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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

wwyd if OH mean about one of your kids....

265 replies

whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 11:22

my boyfriend stayed over last night and although we had a good night he has really upset me this morning
my daughter ( whos 2 ) woke up at 6:30am crying at the stairgate on her bedroom door and woke us both up....I'm fine with this as I get up at 7am anyway and he needed to be up at 7:30ish but I knew he would be moody she was crying so I put the light on in her bedroom and said she could read books quietly while I went to get dressed....bearing in mind she had been asleep since 7pm straight ( she normally wakes in night ) I was quite proud of her
anyway I went to get dressed commenting how cute she sounded reading a book to her teddies....He started going on at me that shes like a newborn ( ie so demanding and cries for what she wants ) has got me wrapped round her little finger, has no routine ( as wakes in night ) etc etc.....I don't know what to say he seems to pick up on every tantrum etc she has which is normal as she's 2!!! but apparently his son never did blah blah blah....just hurts as shes so sweet to him and feel like i need to say something to stand up for her... but what???? saying this is pretty standard 2 yr old behaviour doesn't work as his child/his mates children don't act like that apparently....

OP posts:
AGirlCalledBoB · 26/02/2015 13:06

I would dump him personally. If he has so little patience with her now that will not improve. Not quite sure what he expects from a toddler!

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 13:10

hi .... I realise you are all right ( I knew that anyway really just needed confirmation I wasnt over reacting)
I am going to speak to him later once I have decided what to say that truly captures how hurt I am by what hes said about my gorgeous little girl....
I am going to end it I think as I'm shocked and dont want him round her with that attitude or to be treading on eggshells in my own home anytime she displays normal 2yr old behaviour!
just in reply to a couple of the posts....no he hasnt slagged her off for a whole yr...this is a very recent thing and not constant but he does seem to pick up on alot that I would just ignore....
and I didnt realise balshy was a cuss and certainly didnt mean it as that to describe her what I mean is she is loud, lively, strong willed ( def not a bad thing as wish I was more like that ) I was just trying to describe how she is and the fact that shes so different to my other daughter ( not worse just different ) prob accentuates how loud etc she is in his head .... his son is not perfect either btw no child is and ive seen his bad behaviour occasionally with my own eyes but hes a kid!!!! so id never run him down or tell OH that hes doing it wrong....

OP posts:
AGirlCalledBoB · 26/02/2015 13:12

I think you are making the right decision, I could not handle being around a man like that constantly commenting on my parenting and my child.

It's just too much. Good luck with it all

SylvaniansAtEase · 26/02/2015 13:18

DUMP THIS GUY.

Do your daughters one HUGE favour and ditch him now.

You are already walking on eggshells. Don't minimise it, don't try and explain it away, don't think you can improve it.

What do you want for your daughters, and yourself? THE BEST.

A genuinely GOOD man. One who will care for them, be LOVELY to them.

Not one who's 'ok', but a bit of a twat.

This isn't a good partner, or stepfather-to-be.

You are not overreacting in ANY way - you have exactly the right idea to dump.

AdoraBell · 26/02/2015 13:21

Good luck.

Don't let him talk you round because this is too important and you are definitely right To be unhappy with his attitude.

KellyElly · 26/02/2015 13:21

You're doing the right thing OP. There are plenty of good men out there who will be much more respectful towards the fact that your children are great and that they come first.

chimchimini · 26/02/2015 13:22

I'm glad you're going to talk to him, but as everyone else has said I think the last words need to be 'fuck off'.

As previously said, don't leave her alone with him. If he's saying that in front of you, what's he doing when you are out of the room?

FenellaFellorick · 26/02/2015 13:22

I think that this is the right choice. You see what can happen when a man manages to convince his partner that her child is a problem. It's good that you are saying no, I will not have in my life someone who has such an attitude towards my child.

Be prepared though, for him to tell you you are overreacting, that you are over-sensitive, that there is something wrong with you because he only wants to help or it's only his opinion, for him to promise to change, etc etc

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 13:25

@fenella...he already said this morning I'm only saying it cos I care and she has you wrapped round her little finger/she rules the roost etc and he's trying to help me have an easier life!!!

OP posts:
FenellaFellorick · 26/02/2015 13:32

no surprise there. Just prepare yourself for what he's likely to say to you once you tell him you are ending the relationship.

It is just unacceptable for your poor child to be seen that way and I am so glad that you no longer question whether you are overreacting.

Ohfourfoxache · 26/02/2015 13:32

Read your posts and skimmed responses, so here may have been others that have said this.

Agree with Holdthepage - unfair and unnecessary comparisons now will only get worse as time progresses. You can bet your arse that his ds was no angel at that age but that his ex also walked on egg shells so as not to annoy him.

Your dd sounds fabulous btw. He sounds like an intimidating sod and think you're probably best off getting rid ASAP.

WD41 · 26/02/2015 13:42

So glad to hear you're getting rid.

Don't let him talk you round because he will try. He will try and minimise how you're feeling and turn it round onto you

Good luck

Bakeoffcake · 26/02/2015 13:43

You are making the right descision OP.

get rid of him and his moodiness.

ISpeakJive · 26/02/2015 13:49

@fenella...he already said this morning I'm only saying it cos I care and she has you wrapped round her little finger/she rules the roost etc and he's trying to help me have an easier life!!!

She's 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mellicauli · 26/02/2015 13:50

He sulks because a toddler cries? He's the baby! Not sure he's ready for the realities of family life. Why doesn't he live with his son any more? You may be beginning to see the reason why.

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 13:56

he does sulk! More than her tbf...well he can sulk on the fact that he's single later can't he! I'm so angry I can't talk to him atm...I said I'd call him but haven't....
may need to rant later after telling him if that's ok....
Thank you for your replies Smile

OP posts:
KellyElly · 26/02/2015 14:00

Rant away! Just make sure you get rid. There's as much support as you need on here Thanks

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 14:21

Thanks and will do :) I can't wait to see her later ( she's at nursery as I'm at work ) gonna give her a massive hug I feel guilty I must be a bad mum :(

OP posts:
Penguinsaresmall · 26/02/2015 14:47

You are not a bad mum! You feel so bad about the way he acted because you're a good mum Smile

You (and she) can do so much better Flowers

MrsKitty · 26/02/2015 14:52

You're not a bad Mum - you've shown that by realising this bloke is a prick and is damaging to your DD and to your relationship with her. You've shown you're not a bad mum by acting on that realisation and deciding to end it now, rather than later. Stay strong, you're doing the right thing.

Original poster
whyowhy26 · 26/02/2015 15:03

thank you...I feel like one tho I should have kicked him out there and then! I am worried about having "the chat" with him later....he has a great nack of minimising everything ( unless its something done to him ) and making me feel like I'm overreacting or being stupid and twisting stuff so it makes it look like I'm actually the one in the wrong....

OP posts:
lunar1 · 26/02/2015 15:06

You don't have to justify anything when you finish things. Just tell him it's not working and you are ending things. No need to give him chance to twist your words.

Quitelikely · 26/02/2015 15:07

You aren't a bad mother at all. If you were your instincts wouldn't be kicking in like they are.

That's what took you here, your maternal instinct.

That instinct is there for a reason.

geekymommy · 26/02/2015 15:08

Even kids who ARE clones (identical twins) do not behave identically.

I'd be thrilled if my 2.5 yo DD slept like that and was willing to read books by herself after waking up.

As long as you do kick him to the curb reasonably soon, the details like how and when are much less important.

Nearasdammit · 26/02/2015 15:13

You're not a bad mum.

If you stay with him - THAT will make you a bad mum.