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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

wwyd if OH mean about one of your kids....

265 replies

whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 11:22

my boyfriend stayed over last night and although we had a good night he has really upset me this morning
my daughter ( whos 2 ) woke up at 6:30am crying at the stairgate on her bedroom door and woke us both up....I'm fine with this as I get up at 7am anyway and he needed to be up at 7:30ish but I knew he would be moody she was crying so I put the light on in her bedroom and said she could read books quietly while I went to get dressed....bearing in mind she had been asleep since 7pm straight ( she normally wakes in night ) I was quite proud of her
anyway I went to get dressed commenting how cute she sounded reading a book to her teddies....He started going on at me that shes like a newborn ( ie so demanding and cries for what she wants ) has got me wrapped round her little finger, has no routine ( as wakes in night ) etc etc.....I don't know what to say he seems to pick up on every tantrum etc she has which is normal as she's 2!!! but apparently his son never did blah blah blah....just hurts as shes so sweet to him and feel like i need to say something to stand up for her... but what???? saying this is pretty standard 2 yr old behaviour doesn't work as his child/his mates children don't act like that apparently....

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 26/02/2015 16:51

You're brilliant OP! Please come back and let us know how it went.

If you kept this guy in your life, sooner or later he would have started work on destroying your little girl's confidence and self-esteem. His language is manipulative, and I bet he is a hell of a lot more resentful on the inside, you are just seeing the overspill. And she's done nothing wrong! You definitely wouldn't want him around when she hits a difficult stage.

slightlyconfused85 · 26/02/2015 16:53

He sounds like a class A prat. Your dd sounds very normal, most 2 year olds are up by then and if mine is anything to go by there is still a bit of crying! I would get rid of him, as others have said your loyalty is with your dd.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 26/02/2015 17:05

Agree with what linerunner says again.

Be carefull not to enter in to a discussion about this. My ex was fantastic at diverting what I needed to talk about and spinning it back on me (which I always fell for) tears, out right denial, accusing me I had someone else (so I then tried to convince him there wasn't)

op I think your already in a vulnerable position as you wasn't seeing clearly what this man was doing anyway. I think he has already done a good job on your self esteem. I don't think you will get what you want from this show down.

I really hope by then end of tonight you have got rid of this jerk - for your girls sake. Good luck.

WestEast · 26/02/2015 17:07

You sound like a lovely mum OP. Well done on seeing the light of what a first class shit head he is.

pinkyredrose · 26/02/2015 17:17

hes never let me off lightly for any comment ive made thats annoyed him

Jesus! The more you write about this guy the more of a cunt he sounds. Good luck getting rid!

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 17:18

Thank you for all your kind replies....I'm very nervous but not sure why but I will get the job done once dds are asleep as I'm not wasting any of my time with them on him

OP posts:
stormtreader · 26/02/2015 17:36

seconding texting - you can say everything you want to without being talked over. If you feel bad about texting, maybe add something like "You can call me this evening if you want to say anything but my mind is made up that its over and that wont change"

EauPea · 26/02/2015 17:36

Well done Why.

If you tell him by text or over the phone neither is chickening out, you are protecting your Dds from having any more contact with this arse.

In this instance I think I would do it by text, this way you can be sure of saying exactly what you want with no chance of being talked over, or having your valid decision twisted and the whole disgusting episode minimised.

Text him, turn the phone off, give yourself a big squeeze and relax Flowers

EauPea · 26/02/2015 17:37

X-post stormtreader Grin

Jacana · 26/02/2015 17:40

C'mon wow, time to unleash your inner tiger. Just go for the throat, that'll guarantee he won't be spouting his sort of crap again to you, or any other young mum he targets. Bastard.

cozietoesie · 26/02/2015 17:45

.....he has a great nack of minimising everything ( unless its something done to him ) and making me feel like I'm overreacting or being stupid and twisting stuff so it makes it look like I'm actually the one in the wrong........

Oh boy - if you only knew how many women have experienced that at the start of an abusive relationship. Well done for being alert to it before he becomes really foul. (As I'm sure he would.)

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 17:57

he has sent me a msg to say some tickets we booked have arrived...and then rang twice...I havent answered but have sent a msg saying I wont be going will explain later atm I am spending time with my daughters

OP posts:
EauPea · 26/02/2015 18:00

Stay strong Why he will probably use the tickets as a stick to beat you with, but you are handling this brilliantly.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/02/2015 18:07

If you feel bad about texting, maybe add something like "You can call me this evening if you want to say anything but my mind is made up that its over and that wont change"

I would certainly text him asap and re the above which is good I would just simply write "We are over. My mind is made up that its over and that wont change".

Ignore any calls from him on your landline, infact I would contact your phone provide to block his number from this as of now.

He can give one of those tickets to someone else because you no longer require it. He's basically acting as if nothing has happened and wants to carry on as before.

He does not deserve your consideration, he has certainly shown your DD and by turn you as well none.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/02/2015 18:09

Do not give him any opportunity to speak to you because he will simply use that to minimise what has happened, blame you, try to talk you around. Infact he will use many versions of the base script such abusive and entitled men use on their victims to try and reassert control over them.

Text him asap and get him out of your lives for good.

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 18:54

cuddling my little daughter before bed....I feel so guilty :( feel like sending a really nasty msg saying she is at age 2 100x more of a decent person than he will ever be and hes a pathetic bully....maybe I shouldn't go quite that far tho...Think I'm just angry at him .. and me for not going mad at him this morning for what he said....

OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 26/02/2015 19:00

Well done OP!

You're an excellent mum. Don't doubt that for a second.

One suggestion - if he starts turning it around so it's your fault, a good reply is (in a flat neutral voice) 'Well, if that's how you feel, this is definitely good news for you, then - not having to put up with my behaviour any more.'

PatriciaHolm · 26/02/2015 19:01

I'd text, as others have said. You don't need to explain yourself. You owe him nothing. Text that you don't want to see him again, relationship is over, there is nothing to discuss, his belongings (if you have any) will be outside at 9am. Then block his number.

KellyElly · 26/02/2015 19:03

You have nothing to feel guilty for. You're putting your children first and there's many parents that don't do that x

KellyElly · 26/02/2015 19:04

*they're not their's!

MrsJohnLewis · 26/02/2015 19:27

You're a great mum. And your dd sounds like a sweetheart.

Ouchbloodyouch · 26/02/2015 19:43

Is his name Neil? Sounds like someone I went out with. He was horrible to my children and I should have got out sooner. I still feel shit about that.
Please do not be swayed. He is likely to up the anti and try and hook you back in.
You sound a wonderful mum. You have been concerned enough to question his behaviour and deciding to get rid.
Just don't let him back. Be strong.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 26/02/2015 19:57

Have you ditched him OP?

KellyElly · 26/02/2015 20:31

*there're (five hours later). Bloody iphone. Hope it's all going ok OP

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 20:44

hi all....No his names not neil lol...and I havent done the deed yet as im cuddling big daughter on sofa as she has a stomach ache...am thinking now once shes asleep I may just send a text I'm not sure I can even be bothered to speak to him! x

OP posts: