Really nice guy or odd?

[Timmytime2025]

So I met this guy though some friends. I'm not looking for a relationship at all and have a young baby. He is interested in a relationship i tell him we can be friends and that's it I'm not interested in dating. Anyway we text backwards and forward most days and have been out for a walk with our dogs a couple of times nothing romantic at all. I've enjoyed having a male bit of company.

It's clear he likes me and is forever offering to do all sorts for me but I say no. I have not led him on ever.
He's in his 30s but appears to have had no relationships (which I find odd) and is obviously very keen to be in one. He mentioned that he had tried to make something work with someone who was very dull and that he has been on lots of dates where women don't stay in touch after. Which I found odd. He also tries far too hard to be helpful to the point where i find it suffocating. He's tonight offered to drive me to and from a friends party a three hour round trip away when I said that I wasn't going because it was too much driving with LO.

I'm not used to a man being sensitive and thoughtful as this guy is. He's lovely and very easy to talk too and get on with.

The bottom line is I really enjoy his company as a friend but I can't quite work him out. He replies to my messages in seconds and if he's going to be busy for a bit he will tell me first. A couple of times he's mentioned about LO having a father figure which immediately puts my back up. He offers to do jobs on my car and all sorts of things. He also once or twice has mentioned about doing things together in the distant future. He's forever asking after me and LO and remembers anything I ever tell him.

Is this my issue because I'm used to being on my own and this is a nice guy trying to be a friend and help or is it very over the top? I don't want to be mean to him if I'm just being over sensitive but in the same way I don't want to be leading him on or not saying back off if I should?

I rarely text anyone unless I have to, so I don't understand why you would be texting to and fro with him.

What do you text about. The weather?

I understand sending a text to arrange a dog walk, but if you don't want a relationship with him stop the chit chat texting.

You think that you've been clear with him about not wanting a relationship, but all he sees is a woman who texts him every day, goes out with him (for dog walks) and tells him about her life. He thinks he's wooing you. He probably has some romantic nonsense in his head about teaching you to trust in love again - the idea that a single mother isn't DESPERATE for a man simply doesn't register with him. Of course you want a boyfriend! And very soon you'll wake up and realise it should be him. Op, you need to tell him very clearly "I think we should cool our friendship because we want different things from it and I don't want you to get hurt. " Then STOP replying to his texts and don't arrange any more walks.

It's just chat really . It's gone from the odd message to quite a lot over time. We are supposed to be going tomorrow for a walk but after the party thing last night I think it's time cancel it just hope he doesn't get nasty about it all.

Think you have hit the nail on the head with that one tigermoll it's a shame because we do get on but it's gone too far now.

I suggest that his OTT behaviour is why he hasn't had a r'ship and it's possible that he's a sweetie who now wants a r'ship more than anything which is why it's got out of hand.

If he wasn't so full on, would you be considering it?

If so, tell him that he's being way over the top and spell it out for him. Don't hint. Don't mince your words. See what happens.

If you're not considering a r'ship with him regardless of his actions then you have to do what everyone else has said and stop leading him on. It might be innocent from your end, but he clearly isn't seeing it as such.

Good luck!

I think he is getting a really hard time on here. He might just have poor social skills and not necessarily what to get 'into her pants'!

From what you say Timmy, it does read that he is getting mixed messages from all the texts, whether you leave it a few hours or not to reply. You are messaging him every day and making plans of some sort. It also sounds like you're chit chatting about your life to an extent, knowing that he remembers all the details and it freaks you out slightly.

Personally, I go days - weeks sometimes without messaging my close friends, I don't feel the need to message them constantly.

If you want him as a friend (and I suspect you actually like the contact from him and would miss it if he stopped texting you), then you need to tell him you feel a little suffocated by it and set the boundaries.

If you don't want his friendship then let him go, be fair and don't just not contact him, be a friend and explain.

Yes...tigermoll has it in a nutshell.

handful do you think he spends his life driving people around to parties he's not invited to, going on dog walking excursions, helping everyone he knows out with odd jobs and offers of his free time, texting and remembering the tiny details from everyone's lives?
No - of course he doesn't. He's not a friendly guy, he's a horny guy. He does those things for and with OP because he anticipates his hard work will pay off and he'll get sex as a reward.
It is naive to think otherwise.

Hmm, he sounds quite like a friend of mine who has AS. She's an absolutely lovely woman but very intense and if he's in a relationship (or starting on) is really full-on, planning out the future before the first date is over.
Unfortunately she's not been successful with men because of this.
As a friend, I'm able to tell her when she's being over the top (when we were first friends she used to phone/text every day), and we've now settled into a comfortable friendship where I know I can be honest with her.
She just doesn't see the boundaries that others do, and has no 'filters' on what is necessarily deemed appropriate. That is not to say that she oversteps the mark but she would do the same thing with the party. She would offer again and again to do things, not realising that this enthusiasm could be seen as creepy.
She's highly intelligent, and will often use terminology that I'm not familiar with, in a way which suggests that I should know exactly what she's talking about.

With regard to this friend, I think you need to speak to him honestly. Lay the ground 'rules' clearly.

I would avoid him to I'm afraid. He might be perfectly nice but having been in a similar situation before, I wouldn't risk it again.

