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Original poster

Really nice guy or odd?

163 replies

Timmytime2025 · 20/02/2015 23:18

So I met this guy though some friends. I'm not looking for a relationship at all and have a young baby. He is interested in a relationship i tell him we can be friends and that's it I'm not interested in dating. Anyway we text backwards and forward most days and have been out for a walk with our dogs a couple of times nothing romantic at all. I've enjoyed having a male bit of company.

It's clear he likes me and is forever offering to do all sorts for me but I say no. I have not led him on ever.
He's in his 30s but appears to have had no relationships (which I find odd) and is obviously very keen to be in one. He mentioned that he had tried to make something work with someone who was very dull and that he has been on lots of dates where women don't stay in touch after. Which I found odd. He also tries far too hard to be helpful to the point where i find it suffocating. He's tonight offered to drive me to and from a friends party a three hour round trip away when I said that I wasn't going because it was too much driving with LO.

I'm not used to a man being sensitive and thoughtful as this guy is. He's lovely and very easy to talk too and get on with.

The bottom line is I really enjoy his company as a friend but I can't quite work him out. He replies to my messages in seconds and if he's going to be busy for a bit he will tell me first. A couple of times he's mentioned about LO having a father figure which immediately puts my back up. He offers to do jobs on my car and all sorts of things. He also once or twice has mentioned about doing things together in the distant future. He's forever asking after me and LO and remembers anything I ever tell him.

Is this my issue because I'm used to being on my own and this is a nice guy trying to be a friend and help or is it very over the top? I don't want to be mean to him if I'm just being over sensitive but in the same way I don't want to be leading him on or not saying back off if I should?

OP posts:
AuntieDee · 21/02/2015 12:32

Eeek email - that's harsh! You could have at least had the decency to tell him to his face :(

PerpetualStudent · 21/02/2015 12:40

I don't think an email is harsh, sometimes things need to be in black and white to really sink in.

pictish · 21/02/2015 12:41

I certainly would not recommend ending a friendship with a man as intense as he is, face to face.
Email is perfect.

pictish · 21/02/2015 12:47

And I agree with perpetual - when it's there in black and white, there's no room to misconstrue what you have said, or attempt to guilt you into changing your mind. It also ensures your safety should he not take it well.
Sending an email was perfectly decent...and sensible.

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 12:59

I'm not dumping him we weren't in a relationship at all I'm nicely saying what I have always said which is we are friends only.
We haven't known each other very long which is a reason why it's so OTT well no response I hope I was wrong and he's just a nice person whose gone a bit over the top. If not I guess a nasty email is coming my way!

OP posts:
TastelesslyDone · 21/02/2015 13:00

Good grief.

We know fuck all about this guy, save for what's written in the OP, and he's already become a horny, desperate guy obsessed with getting into OP's pants!

Isn't it just possible that he really likes OP, but has a slightly massively over-the-top way of showing it? I think the email you've sent should spell things out nicely OP. If he reacts badly: fine. But let's give him the benefit of the doubt before writing him off completely, eh?

pictish · 21/02/2015 13:02

Hopefully, he'll be a good sort and get back to you saying he understands that, and it's all cool. x

talbotinthesky · 21/02/2015 13:07

Fingers crossed he takes it well. Be nice to know there are some genuine people about Smile

pictish · 21/02/2015 13:16

Yes I agree, it would. But OP's instincts are there for a reason, and they're telling her this guy doesn't sit right. It's a foolish person that ignores those instincts for the sake of not rocking the boat.
Sometimes it's lovely to be proved wrong though, and with any luck, OP will find this one of those happy occasions.

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 13:18

Hopefully! I'd like to think I'm not that bad a judge of character but there's been a few things he's done that make me feel very uncomfortable the odd lift offer last night, mention of LO having a father figure, and all this talk about loads of dates from dating websites and people not getting back to him all could be something or nothing. He is also big into cars and then casually mentions he's only had his licence since he was 25 when I had been under the impression perhaps wrongly that he's been into motor sports and doing up cars all his life.
I maybe a total cynic but there's something that just doesn't feel quite right and the lift thing last night just set me off.
I do like the guy a lot or I wouldn't spend time with him and because of LO and my friends living all over the country I stay in touch with a lot of friends via text through the day so it's no abnormal for me and some of them are male.
I have never said or done anything other than friendly we have walked dogs a couple of times and had a cup of tea I know I haven't led him on. If he has seen it differently and I've hurt his feelings Id be sorry about that.
We will see if I hear anything..
In the past I have had a nightmare with someone who wouldn't leave me alone I could be thinking like this because of that I just feel better they others think it's a bit odd too.

