wwyd if OH mean about one of your kids....

[whyowhy26]

my boyfriend stayed over last night and although we had a good night he has really upset me this morning
my daughter ( whos 2 ) woke up at 6:30am crying at the stairgate on her bedroom door and woke us both up....I'm fine with this as I get up at 7am anyway and he needed to be up at 7:30ish but I knew he would be moody she was crying so I put the light on in her bedroom and said she could read books quietly while I went to get dressed....bearing in mind she had been asleep since 7pm straight ( she normally wakes in night ) I was quite proud of her
anyway I went to get dressed commenting how cute she sounded reading a book to her teddies....He started going on at me that shes like a newborn ( ie so demanding and cries for what she wants ) has got me wrapped round her little finger, has no routine ( as wakes in night ) etc etc.....I don't know what to say he seems to pick up on every tantrum etc she has which is normal as she's 2!!! but apparently his son never did blah blah blah....just hurts as shes so sweet to him and feel like i need to say something to stand up for her... but what???? saying this is pretty standard 2 yr old behaviour doesn't work as his child/his mates children don't act like that apparently....

Yes - you're not weak, things were just a bit shrouded in mist for you. Now that mist is going and you can see him more clearly.

That's strength for both you and your DCs.

Well done OP. You've so done the right thing. He will try and win you back - but you know you have to stay strong.
Life is too short to spend with arseholes. I know I've been there, got the t-shirt etc.
My ex used to "analyse" my daughter's behaviour all the time, talk about her being spoilt, difficult etc. In fact he was the spoilt, difficult one.
We eventually broke up, I had two years off dating and then met a gorgeous man who likes, loves and respects both me and my dd. Been together 7 years now and it feels so good knowing that she's growing up with a strong, positive relationship model in her life - not a man who thought she was "difficult".

He's not just expecting you to be submissive, he's expecting you to make you're role as a mum come below his wants too.

Unacceptable.

thanks for the replies....he has replied late last night saying wtf are you on about your mad I was only trying to help u as I know its hard for u with the kids on ur own....
bit of a joke really as the only persons behaviour I struggle to manage with is his! my daughters are 100x the person he will ever be!
obviously I didnt reply....he has sent 3 since then getting gradually nicer and the last one nasty again as I'm ignoring him and in his world that is the worst possible thing I guess!

Well done OP! Stay strong!

You and your children deserve so much better!

OP you are amazing, you are the best mum your daughters could ever have.

as for him 'only trying to help as he know its hard for you with kids on your own'...why the fuck couldn't he be more of a help then and get his lazy arse out of bed rather than sleeping in till half 7? he sounds really immature and not particularly fit to be a parent or step-parent for that matter.

very telling that his texts have changed their tone and turning nasty. guess he cannot handle being ignored and not having your attention solely devoted to him.

Well done why, keep ignoring. No doubt he will go back to nice, then back to nasty when you still don't reply. Classic abuse pattern.

You and your girls will be so much better off without him

Well done op

This part now is actually the hardest. Staying broken up after the initial Rush of breaking up If they really lay it on thick. I was always a sucker for a tearful apologetic phone call.

I really wish I left my abusive ex the first time we argued but I stayed for four years. Apart from being physically abusive to me he was mean to my dd1 - and the guilt that I let that happen kills me.

I really wish I'd been on MN 15 years ago.

Hang on in there for your girls x

Hes getting nasty because he though he was the boss now Why you've shown him just how irrelevant he is, he dont like that.

Well done OP.
Stay strong and keep ignoring.
Can you delete and block him now?
No matter how 'nice' he appears, please believe he won't change long term.
It will all creep back in again.
You deserve, and will find a lovely person who will love and support you in everything.

Keep ignoring him and read up on the cycle of abuse; what he is doing is the classic nice/nasty cycle but that is a continuous cycle.

I would also consider blocking his number from your phone so he cannot contact you further. He has continued to contact you even though this is now over.

Of course if he really thought you were mad he would be thrilled with his lucky escape! He's gaslighting you, trying to make you feel uncertain of yourself.

It';s best not to engage, but I would be tempted to ask how he thought he was helping, bitching about a little two year old reading to her teddies! You've really done so well OP. What you said about his remarks when he can hear your dd in your bed was very telling. He sounded jealous, as he considered your dd a rival. It would only have got worse.

It is, of course, the routine - nice, nice, nasty, NASTY, threats, cajole, nice, you're mad you are, nasty, sudden illness....

Tick them of as they appear. And don't reply. Rise above it, get on with your life and lovely dds.

Stay strong girl! We are all 100% behind you! Ignore, block, delete! Wishing you strength, conviction and happiness for the future!

Is it wrong OP that I actally did a little cheer when I read you'd dumped him.

Well done - you woke up to what an arsehole he is. You acted decisively toprotect yourself and your DC and now you will get the happiness you deserve. I'm sure of it!

Carry on ignoring. Not only is it the best and easiest thing to do for you, it will also dribe him more crazy than anything you can think of to say.

Just one thought - does he have a key to your place?

Get rid.

I haven't even RTFT, just the OP. There is no (happy) future in this. Put your daughter first.

Well I think you might need to RTFT don't. She has.

Well done OP,stay strong now, you are a great mum as you have put your children first.

Look after yourself and them and expect a few more nice/nasty texts over the weekend, if you feel like you are weakening snuggle those beautiful children
Xx

Well done! Keep strong for your dd's sake, he'll be doing everything to make you come to heel...

Why not just block his number if you mean it? Easy to do on whatsapp then he's gone

for you and a to share with your children. Plan a lovely w/end for yourself and the kids.and stay strong.

You are great OP! I think you would be best off blocking his number now, so that you aren't bothered with texts anymore. Really well done. Supermum!

"It is, of course, the routine - nice, nice, nasty, NASTY, threats, cajole, nice, you're mad you are, nasty, sudden illness...."
I had to laugh when I read this, its so right!

Its like some King Dick is printing them out on some kind of handbook:
Be nice, she might forgive you.
Be nasty, see if she can be scared into submission.
Be apologetic, she MADE you be mean but really you just want everything to be nice....
Be nasty again, worth a try.
"Sad, I'm so sad...." is she maternal/caring enough to be won over by this? Chuck in illness, or work trouble, money trouble, parent health issue, whatever might appeal to her nurturing side.
Go quiet for a little bit, then out of the blue send an innocent-sounding friendly text - maybe shes missing you and lonely enough she might be drawn back in.......

Its the same old dreary round, and underneath it all? Hes scared hes lost you because HE NEEDS YOU, he needs the power, youre in control and everything he takes denies you whats yours, your power, your happiness, your decisions, your time, your heart. You dont need him.

Get rid.

Sorry... just saw that you have.

Well done OP!