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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP suddenly behaving like an utter arse. (long)

274 replies

verticalstripes · 19/02/2015 16:09

I have name changed as he knows the username I normally use.

Me and DP have lived together for a year, and it has been great up until this point. I actually thought things were going really well. We have no DC.

Recently he has started to refuse to do things, for example a festival that I really wanted to attend, he bluntly told me "You can go if you can get there, but I'm not coming with you and don't expect a lift." I can't drive and I'm not sure we could afford to run 2 cars anyway. We live in a rural location with no buses, it is 26 miles to the nearest train station. I have a hobby I like to go to and he has now also started to refuse to help in any way, he won't bring heavy equipment in the car etc for me. I decided to apply for my provisional licence and have saved up some money towards driving lessons (£500). When I first told him he laughed at me for about 20 minutes straight, when I asked what was funny he just smugly said "no, no nothing." and continued to laugh Sad. He has since been trying to convince me I should spend the money on dental treatment he wants, he won't go to an nhs dentist so it costs a lot more. I don't think he really wants me to learn to drive myself.

Valentines day we didn't do anything, I thought he might take me out for dinner or something but nothing happened. I didn't get a card etc. Although uneventful it wasn't a bad day, just a normal saturday. We hadn't argued or anything, then when we got in to bed I asked for my pillow back, we had 2 each but he took one of his another room to use on a chair for his back and had left it there so take mine. He then said "you are such a whinging cunt" and threw it on the floor. I don't know where that came from. I told him I didn't want to be spoken to like that. He just said "Whatever" and "I can't be arsed".

The next day was horrible. I mean, it was unbearable. Any attempt I made at speaking to him I got one word answers very aggressively. I only mentioned mundane things like what shall I make for dinner etc. Sometimes not even a word just a grunt or "hmm" sound. I then tried to show him something related to my hobby and he said "I don't give a fuck". He literally didn't talk all day and we sat in total silence until I left to go meet a friend at the pub because I couldn't take being in the house any more. While I was out I got a text basically accusing me of being the one being funny. I replied and just said that I needed to get out for a bit and that I wasn't in a mood. He often makes comments about me cheating on him or having somebody at the pub (which I don't) and I told him I find this really offensive. He just carried on. It is the only place I can go to socialise as it is the only thing within walking distance (about 3 miles).

I don't know why this has happened. He still isn't being normal with me now and I honestly haven't done anything wrong. What should I do? I've been in only one relationship before and after leaving that one I promised myself I wouldn't end up feeling low all the time and like I'm going to get in trouble all the time. I'm not even sure why this has happened.

OP posts:
helpmekeepstrong · 22/02/2015 10:57

Thinking about you, Vertical. How did you get on last night? Did you manage to see your friend?

Footle · 22/02/2015 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HexBramble · 22/02/2015 12:36

Footie, I really hope not.
OP does he know that you use this site? Any chance you've left your laptop open for him to see?
Get this moved. Contact MNHQ.

Footle · 22/02/2015 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GatoradeMeBitch · 22/02/2015 13:18

I'm hoping this silence is good news.

mix56 · 22/02/2015 15:59

Well if he has read the thread it will be clear that it's her thread whatever name she uses.
he will know that she is hoping to leave, I just hope she's OK

HexBramble · 22/02/2015 17:19

I live in one of the South Wales valley's, and I know there's a cluster of really rural villages in the higher valley. I'm really hoping I'm near.

helpmekeepstrong · 22/02/2015 17:38

We don't know. He may have gone on a sweet charm offensive and taken her out for a nice day. They're clever like that. Let's hope it's that and that Vertical comes back so that we can continue to support her.
We're still here Vertical x

PopTarts · 22/02/2015 17:58

Yes but what if he's broken her laptop?

helpmekeepstrong · 22/02/2015 18:04

PopTarts We can't know. Only hope and still be here. I had hoped that she would direct her friend to the thread....

PopTarts · 22/02/2015 18:37
Sad
FairPhyllis · 22/02/2015 18:42

If Vertical made it to a refuge she wouldn't necessarily have internet access or make updating us her first priority. I do hope she is in one.

cardiandcrocs · 22/02/2015 18:59

This is so worrying Sad

mildlyacquiescent · 22/02/2015 19:24

Please be all right, OP.

M00nUnit · 22/02/2015 19:45

Really hope you're ok vertical. Thinking of you.

Lolly86 · 22/02/2015 20:08

Thinking of you vertical hope you are already out and safe x

helpmekeepstrong · 22/02/2015 20:36

Looking on the positive side, it's true that if Vertical did decide to leave yesterday, then one of her last priorities would have been a Mumsnet update. With luck, she'll have been far too busy taking care of the rest of her life. Hope so.

Lovebug85 · 22/02/2015 20:46

I've been lurking on here for a couple of months but this thread has made me decide to sign up as have been keeping an eye on it since it started! I have been thinking of you op, please let us know if you are safe.

bereal7 · 22/02/2015 21:48

Tbh I havent read the thread and I don't have much experience in relationships (quite young Grin but even I can tell this relationship is over. Firstly, him not wanting you to drive is a way to keep control over you so you always need him - and laughing at you was very mean. Also, he may no longer want to be with you. Sorry Flowers

WhatWouldMaLarkinDo · 22/02/2015 21:51

Read this thread yesterday and today and I've been thinking about the OP all day. Hope you're ok vertical, update us if you can.

Footle · 22/02/2015 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 22/02/2015 22:24

Vertical, we all hope you are ok. If things went wrong on Saturday and you couldn't manage to tell your friend or break away, please know there will be no blame from us. If you need longer to gather your strength then that's fine. Things moved very fast since you started the thread and while I agree with posters that its urgent you get out, we will all understand if that's difficult. No judgement, no blame, just support.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 22/02/2015 22:33

What Lonny said. Don't worry about "disappointing" us, if you didn't leave. It's hard, we know that. You don't owe us anything.

I'm really glad you told a real life friend because otherwise no-one real would know if you went off the radar. In which case I really hope she has the sense to put 2 and 2 together and contact the police or your social worker.

I hope you're ok. Sad

tipsytrifle · 22/02/2015 22:37

I think he has found the thread. I think he sounds psychopathic. But perhaps Vertical is safe with her friend or at a refuge.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 22/02/2015 22:58

Well look, if he HAS found the thread then he'll surely know that Mumsnet has access to every posters IP address and that if they chose to, they could give this to the police to track the op down, if she never posts again (even under her other nickname, which would have the same IP address)

All he needs to do is be kind to her, he was kind once. She said it wasn't always this way. I'm sure she just wants a peaceful life. I'm sure she wouldn't involve the police unless he was making her situation desperate.

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