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Original poster

Really nice guy or odd?

163 replies

Timmytime2025 · 20/02/2015 23:18

So I met this guy though some friends. I'm not looking for a relationship at all and have a young baby. He is interested in a relationship i tell him we can be friends and that's it I'm not interested in dating. Anyway we text backwards and forward most days and have been out for a walk with our dogs a couple of times nothing romantic at all. I've enjoyed having a male bit of company.

It's clear he likes me and is forever offering to do all sorts for me but I say no. I have not led him on ever.
He's in his 30s but appears to have had no relationships (which I find odd) and is obviously very keen to be in one. He mentioned that he had tried to make something work with someone who was very dull and that he has been on lots of dates where women don't stay in touch after. Which I found odd. He also tries far too hard to be helpful to the point where i find it suffocating. He's tonight offered to drive me to and from a friends party a three hour round trip away when I said that I wasn't going because it was too much driving with LO.

I'm not used to a man being sensitive and thoughtful as this guy is. He's lovely and very easy to talk too and get on with.

The bottom line is I really enjoy his company as a friend but I can't quite work him out. He replies to my messages in seconds and if he's going to be busy for a bit he will tell me first. A couple of times he's mentioned about LO having a father figure which immediately puts my back up. He offers to do jobs on my car and all sorts of things. He also once or twice has mentioned about doing things together in the distant future. He's forever asking after me and LO and remembers anything I ever tell him.

Is this my issue because I'm used to being on my own and this is a nice guy trying to be a friend and help or is it very over the top? I don't want to be mean to him if I'm just being over sensitive but in the same way I don't want to be leading him on or not saying back off if I should?

OP posts:
PoppyField · 20/02/2015 23:21

Bit too full on. He sounds like he is creeping you out. The offer to drive you to the party is odd.

BaronessBomburst · 20/02/2015 23:26

I agree. That's too full on. I'd be wary too.

KB02 · 20/02/2015 23:32

I think you should trust your instincts on this one. I would run a mile.

nicenewdusters · 20/02/2015 23:33

This would be far too much for me. It sounds like he can't pick up on the subtleties and hints that people give him, and just ploughs on with doing as he wants. Although at the moment this just makes him a nice guy offering to help you out, in the long term it would drive you crazy !

avocadotoast · 20/02/2015 23:34

Mm, sounds like he sees himself as more than a friend. Too full on. I'd be creeped out.

pictish · 20/02/2015 23:36

I'm surprised you're puzzled as to why he has never had a girlfriend tbh. It's obvious to me. He's too keen, far too intense, and believe you me, all these seemingly kind offers of help will come with a price attached.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/02/2015 23:38

It sounds like he thinks this is becoming a relationship. He's overstepping the mark, you have told him you're only friends, but I don't think he's listening.

TokenGinger · 20/02/2015 23:39

I'm not sure this guy is creepy, more so just being fed by why you're allowing him to do.

Just because you've had a conversation at the start saying you don't want a relationship, that doesn't mean that what you're doing isn't leading him on.

Texting back a forth daily is leading him on, in my opinion. This is not a criticism at all, merely an observation. If I'd told a guy I wanted a relationship and he'd said no but continued to text me daily, my mind would tell me he's likely coming round to the idea of it.

He's misinterpetinf everything you two do as it meaning something because he clearly wants it so much.

I'd probably try to minimise the texting and let him become less dependant on you x

handfulofcottonbuds · 20/02/2015 23:44

Do you feel you could tell him to back off, in a nice way? I feel a little sorry for him as it sounds like he has little or no idea of social boundaries.

I would be inclined to tell him that it's too much, feels too full on etc. He clearly has no clue why women don't stay in touch after a date and maybe, as a friend, you could have a chat with him about his boundaries.

ringinginthenewyearO · 20/02/2015 23:45

yes it's full on but why would it be wrong if he gets on with you and you both enjoy company and he trying to help you in any way, as he probably thinks well why not.

why is it that he is immediately dissed by women here that they would run a mile. For me consisteny in a relationship is key. if someone is full on one day and pulls back another this is headwrecking, if he wasn't making an effort then you'd think whyisn't he?
sometimes i do think us women can't be happy either way, or waiting for something bad to happen. Maybe he's just a nice guy! They say nice guys come last but to be honest I'm contemplating ending my relationship and finding a nice guy that is dependable, helpful, attentive and consistant.
I am going to start my own thread OP as i'm at the other end of the spectrum and I suspect like i feel myself i will be told ditch him. he is selfish and doesn't care enough about you. it will be interesting to seethe responses. I want what you have and I;m not getting it.

