, try and persuade you that you can sort it all out without lawyers. He will tell you that lawyers will use up all your remaining money. He will tell you you're being unreasonable getting a lawyer. Don't listen to him. Get yerself a lawyer - a good one - by recommendation if you can. Best of luck, lovely.

Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:13

I am so fucking broken and angry at the same time. I love him so much, and so wanted this to work for all of us. My poor children now have to go through this and he doesn't give a fuck.

However much I love him, and feel it, he has now ruined it, and I don't feel like I can ever have him back anyway. (Even though I know he wont be back now) Which is confusing me, how can I love him so much, yet feel like its too much now?

However, I do want to know if these things work out normally (him & OW) I want to know what the chances are of them working out. I want to know, that he WILL feel the loss & the enormity of what he is doing at some point.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:14

So what is spousal payments? I heard also that if she is named, she may be liable for some costs too (of a divorce) However, this is from a friend abroad so not sure how true.

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 08/03/2015 22:15

If you know his salary you could calculate it yourself on the Child Maintenance Options website, then ask him for that amount. If he refuses then go through CMO to get it.

See a solicitor ASAP. Spousal Maintenance isn't always paid, it depends on circumstances and the advice your solicitor gives you. See if you can get free advice anywhere, some solicitors offer 30 minutes free.

Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:15

I am in the South East of England Silence

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:16

I did skye - it was pittance... .

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 08/03/2015 22:18

You don't stop loving someone over night, that will come, but you can start to see them for who they truly are

The better you make your life the worse it will be for him, your priority just now is securing a future for your dcs, every time you start to get sad or miss him, think of them , think of how he has pulled their family apart

Do you have some rl support?

skyeskyeskye · 08/03/2015 22:19

I presume that he doesn't earn much then, in which case Spousal Maintenance (SM) will be unlikely.

orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:22

Sorry posted too soon, it only went up to that in December, when he got his promotion. It was very little before that

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:23

Still not a lot though is it? I don't want to tell him what the calculator said, as its really not enough to manage 3 children

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 08/03/2015 22:27

I've done a quick check and make it £60 a week for 3 DC. It's not much no, but it is the MOST that you can legally get from him per week.

Get your tax credits sorted out tomorrow, and also your rent and council tax, make those your priorities.

skyeskyeskye · 08/03/2015 22:28

That's based on gross £1400 not take home.

Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:28

Skye its slightly less then that (wages) just didn't want to be too specific.

OP posts:
Original poster
orangeskins · 08/03/2015 22:50

Ok, so what is my best bet work wise now? I will contact council tax & rent tomorrow. I really don't have much to tell tax credits as I have no income at the minute (sahm)

OP posts: