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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

wwyd if OH mean about one of your kids....

265 replies

whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 11:22

my boyfriend stayed over last night and although we had a good night he has really upset me this morning
my daughter ( whos 2 ) woke up at 6:30am crying at the stairgate on her bedroom door and woke us both up....I'm fine with this as I get up at 7am anyway and he needed to be up at 7:30ish but I knew he would be moody she was crying so I put the light on in her bedroom and said she could read books quietly while I went to get dressed....bearing in mind she had been asleep since 7pm straight ( she normally wakes in night ) I was quite proud of her
anyway I went to get dressed commenting how cute she sounded reading a book to her teddies....He started going on at me that shes like a newborn ( ie so demanding and cries for what she wants ) has got me wrapped round her little finger, has no routine ( as wakes in night ) etc etc.....I don't know what to say he seems to pick up on every tantrum etc she has which is normal as she's 2!!! but apparently his son never did blah blah blah....just hurts as shes so sweet to him and feel like i need to say something to stand up for her... but what???? saying this is pretty standard 2 yr old behaviour doesn't work as his child/his mates children don't act like that apparently....

OP posts:
Original poster
whyowhy26 · 27/02/2015 18:15

thank you for all your support....I'm still ignoring but hes persistent today as we have a hotel and tickets booked for tomorrow but tough shit! and no he doesn't have a key :)

OP posts:
NickiFury · 27/02/2015 18:18

How are you feeling? You know you did the right thing but it doesn't necessarily stop you feeling a bit sad about it I imagine.

Jacana · 27/02/2015 18:20

stormtreader is spot on in writing "he needs you"...

Too true, he thought he'd found his perfect mate, ie someone to be subservient to him.

Thank heavens you're strong enough to send him off Smile

heartisaspade · 27/02/2015 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenniferGovernment · 27/02/2015 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 27/02/2015 20:05

Op you have soooo done the right thing. I knew, when I heard what he said about your lo, that he would be being mean to you too and your subsequent post confirms it- he treats you meanly and he was starting on your dd.

It is always hard to get rid of someone, especially someone you have fallen for, but you have absolutely done the right thing, not just for her, but for yourself- don't you deserve someone who isn't moody, who doesn't make you worried and anxious and doesn't say undermining or mean things to you too?

You sound a sweetie, have lots of snuggles tonight with your lo. By the way sleeping 12 hours is amazing, she's a star, and he's the loser as he can't see that.

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 27/02/2015 20:36

hi....I'm feeling a bit sad about it all tonight tbh I think last night I was feeling powerful and running on adrenaline but that feeling has worn off....I do love him! I guess I'm just missing the person I thought he was rather than the one he actually is! x

OP posts:
GatoradeMeBitch · 27/02/2015 20:43

You've really got your head screwed on right. It took me ages to work that out about my ex. If you start to feel weak, write down a list of the nasty things he has done, look at your little girls and know that you've saved them from having an emotionally abusive man as a primary role model.

KellyElly · 27/02/2015 20:45

That's normal. My ex was a narcissist and was emotionally abusive to me and it still took me ages to get over him. Life is so much better now. Stay strong Thanks

Joyfulldeathsquad · 27/02/2015 20:51

Oh I know that feeling op . Chin up Wine

There are plenty of lovely blokes out there!

43percentburnt · 27/02/2015 20:52

Stay strong why, stay strong. Reread the thread from the beginning, remember the nasty things he said. You deserve better, your dd deserves better. Now what activities do you like doing? Reading? Making stuff? Music? There are plenty of threads on here to occupy you in your time of weakness.

bringbacksideburns · 27/02/2015 20:58

He sounds horrible - don't go back to him. If he's like this now imagine what the hell he'll be like as your daughter gets older.

Your daughter sounds very well behaved actually. I wonder how often he sees his child and how their relationship will progress.

ShizeItsWeegie · 27/02/2015 21:00

He sounds like a controlling loon OP. I know the feeling of missing the person you thought he was though. When I feel like you are right now, I turn off all the lights and curl up on the sofa in a sort of 'lying low' scenario as it makes me feel safe and more self contained in a 'concentrating on me and the DCs' sort of way IYSWIM. Don't answer, block but keep unpleasant texts etc. as you may need evidence in the future. Chances are he will move on and bring joy and radiance to the life of some other poor unfortunate! Thankfully you have made sure it is not you any more. Stay strong. He has an ego like a planet and he is strugging to understand how you dare to dump him so it might take a while!

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 27/02/2015 21:30

@shize....oddly enough currently I am lying on the sofa in the dark with eldest dd watching bear grylls lol...great minds eh! lol x

OP posts:
chocolatereindeer · 27/02/2015 21:36

Hi OP, I replied much earlier in the thread and just popped back to see how you're doing - glad I did, and really happy for you and DDs Smile Wine

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 27/02/2015 23:32

thank you...ive just realised ive actually said what I wanted to say for the 1st time in over a year! I cant tell u how many times ive wrote him a massive text out telling him how awful he makes me feel and how hes took away all my confidence etc but never had the guts to send any of them as I didnt want to break up....god knows why! I'm embarrassed now that it took him making a comment about my baby for me to actually stand up for myself for once x

OP posts:
Original poster
whyowhy26 · 27/02/2015 23:41

feel like I've got a load of unanswered questions now re our relationship and how he acts to me its a bit torturing tonight ( obv not enough to speak to him tho ) just sounding off sorry....

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 27/02/2015 23:44

No need to be embarrassed - and feel free to sound off! It sounds as if finding your voice has come as a bit of a shock to you. Smile

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 27/02/2015 23:53

Yeah it has! honestly I have pages of draft texts on my phone that I've never had the balls to send id love to say loads to him but I can't x

OP posts:
Joyfulldeathsquad · 28/02/2015 00:00

Op I take my hat off to you. At the beginning of the thread I thought you wouldn't come back and just disappear like so many do.

Well done, you were stronger than me. Flowers

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 28/02/2015 00:03

Can I just ask as you ladies seem to have more knowledge of this than me would u class these things as abusive/really bad or have the things ive been "whinging" apparently about for months really nothing and I am just a moaner and never happy like he says....
having to always ask for a kiss or a hug to get the response of he will in a bit chill out
making "jokes" about my weight n then saying he was only kidding I'm too sensitive ( I'm a size 10-12 btw and have never worried about my weight till now )
chatting to me for ages on the phone when hes bored at work and making me feel guilty if I have to go but then if u ring him he says he will talk to me for 10min before bed or before he goes to watch tv etc
EVERY single time I've mentioned hes upset me he says I'm not listening to this ur stressing me out/chill out n ring me when ur in a better mood
happily let's me spoil him rotten affection and sexually wise but never does anything to me....
never acts like he loves me but says I love u to shut me up n to be able to say see I am nice!
witholds all affection sometimes even if I do ask he says no
and CONSTANTLY being told to chill out anytime I say anything is wrong with me ( that drove me mad )
jeez that's a long list Sad and I'm sure there's more just need to get it all off my chest and don't want to end up txting it to him!

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 28/02/2015 00:09

He's a self obsessed selfish arse. Honestly, don't waste any more headspace on him! The more you explain the worse he sounds!

Ouchbloodyouch · 28/02/2015 00:11

I'm 42. .my similar relationship was at 39 . I didn't have a clue of what normal was. Looking back i was beyond naive Blush i became knowledgeable by doing the exacting same thing as you.
I don't believe everything i read by a long shot but reading relationships was like lights being switched on..

Ouchbloodyouch · 28/02/2015 00:12

I agree with Patricia. Hes a dick!

jackydanny · 28/02/2015 00:35

Eh?

It will never be as easy to leave him & stay away as it is now (even though it's hard) you will start to get better. The longer you stay with these men the lower you feel and the more difficult it becomes.

Well don't for standing up for your daughter. Long may it continue.
In time, you will all be standing for each other.
Until then, keep coming back!

We care