trackrBird · 20/02/2015 23:50

the suffocating feeling is telling you something.
Ease off on the texts, and continue to politely refuse his offers of help. He is too focused on you and is overstepping the mark. You need a little distance.

pictish · 20/02/2015 23:59

He isn't offering to drive you on a three hour round trip to a party he's not even invited to because he's a nice guy. He's doing it because he hopes it will go some way to getting into your knickers. He will most certainly be hoping for a return on his investment.
Unless you want him in your pants, put a halt on this whole thing now.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 21/02/2015 00:04

He's a creepy weirdo with zero social skills and no sense of proper personal boundaries.

Please don't get involved.

Botanicbaby · 21/02/2015 00:04

"A couple of times he's mentioned about LO having a father figure which immediately puts my back up."

This would make my hackles rise too.

Sorry if it sounds harsh but it sounds like he's not listening to you at all. You have been clear that you like him as friends, you're not looking for a relationship. He is.

Basically you want different things. No matter how much of a 'nice' guy he is, if he doesn't respect your feelings. I don't think he's as 'sensitive and thoughtful' as you think he is, sounds like it comes with a price.

I don't think its your issue, I don't think you are leading him on and I do think his 'helpfulness' is a bit over the top tbh.

MrsMogginsMinge · 21/02/2015 00:09

Not so much a nice guy, but sounds like a classic case of Nice Guy Syndrome (Google it). Underneath it all there will be a sense of bitterness and entitlement which is rightly setting off your spidey senses. Your Nice Guy is not offering these things out of the goodness of his heart - he thinks if he pays in enough kindness tokens you will eventually dispense some sex. Run away!

TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 21/02/2015 00:13

Id stop texting him So much.

TrollsTrollsEverywhere · 21/02/2015 00:15

I think you can lack social skills and NOT be a creepy weirdo Confused

Justmuddlingalong · 21/02/2015 00:22

Or you'll end up being the bad guy. 'I thought we were getting on great, I've done loads for you, I thought you'd changed your mind and we were becoming a wee family, I would do anything for you, I enjoyed our romantic dog walks, I had imagined a future with is all together.' It seems it's all about how he is perceiving your friendship, which sounds the complete opposite to how you perceive it. Don't get to the stage where he may become nasty about how he believes you 'led him on'. I would slowly but steadily disengage from him

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 21/02/2015 00:29

I think you can lack social skills and NOT be a creepy weirdo

Yes, that's why I said with zero social skills, not therefore has

bettyboop1970 · 21/02/2015 00:40

I think pictish is right about wanting to get into your pants!
He seems desperate.

pictish · 21/02/2015 00:49

I mean let's face it, if your mate told you they couldn't be arsed driving to a party an hour and a half away because it was too far away, you wouldn't offer to take them there yourself would you?

Desperate is right. And what's more, when he doesn't get what he thinks he's earned, he will not be best pleased.

pictish · 21/02/2015 01:07

This article may go some way to helping you work him out OP. x

Wrapdress · 21/02/2015 01:13

Does he have a life of his own? Or are you it?

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 07:45

He does have a group of friends and is quite busy but works from home so can text backwards and forwards all day if he wants too. I've been really busy the last few days and have pulled it back so it might be hours before il send a response but a reply comes in 4 minutes tops.

He mentioned the word weird 5 times in the sentence about the lift to the party which made it seem more odd to me!

He mentions people by name that I have fleetingly mentioned which I find odd. Or will say I haven't heard of such and such if I mention someone new.

I have a bad track record with men so the reason I posted this is because I don't want to be horrible to someone who is nice if that makes sense? If the issue is me.

The last thing in the world I want is a relationship with someone or a father figure for LO. I have said this repeatedly but it's not sinking in I think.

I agree with others I've said about ten times to him why does he think these women disappear. He definitely does come across a bit desperate but then is quite a geeky personality.

How to get out of this one.....?!

OP posts:
Brandnewattitude · 21/02/2015 07:56

Well if you don't want a relationship with him then don't text him, don't go on any more walks and definitely don't accept any offers to help you. In my experience, it is always a ploy to get in someone's pants. Or a way to control you/have you indebted to him.

I had a relationship with a stiflingly over-helpful man, I declined most of his offers to help but when I ended the relationship he complained he felt used!

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