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Original poster

Really nice guy or odd?

163 replies

Timmytime2025 · 20/02/2015 23:18

So I met this guy though some friends. I'm not looking for a relationship at all and have a young baby. He is interested in a relationship i tell him we can be friends and that's it I'm not interested in dating. Anyway we text backwards and forward most days and have been out for a walk with our dogs a couple of times nothing romantic at all. I've enjoyed having a male bit of company.

It's clear he likes me and is forever offering to do all sorts for me but I say no. I have not led him on ever.
He's in his 30s but appears to have had no relationships (which I find odd) and is obviously very keen to be in one. He mentioned that he had tried to make something work with someone who was very dull and that he has been on lots of dates where women don't stay in touch after. Which I found odd. He also tries far too hard to be helpful to the point where i find it suffocating. He's tonight offered to drive me to and from a friends party a three hour round trip away when I said that I wasn't going because it was too much driving with LO.

I'm not used to a man being sensitive and thoughtful as this guy is. He's lovely and very easy to talk too and get on with.

The bottom line is I really enjoy his company as a friend but I can't quite work him out. He replies to my messages in seconds and if he's going to be busy for a bit he will tell me first. A couple of times he's mentioned about LO having a father figure which immediately puts my back up. He offers to do jobs on my car and all sorts of things. He also once or twice has mentioned about doing things together in the distant future. He's forever asking after me and LO and remembers anything I ever tell him.

Is this my issue because I'm used to being on my own and this is a nice guy trying to be a friend and help or is it very over the top? I don't want to be mean to him if I'm just being over sensitive but in the same way I don't want to be leading him on or not saying back off if I should?

OP posts:
MadeMan · 21/02/2015 19:30

"Maybe that's the excitement the challenge .. Eww!"

You'd think he'd have something better to do than chase uninterested women though if this is the case. I'd have just given up and put the kettle on or something.

HeartbrokenWifeOfMillionaire · 21/02/2015 19:42

ah, That's because you're emotionally healthy MadeMan Smile

It's like they get off on rejection and feeling embittered?

They make out that women are some cold judgemental bitches who reject "nice guys" like them

but if you look at it they often DO have women who know them and are interested in them - and the thing to do would be to pursue connections with them.

But they choose to latch onto those who aren't interested so they can objectify them and then fly into a rage when the "object" doesn't fit into their life plans.

It's why some posters have used the "controlling" description here: in a genuine, authentic, friendship or interaction you see the other person and their feelings for what they are

Whereas in a controlling interaction the other human being is seen a "thing" that is just an extension of the fantasies of the controlling party, to meet its emotional needs and wants.

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 20:16

We have a response.

Ive got it all wrong and he was hesitant to offer for that reason last night hence him saying it might seem 'weird' several times in his email.

My message said I felt bad about not going to the party because it's my best friends husbands do but it starts at 7.30 and LO is 5 months. It's a no brainer it's a big boozy party. He says he could come and sit with her in the back seat incase she got upset on the journey- she doesn't know him!
He says he realised ages ago that we were only friends but we were supposed to be going walking tomorrow and he doesn't mention that..
So do I ignore now and let it go or is he nice and I got it wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 20:18

He also says he does lifts like that for any friend but I don't see where the lift part ever came in?

OP posts:
HeartbrokenWifeOfMillionaire · 21/02/2015 20:29

He still sounds very "off" - claiming you've got it all "wrong"? And again a bit weird with the LO.

It's over-intimate and your spidey senses are right to be triggered (and what is he planning to do with himself at the party if he tags along for the journey? Presumably you'll have to invite him in then you'll be looking like a family unit - and then he'll be "in" on your social group....)

Maybe he's wilfully misinterpreting what you say, maybe he really is that naive and non-self aware, but do you really need the hassle of micro-managing your interaction so he knows to behave appropriately?

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 20:31

The whole tone of his message is very cold and off he says he knew that I wanted to be friends 'because he's been on this rodeo before' woe is me I guess..

