Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Shall I tell his wife?

307 replies

upsetagain · 27/02/2015 19:16

Met a lovely guy online, he seemed perfect in so many ways. It was very intense, only 3 weeks but very intense. We planned a future together. I couldn't believe how compatible we were. I have waited for years to meet someone like him. Couldn't believe my luck.

Anyway found out he was married with a couple of kids. He gave me the usual rubbish, only together for the sake of the children. Separate bedrooms blah blah.

Told him it was over. I felt so angry, upset and humiliated and deceived, anyway I have done some digging around and have found out who his wife is on facebook. I have written her a long message with the complete transcripts of everything we said to each other on Facebook and intimate photos we sent to each other. I am just debating whether to send it to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
upsetagain · 28/02/2015 14:15

He has removed his profile now

OP posts:
Wadingthroughsoup · 28/02/2015 14:32

I once taught a boy called Chris Peacock. No word of a lie.

Sorry OP, as you were...

StickEm · 28/02/2015 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 28/02/2015 15:06

I am used to it, StickEm Smile

MewlingQuim · 28/02/2015 15:15

OP, how do you know that he didn't use a false name? Like one he had chosen of a publicly available register of wealthy professionals? And then he could change it once he had got his shag with a random woman of the internet?

Are you absolutely sure it is his wife?

AnyFucker · 28/02/2015 15:18

what....you he might have lied MQ ?

surely not

Original poster
upsetagain · 28/02/2015 15:18

He used his real name. He paid for dinner with cards. All the cards had his real name on it unless he had several cards with false names?

Yes it is definitely his wife, I am 100%

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 28/02/2015 15:19

you think

talbotinthesky · 28/02/2015 16:36

I would certainly want to know if someone was sleeping with my OH. Who the hell wouldn't?No need for too much detail though.
I hope you're feeling better soon, at least you found out quite quickly. Just think he's a twat amd you're far better off without him.

juneau · 28/02/2015 16:43

Yes, I would want to know too. Particularly if my DP was giving another woman oral sex. Bleugh!!!

chimchimini · 28/02/2015 17:12

I'd want to know too. Just don't send the photos.

Thanks for sneaking in the twunt [AF], always brings a smile!

Original poster
upsetagain · 03/03/2015 19:00

I have had a think and now I am starting to feel a bit better about things. I have decided it is best to tell his wife. I think she has a right to know

I don't expect to hear back from her, maybe he might send me some angry facebook messages or texts. I will deactivate facebook and change my number

OP posts:
flatbellyfella · 03/03/2015 21:08

Keep us informed upsetagain good to see you have made a firm decision .

Original poster
upsetagain · 03/03/2015 21:10

Thank you flatbellyfella planning on spilling the beans in the morning. Will let you know what happens

OP posts:
Louboutin37 · 03/03/2015 21:18

When I told the husband of the woman my husband had an affair with, 3 things happened:-

  1. I kept the details to a minimum in the first instance and told him he could ask me questions if her story didn't stack up

  2. I told him he had a window of a week to keep me involved as I couldn't bear the pain of regurgitating the details whilst I tried to sort my life out

  3. he thanked me profusely for telling him

I'd still want to know now if my DP was screwing me around. Always would

Louboutin37 · 03/03/2015 21:19

Should add that my DP isn't the aforementioned husband. I left him in a shot and got much happier

Original poster
upsetagain · 03/03/2015 21:20

That is good advice thank you. None of this is the wife's fault whatsoever

OP posts:
velouria · 03/03/2015 23:32

Well if I was his wife I would rather you sent the email tbh.

itsanewyear · 04/03/2015 01:10

Of course you should tell her, I also don't understand why people say you shouldn't. But I totally agree you should be gentle and very respectful in your communication with her.

itsanewyear · 04/03/2015 01:11

I think you should tell her, I also don't understand why people say you shouldn't. But I totally agree you should be gentle and very respectful in your communication with her.

XLIX · 04/03/2015 02:08

I fucking hate these threads. Dude, admit, you just want to tell his wife to get revenge. Don't sugarcoat it any other way. You are not looking out for her in anyway. You want to get even with this loser. You allowed yourself to get sucked in, accept it, move on. Leave the poor wife alone, she played no part in this mess. Grow the fuck up.

Faez · 04/03/2015 02:15

Wow. Regardless of her motives, the wife should be told.

zippey · 04/03/2015 02:29

I agree that the wife should be told, whatever the motive. So it causes turmoil to his happy life, this is all his doing. The OP is just telling the truth, and honesty is usually the best policy.

The only caveat to this is that you had better be prepared for questions and backlash. I think after delivering this information you should be on hand to the wife to answer any questions she might have.

BitOutOfPractice · 04/03/2015 07:14

Hmmm I agree with XLIX. Examine your motives very carefully op. Because doing something out of spite is never the right thing to do

And learn a lesson from this about being a little more cautious with your heart.

And NEVER send intimate pictures to anyone

Joysmum · 04/03/2015 08:00

It doesn't matter the motive, the wife will have the knowledge she needs to make an informed choice about her life.

Swipe left for the next trending thread