wwyd if OH mean about one of your kids....

[whyowhy26]

my boyfriend stayed over last night and although we had a good night he has really upset me this morning
my daughter ( whos 2 ) woke up at 6:30am crying at the stairgate on her bedroom door and woke us both up....I'm fine with this as I get up at 7am anyway and he needed to be up at 7:30ish but I knew he would be moody she was crying so I put the light on in her bedroom and said she could read books quietly while I went to get dressed....bearing in mind she had been asleep since 7pm straight ( she normally wakes in night ) I was quite proud of her
anyway I went to get dressed commenting how cute she sounded reading a book to her teddies....He started going on at me that shes like a newborn ( ie so demanding and cries for what she wants ) has got me wrapped round her little finger, has no routine ( as wakes in night ) etc etc.....I don't know what to say he seems to pick up on every tantrum etc she has which is normal as she's 2!!! but apparently his son never did blah blah blah....just hurts as shes so sweet to him and feel like i need to say something to stand up for her... but what???? saying this is pretty standard 2 yr old behaviour doesn't work as his child/his mates children don't act like that apparently....

thanks....I feel really weak, to tell u the truth tho I havent missed talking to him tonight and wondering what mood hes going to be in or being careful that I never mention my feelings...now hes got a frank msg of my feelings and he cant do anything about it....btw he hasnt read it yet which doesnt suprise me x

So impressed with you Why. You have saved yourself and your daughters a lot of future unhappiness there. Sounds like you have your head screwed on and you will be looking for the signs next time. Lots of kind men out there looking for a family who won't criticise your parenting or your children, just need to keep looking and chalk this one up to experience!

Well done you :) I was expecting pages of you coming up with reasons why he is great and why you shouldn't leave him.

Please stick to it. At times you might want to re-think your decision and he will most likely try to put it all on you in the hopes that you will feel shitty about yourself and take him back.

Please do not get into the trap of messaging him back and forth and risking him weakening your resolve. If you start to stumble please post here.

You've got this

Weak? no no no. You are not weak! It takes some women years and years to get out of relationships like this.

Well done Why you have made the right decision

and for you

Well done, Why.

You're not weak. You are a strong woman.

Also get your armour on as he will come back and try to make out he was saying it for you, blah blah blah. But remember your daughter is being completely normal for a two year old and anything he says in regards to normal toddler behaviour seems to be absolute bullshit. I have a three year old who wakes multiple times a night, sleeps in our bed, and 'rules the roost' but my husband is never grumpy or critical about it, he accepts that it is they way toddlers are! These are all covers for what he really wants to say, which is "ignore them, give all your emotional and physical energy to meeeee! I don't give a shit about them!"

thank you ....and yeah ill keep posting and update u what he replies...if he does but I think he will as he comes back all nice whenever I get a bit of courage to tell him I'm ending it ( have only told him previously tho that I'm considering it have never said thats it) I hope hes shocked but tbh it really doesnt matter anymore this morning was a step too far and thank u all for reinforcing what I already knew deep down that I was not overreacting by thinking this...x

And backing up what people say, giving him more details about what he did wrong will only give him more pieces of rope to hang around on. If he tries to eek it out, just be like a broken record. Look, I should feel happier in a relationship, I shouldn't feel judged. This isn't a new development and I've had enough. It's not up for argument. It's over and done. And repeat. If he tries to twist argument in new ways, just keep repeating it is all irrelevant because it is over for good, water under the bridge etcetera. People like this are way more experienced at emotional blackmail than you can imagine so you have to listen to what they say and see it in that light. How is he using words to manipulate me and to what purpose? Sorry sounds so harsh but just don't want you to have had this had decision to find yourself making up and apologising to this piece of shit.

I won't apologise I have nothing to apologise to him for apart from maybe that I gave him the impression that he would ever come before my childrens feelings...obv I wont say this im just beating myself up that I didnt sling him out on his arse at 7am this morning

op you are a total stranger to me but I feel so proud of you!

I was a single mum many years ago. I found the best 'twat radar' I could use was to judge every man I met by if I would want them to act the way they were or do the things they were doing around my child. Quite often the answer was a clear ' no' - which really helped me to stop giving the duds a chance.

I went on to meet my dh, who never gave me reason to doubt him, and has been and still is the best dad to my dc I ever could have wished for.

There are plenty of lovely men out there - so don't let the arsehole ones get in the way and block your view of them!

btw my daughters in my bed tonight and I dont care!!!! lol...I dont have to worry anymore that he will ring to say night she will start stirring and he will hear and make some sarcy comment like I guess shes got her own way again then! writing this all down makes me feel embarrassed I've been so stupid not to say wtf has it got to do with u ages ago...

@penguins thank you that almost made me cry lol ... all you ladies on here have been so kind and supportive .... a couple of traits completley alien to him! he was going on about us having a baby the other day...can u imagine! I'm so glad u all helped me never get to that point

Well done OP - you've done the right thing for your girls.

Don't cry! Be happy!

Don't feel embarrassed or guilty - no need at all. This sort of person is frequently very good at sliding their way into people's lives so that before they know it, they're in deep shit.

You did so well in doing what you did for your DCs at this stage and before he had a chance to really get stuck in. You should be proud of yourself and not ashamed.

Well done, you deserve to be rid of him, feel proud enough for having the courage to do so, many don't

He's just a shit, boring person, who also sounds quite thick. So well done on ditching him and no need for analysing.
If he rings, just say 'I've told you not to contact me. Any contact after this will be deemed harassment and I will pass your details on to the police.'

What an arsehole tell him not to let the door hit is arse on the way out.

I bet he had bugger all to raising his son if he thinks little ones don't wake in the night or have tantrums

Wel done OP, really Well done.

As a single mum, this thread horrified me until I got to the end. I really hope you do not go back to him, you realize his going play the nice guy role to worm his way back in?

He is a predator who wanted to control you and your children. Take a break from men and focus on your children, also look at what acceptable behaviour is from a partner. The moment he started criticising your dd you should have ended it.

I don't have a lot of time OP but just waved to post a supportive message. You've done the right thing. Please don't beat yourself up, you're not weak. You sound like a great mum who had her children's best interests at heart.

Best of luck to you .

*wanted and has, not had.

"he said to me last time I saw him that he's the boss in this relationship and I should be submissive...he was laughing as he said it and I thought he was joking but maybe theres an element of truth....I'm just shocked if thats what he thinks that he would be so blatent about it...he obv can see I'm really weak....x"

And if you want to see the future of being submissive in a relationship you only need to look at the thread entitled "Is our whole marriage based on this". That other poster was targeted by someone very similar to this man you have written of as well.

You are not weak but such men do skew their chosen victim's boundaries to their detriment so they wonder which way is up. I would suggest you look at Womens Aid Freedom Programme because I think that would really help you going forward. Also read "Living with the Dominator" by Pat Craven.

The above is yet another red flag about this man who I am so glad to read you have given the boot to. DO NOT let him back in or give him any opportunity to speak at you.