OP posts:
MadeMan · 21/02/2015 13:21

"mention of LO having a father figure"

This is the one that really seems odd to me; it's far too presumptuous.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/02/2015 13:31

All those things you mention can easily fall into the category of 'exaggerating to impress'. As for the 'father figure' comment, he could simply be trying to let you know that he's the fatherly type, as opposed to the sort that see a child as a bit of an inconvenience.

If you've had problems with unwanted attention before that's bound to colour your judgement. I think what you have to take from this is that most single straight adult males when presented with an offer of friendship from a single adult female backed up with frequent texts and so forth, will automatically assume - whatever you say to the contrary - that there is an opportunity to be more than friends.

SaucyJack · 21/02/2015 13:49

I think it's pretty bloody clear he wants to "get into the OP's pants"- but I also don't see this as a insult personally. He's a single man who fancies a single woman. It isn't a crime.

However. Seeing as you're not interested, you absolutely did the right thing in reminding him that your friendship isn't going to go anywhere OP.

pictish · 21/02/2015 13:59

I am well prepared to accept that I may be being doom laden and negative here btw - but in my own experience, when people who are too intense and desperate to please, and who want to be around you and in contact with you all the time come into your life, they end up having to be punted back out of it again.

trackrBird · 21/02/2015 14:12

I share your views Pictish, especially given how the OP feels about the situation. I think there is motive behind his actions, not necessarily sinister motive, but motive nonetheless. Distance is best for the moment.

SaucyJack · 21/02/2015 14:13

He may well be an arsehole Pictish. I do know the type.

If he ever starts posting friendzone memes on Facebook it's time to run like the wind.

BOFster · 21/02/2015 14:20

I agree with your assessment of it, Pictish, absolutely. I hope he doesn't get unpleasant.

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 14:22

Me too! I really don't need it had more than my fair share of shit lately but that's a whole new thread. Can't believe I've got it so wrong if that's how it goes... He's not replying so god knows

OP posts:
talbotinthesky · 21/02/2015 15:12

He might be a little insulted you did it by email. Sometimes no contact is preferable. Maybe he's crying into his soup Confused

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/02/2015 15:24

Some men think women are as simple as vending machines. If they pay in enough Nice Guy tokens sooner or later they'll get love/sex/relationships.

It does sound like this guy is hovering, looking for a way to work himself into your life, and the 'father figure' part says a lot. It says he has traditional, possibly misogynist ideas about women. And his response will say a lot. If he mentions the 'friend zone' then he'll probably be feeling very pissed off. He invested all those Nice Guy tokens in you, where's his sex?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/02/2015 15:37

'Where's his sex?'.... Hmm

I think that's pretty dumbed down crude and not fair based on the information given. He's had a 'thanks but no thanks' now which sounds long overdue.

Rafflesway · 21/02/2015 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/02/2015 15:47

AS??

Lonely thirty-something single male meets lonely single female. Talks about dates and 'father figures'.... and this doesn't put her off! OK, so she says she's not interested in a relationship but where's the harm in trying? Exchanges texts regularly, helps her out with various things, goes walks in the country... That's a closer relationship than a lot of marriages!

AS my arse....

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/02/2015 15:47

CogitoErgoSometimes - I'm speaking from personal experience. This guy may be better - hopefully the OP will update us when he replies, and we'll see!

talbotinthesky · 21/02/2015 15:50

I asked out a lady who said we can only be friends, now I'm friends with her. I'd never dream of trying it on with her, some men aren't obsessed with sex you know! As for favours, I'd extend her the same ones I would do for anyone else.
Am I misunderstanding friend zoning? I love making a new friend, be it male or female.