OP posts:
handfulofcottonbuds · 21/02/2015 20:38

we were supposed to be going walking tomorrow and he doesn't mention that..
So do I ignore now and let it go or is he nice and I got it wrong?

Just leave it. If he gives you the creeps and you don't want him as a friend then why question whether to message him again.

IMO, you can't tell the tone of an email either, you had made your mind up he was weird so you expected the response to be nothing but cold. That's why I prefer to discuss things face to face.

RadioActiveTeddy · 21/02/2015 20:38

You are feeling uncomfortable about him so start to distance yourself significantly from him.

GatoradeMeBitch · 21/02/2015 20:38

Why would friendship be a rodeo? It wouldn't! If you were friends he would be apologizing for making you feel uncomfortable. He's probably off somewhere whinging about getting friendzoned as we speak.

CatsClaus · 21/02/2015 20:41

how long have you known him and been texting back and forth?

what did/do the friends who introduced you two think of him?

I know you have done the big email and such, but I'd have been inclined to (and probably still would) slot him firmly into "dog walking chum" slot and leave it at that.

Who knows...after a few more months he might not seem so intense, might be a real good friend, might still be dog walking chum of the year, might be pursuing some other woman with his weird yet helpful intentions

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 20:42

I agree leave it.

Just a bit sad and confused about the whole thing but each time I give him the benefit of the doubt he does something else that creeps me out.

There's something that just isn't right and I don't know what it is. Suppose there's no way of finding out. Just glad it hasn't got nasty.

OP posts:
pictish · 21/02/2015 20:44

A rodeo? Where a cowboy clings on to a bucking horse for as long as possible...right?

Hmm. Just trust your instinct, that's all you need to do.

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 20:47

Mutual friend says he's geeky but he's more a friend of her friend which is why I've been more cynical.

We hit it off over the dogs and I was going on a long walk and he wanted to go too the other person didn't come so it was us. It wasn't at all awkward just got chatting from there.

Been in touch about a month and walked the dogs twice that's why I find it all a bit OTT.

I think he reckons il come round and I'm sure all this would start again. This is the second big email he went all cold like this one then it started up again a bit so it seems whatever i do he still disbelieves that I'm not interested.

OP posts:
passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 20:48

Leave it. I think you're giving him hope by messaging him and agreeing to go for walks. I don't think you can be friends with this guy, and if you feel uncomfortable it says it all really. So please stop messaging him

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 20:53

I have I won't reply I just like to make sense of things and I can't so time to leave it.

OP posts:
BOFster · 21/02/2015 20:54

Yes, don't go dog walking. I have lots of dog walking chums, and none of them have wanted to be a father figure to my children. Or even my dog.

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 20:56

Lol BOFster even your dog!

OP posts:
BOFster · 21/02/2015 20:58

Although you couldn't blame them, tbh...

Really nice guy or odd?
Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 21:01

Soooooo cute! I'm sticking with the dogs from now on don't know how I get into these messes!

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passthewineplz · 21/02/2015 21:08

Aw! Can I be your dog's friend Bof? V cute! Smile

PlumpingUpPartridge · 21/02/2015 21:10

He's 'been on this rodeo before'? That triggers my spidey senses and no mistake.

I'm getting a sense of a man who generally comes across as nice and kind, but who is now letting his annoyance at not being selected as a partner (again?) shine through in quite a peevish way. I'd continue to hold my distance from him if I were you - you haven't done anything wrong and you don't owe him anything.

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 21:15

I'm going to just not be in touch with him again so we will see if I hear anything else!

OP posts:
Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 21:16

AGAIN is very much the thrust of the email..

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 21/02/2015 21:20

I think you have had a lucky escape , it all seems a bit strange and uncomfortable

Original poster
Timmytime2025 · 21/02/2015 21:23

Me too I feel relieved how awful is that? Let's hope he takes the hint now.

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