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Original poster

Shall I tell his wife?

307 replies

upsetagain · 27/02/2015 19:16

Met a lovely guy online, he seemed perfect in so many ways. It was very intense, only 3 weeks but very intense. We planned a future together. I couldn't believe how compatible we were. I have waited for years to meet someone like him. Couldn't believe my luck.

Anyway found out he was married with a couple of kids. He gave me the usual rubbish, only together for the sake of the children. Separate bedrooms blah blah.

Told him it was over. I felt so angry, upset and humiliated and deceived, anyway I have done some digging around and have found out who his wife is on facebook. I have written her a long message with the complete transcripts of everything we said to each other on Facebook and intimate photos we sent to each other. I am just debating whether to send it to her.

OP posts:
blueberrypie0112 · 27/02/2015 21:21

Wrong wrong thread. Mobile phone

unicornonabicycle · 27/02/2015 21:23

I've been the wronged woman. I worked it out for myself, but if I hadn't, I'd have wanted someone to tell me.

OP if you do decide to tell her, please be gentle, this is not her fault and it will be painful enough as it is. I really wouldn't send photographs. She doesn't need to see them and they will be forever in her head and she doesn't deserve that. I can understand your need for revenge, but please don't make the wife more miserable than necessary. I assume the photo reference was just for "evidence" - she will probably have a whole host of insecurities that you have just confirmed. And if she chooses not to believe you, that is up to her, but she will probably think more carefully the next time he says or does something that doesn't add up.

ilovelamp82 · 27/02/2015 21:25

I would want to know.

Original poster
upsetagain · 27/02/2015 21:27

The reason I was planning on sending the photographs was to prove what he had been upto so he couldn't make excuses for his behaviour

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 27/02/2015 21:28

Are you in them op? Does he know here you live?

Original poster
upsetagain · 27/02/2015 21:28

Unicorn - that's a good point, my current message is calling him a lying bastard and is awful. I will keep rewriting it

OP posts:
honeyroar · 27/02/2015 21:31

I've been the wronged woman. One of the things that hurt the most was being the last to know and feeling like an idiot, so from that point of view perhaps tell her. However bear in mind that it will hurt her a lot more than him and way more than you are hurting..

flatbellyfella · 27/02/2015 21:31

It's a pity, when you at first found out about his lies, you did not put on a big pair of Dock Martin boots , arrange another meet up & kick him where it hurts, hard as you could..teach the B***d a lesson he would remember.

Original poster
upsetagain · 27/02/2015 21:33

He doesn't have my address. I didn't give him my real name, I made one up

OP posts:
weedinthepool · 27/02/2015 21:33

You are 'lucky' in that you were wise enough to make sure your face wasn't in the pictures. I'd be worrying about those pictures more than anything Sad I suspect you won't be the only one who he's persuaded to trade these types of pictures with & I shudder to think what he's doing with them.

Original poster
upsetagain · 27/02/2015 21:34

I was planning on sending the naked pictures of him to his wife as evidence

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 27/02/2015 21:34

Ah good

AnyFucker · 27/02/2015 21:34

and you were planning a new life with him ?

you "fell in love" with someone who didn't even know your real name ?

did that feel "normal" to you ? It sounds like you were both playing games to me.

Christinayang1 · 27/02/2015 21:35

So you had planned a future with him but he didn't know your real name?

ISpeakJive · 27/02/2015 21:36

I'm a bit confused, OP!

You confessed your undying love for each other within the space of three weeks but he doesn't know your real name?

Sorry, have I missed something?

AnnieMorel · 27/02/2015 21:37

Move on, heal yourself by putting this catastrophe behind you.

Original poster
upsetagain · 27/02/2015 21:38

Like I said I am new to dating so thought it would be best he didn't have my real name in case anything went wrong. Good job I did

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 27/02/2015 21:39
Confused
Quiero · 27/02/2015 21:40

They were in love and planning a future together but he hadn't seen her face and didn't know her name.

Righteo then.

You've made a schoolgirl error and gave up too much of yourself on the internet. You're not heartbroken; you're just embarrassed. Move on.

Christinayang1 · 27/02/2015 21:41

When you were planning a future together you didn't think that perhaps giving your real name would be important?

This just doesn't add up

Original poster
upsetagain · 27/02/2015 21:45

I have a high profile job and kids and didn't want anything to come back and haunt me if things went wrong. It felt safer this way

OP posts:
Youngestone · 27/02/2015 21:48

It's a tough call, many people here make valid points for and against!

Higgle · 27/02/2015 21:50

I met a man once and was in bed with him within 3 hours of meeting and hopelessly in love and engaged after a fortnight, we have been married now for over 30 years, and still deeply in love. I hope cynics like AF won't persuade OP she was foolish to love too soon, the blame was all with the rat who took advantage. I'd tell his wife. there is another current thread concerning a seemingly nice bloke who carried on like this for over 25 years with his wife knowing nothing. It would be a brave and kind act to let her know.

AnyFucker · 27/02/2015 21:52

...like AF

and many others on this thread

MorrisZapp · 27/02/2015 21:52

Er righto then.