Really nice guy or odd?

[Timmytime2025]

So I met this guy though some friends. I'm not looking for a relationship at all and have a young baby. He is interested in a relationship i tell him we can be friends and that's it I'm not interested in dating. Anyway we text backwards and forward most days and have been out for a walk with our dogs a couple of times nothing romantic at all. I've enjoyed having a male bit of company.

It's clear he likes me and is forever offering to do all sorts for me but I say no. I have not led him on ever.
He's in his 30s but appears to have had no relationships (which I find odd) and is obviously very keen to be in one. He mentioned that he had tried to make something work with someone who was very dull and that he has been on lots of dates where women don't stay in touch after. Which I found odd. He also tries far too hard to be helpful to the point where i find it suffocating. He's tonight offered to drive me to and from a friends party a three hour round trip away when I said that I wasn't going because it was too much driving with LO.

I'm not used to a man being sensitive and thoughtful as this guy is. He's lovely and very easy to talk too and get on with.

The bottom line is I really enjoy his company as a friend but I can't quite work him out. He replies to my messages in seconds and if he's going to be busy for a bit he will tell me first. A couple of times he's mentioned about LO having a father figure which immediately puts my back up. He offers to do jobs on my car and all sorts of things. He also once or twice has mentioned about doing things together in the distant future. He's forever asking after me and LO and remembers anything I ever tell him.

Is this my issue because I'm used to being on my own and this is a nice guy trying to be a friend and help or is it very over the top? I don't want to be mean to him if I'm just being over sensitive but in the same way I don't want to be leading him on or not saying back off if I should?

And yes...she didn't say "we can't be friends any more" she simply said "it's not going to become anything else" and what do you know? Radio silence.
But he's just a nice, awkward guy offering all these favours, his free time and text badgering a woman constantly who he's only known for a month, because he's not after anything else at all.
As if.

Horny suffocating soul made me laugh!

I thought he might be a pain but phew it's so lovely to not be getting pestered!

I know half a dozen guys who are late 30s, early 40s and have little or no experience with women.
One guy is about 43 and has never had a relationship as far as I know.
They all appear to be nice guys, pretty fed up about it, but they have no skills with "wooing" women.
They always come across too strong, too desperate, over willing to help and creepy and wierd, often with strange over the top romantic gestures.
I'm pretty sure they aren't after getting into women's pants (at least not solely) they just want a nice relationship. They certainly aren't the type who would expect sex as some kind of return on investment
This guy obviously fancied you, got on with you and tried to "win" you in a way which made you uncomfortable.
Of course, he could be the ball of sexual rage type as well .

What mrnosey said

He wanted , and you knocked back
Which is completely fine

But he is not a maniac!
Poor fella !

It's such a shame that they behave like this if that's all it is because he's a lovely guy but he just proper creeped me out I was convinced I wouldn't be able to get rid of him.

OP as someone who spent her youth and most of her 20s as an advocacy service for lonely souls and desperates, I can tell you from experience, you would have struggled with him.
I have toiled to extricate myself from a few friendships that with hindsight, I should not have encouraged.

I was the softest, most approachable, tolerant and open minded thing as a younger woman. Some of them got way too intense with me too. I've done dreading the phone ringing or the door being knocked, and wondered what the Hell I've got myself into (again) to death! How do you think I got to be so decisive on this issue?

A soon as you start to get the prickles about someone, for whatever reason, it's actually ok to heed them and bail out.

no-ones talking "odd" as in "doesn't follow football or is a bit of a geek or doesn't know how to pick or act in a trendy restaurant".

A lot of women would love, and do have, gentle, alternative, male geeky friends.

We're talking odd as in the "let me look after your five month old daughter" incident.

By the age of 30's and he doesn't know it's inappropriate?

Or deliberately, passive aggressively, naive in order to goad the OP into either letting him get his way or having to feel awkward about explaining to him why its inappropriate?

Just because someone is not that mainstream doesn't mean they are "nice" and have your best motives at heart: some of the more manipulative and unpleasant male "friends" I've had have happened when they were socially struggling and I felt sorry for them: after a while, one realised WHY they socially struggled.

I actually agree "sex" per se might not be the end goal of some of these types. Some of them strike me as pretty asexual.

But wanting to dominate an attractive woman's schedule and overwhelm them with communication and invade their boundaries with other friends and try and turn themselves into a pseudo-boyfriend is just as bad: it's like "if you won't go out with me, I'll try and insert myself into your life so you won't have space to meet others".

The "remembering everything about her friends" strikes me as a prelude to shit-stirring and manipulation.

I actually feel sorry for him. I started reading the thread and immediately thought AS.

He's in his 30's, has never had a relationship and is quite open about this fact. Added to that he has an almost photographic memory for detail, and he offers help over and above what we would normally expect from someone.

But from what op has said he hasn't actually pursued her sexually after she knocked him back, it is op who has assumed he hasn't taken no for an answer, even though she has continued to text him constantly all day every day.

I agree there are some over charming people out there who turn out to be abusive arses. but the reality is that most of those have had some kind of relationship, because as well as being charming they are also clever and manipulative, and they know how to charm the woman in their life to the point of her wanting to be with them. This one hasn't, which IMO points to lack of social skills rather than intended creepyness.

That's not to say that the op should feel obliged to be friends with him. If he makes her uncomfortable then she is well within her rights to back off. but to brand the guy as a creepy abuser in the making when we have no evidence of this fact, including the fact that he backed off instantly the op said they should cool things, is a bit much.

If he has lack of social skills and he gets knocked back regularly, then perhaps not responding is his defence mechanism.

Timmy.... has it all been quiet?

Yes! I think he must have just had no social skills at all because I've not heard a thing.

I feel bad that I thought he was going to stalk me but the more I think about it the more odd things he said so I'm just glad it's all over.

Good for you - trusted you instincts - and acted on them diplomatically - phew!

It is a puzzle though I was convinced he was really going to give me a hard time. Not that I am complaining at all.