Shall I tell his wife?

[upsetagain]

Met a lovely guy online, he seemed perfect in so many ways. It was very intense, only 3 weeks but very intense. We planned a future together. I couldn't believe how compatible we were. I have waited for years to meet someone like him. Couldn't believe my luck.

Anyway found out he was married with a couple of kids. He gave me the usual rubbish, only together for the sake of the children. Separate bedrooms blah blah.

Told him it was over. I felt so angry, upset and humiliated and deceived, anyway I have done some digging around and have found out who his wife is on facebook. I have written her a long message with the complete transcripts of everything we said to each other on Facebook and intimate photos we sent to each other. I am just debating whether to send it to her.

I don't know why Handful is getting such a hard time on here, totally uncalled for and unnecessary. I do agree with Handful about the oral sex comment.

I think that provided the message sent to his wife was dignified and respectful then the OP has done the correct thing. The OP did seem to heed the advice taken in this respect especially regarding the photos. The last thing his wife needs to read, should she pick up the message, is an essay about exactly what happened intimately between her husband and the OP. A simple reference to his being unfaithful is sufficient, any other significant details are his wife's choice to ask should she choose to do so.

Personally if one of the women that my ex-DH had messed about with hadn't known he was married and had told me I wouldn't have cared if their motivation had been my right to know or revenge on him. But, I would have had an entirely different opinion on the woman involved depending on how she had told me.

It's one thing to be innocently caught up on it if you didn't know he was married and think that the wife should know what a cheating shit her husband is. It's quite different to be taunted with intimate detail before you know what has hit you.

Oh good grief. I was going to jump in with a, 'don't send'. It will most likely go into her 'others' folder and not be read until further down the line. I expect you'll get some response from her about this but possibly not for months when you'll have forgotten about him.

The names thing doesn't seem to stack up.

Fake name to him, presumably real name to wife via Facebook.

I would not beieve a Facebook message from someone with an obviously bogus account without photos or a raft of friends. I'd assume it was malicious.

Is that you on "This Morning"?

Thank god you sent it. I really don't understand why any woman would be happy to let another woman continue living a lie with a cheating husband. What a waste of a life. Best to know so she can get rid or be a doormat and forgive him.

You did the right thing.
Well done!