I had left an abusive relationship and had a young baby. I met someone on a night out through friends who seemed like a nice guy. I was very clear that I didn't want a relationship with him or anyone else. He kept offering to help me with stuff, to drive me places, I had a court appearance and he turned up unexpectedly as 'moral support', he insisted on driving me and DC 3 hours away to our holiday destination, and then said he was to tired to drive home so stayed the night. Turned up again to drive us home. All under the guise of being 'a good friend and wanting to help'

Then I heard him say to my baby 'I'm going to be your new daddy' he also opened my post and picked up my phone when I got a text message and replied to it!

I couldn't take anymore and totally cut contact. He was furious. I got message after message about how much he had done for me, how ungrateful I was, how he deserved more. Nightmare.

pictish - he's getting mixed messages IMO.

I know people who have difficulty with knowing social boundaries. It's not all about expecting sex.

Oh Granger that must have been upsetting and infuriating, and maybe even a bit frightening for you. Dearie me!

handful I understand what you're saying, really I do, but if OP is the only recipient of all these offers of help, then it's about the sex/potential relationship he anticipates he will win, and nothing to do with social difficulties.

My friend went through something very similar with a friend of hers after she split from her dp. Although she had always made it clear to him that she she only saw him as a friend and nothing more, he suddenly became the most attentive friend in the whole world, with offers of help above and beyond the norm (which she always turned down), bulldozing his way into her life, interfering in things that were none of his business, and telling her kids off like some sort of father figure. At first she tried to be polite and diplomatic, as she didn't want to hurt his feelings, but of course she soon grew tired of his intense focus on her, and told him she wanted to cool the friendship because she couldn't offer him what he so obviously wanted from it.

Well...he was furious. As far as he was concerned he had earned her love and attraction and was therefore entitled to it. He called her a prick tease, a user, a liar and a 'puppet master'. He badmouthed her to mutual friends, presenting himself as the hapless victim made a fool of by the conniving femme fatale who had had strung him along for her own gain and entertainment. No one took his bullshit on board of course, but the malicious intent to discredit her was there nevertheless.

Anyway, to begin with, he appeared kind, intelligent, sensitive, articulate and good company. He was one of those men who liked to say "you'll never meet a nicer guy than me" and "I'm more laid back than anyone you know".
As it turned out, he was very far from being a 'nice guy' - he was actually a seething ball of sexual rage whose sense of entitlement surrounding my friend ended up creeping the shit out of her.

I really do not think this is an ASD issue or similar (although I could be wrong) I think it's a string of red bunting that needs heeded.

Either way OP, proceed with extreme caution.

I don't really understand why you're texting him though. If you feel he's too full on then what's to text about? You don't sound like you even fancy him. I'm confused about why you have any contact with him.

When he is going to be busy he te ts you to let you know?
You know what this means? That he expects you to do the same.
He sets the tone there.
At least this was the case with my ex.

Because she thought she had a pal, and it is now dawning on her that all is not as she thought.
It is difficult for reasonable, emotionally healthy people like the OP to hurt someone else by way of rejection, so she would feel compelled to engage in the text chat because of social convention, good manners and the fact that a bit of chit chat is entertaining!

While I agree the texting has to stop, I think it's quite easy to see how she has ended up here.

Sorry that was to SwedishEdith there.

I'm not saying he doesn't want to get in your knickers as he obviously does, but some people are genuinely helpful. I've given people lifts across the country a few times, certainly not expecting sex.
There's no need to totally cut contact just minimise it so he doesn't get the wrong idea. Is there a possibility he's just lonely?

I'm not sure he's creepy. I think he believes that, if he tries hard and makes the right noises, you will eventually relent and decide to be his girlfriend. 'Faint heart never won fair lady' and all that, only you're not looking to be won. Sadly, you can't be friends with someone who is living in hope because it's unfair on them and it'll end up being annoying for you.

Time to call it a day

Being nice is one thing, but I think there has to be an occasional element of Rhett Butler. Perhaps he should have said he doesn't give a damn about your three hour party trip.

I've been in this situation myself in the past - fortunately before mobiles. But pestered by pointless phonecalls to chat. I fully understand being forced to be unpleasant to get him to stop. But a simple start would be to stop texting to chat.

I'd say stop leading him on - by allowing him to carry on like this you are denying a nice guy finding happiness.

A lot of people complain that their OH ISN'T like this. It seems this is what people find attractive in a partner but many find it 'creepy' early on. A man doesn't start off an arse and become this perfect guy - seems you may have met a genuine one there but if you don't fancy him, let him be the perfect guy for someone who will appreciate it.

I've sent an email just saying value the friendship but sorry if I've given the wrong impression and would to want to stop him finding someone perfect for him so I've taken the blame although I believe i have been clear.

I am sad because I genuinely thought we could be friends and enjoy his company but sadly it's freaked me out.

His response I suppose will tell me exactly what I need to know.

I've had someone pretty much stalk me before thinking there was much more to something that there ever was so maybe I'm hyper sensitive too it and it's innocent the problem is the seed is sown now in my head.

If it's genuine not controlling he would make a lovely partner for someone but I'm not even looking at men I have a baby to focus on for now.

Interesting that others are torn too it's a tough one.

I think I agree with Cogito overall. He's allowed to fancy you and hope for more, but you don't fancy him and aren't going to give him more, so you've done the best thing you could, and drawn your line in the sand. You can't say fairer than that.

I still maintain though, that he was hoping to wear you down through persistence, despite already being told no, which was never going to work out well.

What I've sent couldn't have been nicer and I've totally taken the blame should there be any so we will see!

If he's genuine he will be fine with it and if not well I know don't i!