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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP suddenly behaving like an utter arse. (long)

274 replies

verticalstripes · 19/02/2015 16:09

I have name changed as he knows the username I normally use.

Me and DP have lived together for a year, and it has been great up until this point. I actually thought things were going really well. We have no DC.

Recently he has started to refuse to do things, for example a festival that I really wanted to attend, he bluntly told me "You can go if you can get there, but I'm not coming with you and don't expect a lift." I can't drive and I'm not sure we could afford to run 2 cars anyway. We live in a rural location with no buses, it is 26 miles to the nearest train station. I have a hobby I like to go to and he has now also started to refuse to help in any way, he won't bring heavy equipment in the car etc for me. I decided to apply for my provisional licence and have saved up some money towards driving lessons (£500). When I first told him he laughed at me for about 20 minutes straight, when I asked what was funny he just smugly said "no, no nothing." and continued to laugh Sad. He has since been trying to convince me I should spend the money on dental treatment he wants, he won't go to an nhs dentist so it costs a lot more. I don't think he really wants me to learn to drive myself.

Valentines day we didn't do anything, I thought he might take me out for dinner or something but nothing happened. I didn't get a card etc. Although uneventful it wasn't a bad day, just a normal saturday. We hadn't argued or anything, then when we got in to bed I asked for my pillow back, we had 2 each but he took one of his another room to use on a chair for his back and had left it there so take mine. He then said "you are such a whinging cunt" and threw it on the floor. I don't know where that came from. I told him I didn't want to be spoken to like that. He just said "Whatever" and "I can't be arsed".

The next day was horrible. I mean, it was unbearable. Any attempt I made at speaking to him I got one word answers very aggressively. I only mentioned mundane things like what shall I make for dinner etc. Sometimes not even a word just a grunt or "hmm" sound. I then tried to show him something related to my hobby and he said "I don't give a fuck". He literally didn't talk all day and we sat in total silence until I left to go meet a friend at the pub because I couldn't take being in the house any more. While I was out I got a text basically accusing me of being the one being funny. I replied and just said that I needed to get out for a bit and that I wasn't in a mood. He often makes comments about me cheating on him or having somebody at the pub (which I don't) and I told him I find this really offensive. He just carried on. It is the only place I can go to socialise as it is the only thing within walking distance (about 3 miles).

I don't know why this has happened. He still isn't being normal with me now and I honestly haven't done anything wrong. What should I do? I've been in only one relationship before and after leaving that one I promised myself I wouldn't end up feeling low all the time and like I'm going to get in trouble all the time. I'm not even sure why this has happened.

OP posts:
MillyMollyMandy78 · 22/02/2015 23:24

Have been thinking of this thread most of the weekend, especially today. I really hope this ends well!

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 23/02/2015 10:03

Good morning Vertical, hope everything's ok and we hear from you soon x

tinklykeys · 23/02/2015 11:03

Read all of this thread yesterday and its very concerning. My hope is that vertical' s friend refused to take her back home on Sat and has been helping her get away, in which case it might be difficult (and low priority) for her to get back here to update us.

Thinking of you op Flowers

tinklykeys · 23/02/2015 11:06

If he let her out in the first place that is... he sounds like someone out of a horror film Sad

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/02/2015 14:28

Would it be worth flagging up this thread to MNHQ? Just in case?

SunnyBaudelaire · 23/02/2015 14:29

yes it would. We were PMing and I have not heard from her.

mix56 · 23/02/2015 15:10

If he has finally removed land line or box, she won't have internet. Maybe thats why he was laughing, he planned to cancel.

GatoradeMeBitch · 23/02/2015 15:12

I've reported the thread. It probably wouldn't be the worst thing for local police to check on her, if that's what MN can organize.

Hanith · 23/02/2015 15:31

Another hoping for a positive outcome.. Love and strength to you vertical x

Footle · 23/02/2015 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BuffytheThunderLizard · 23/02/2015 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unidentifieditem · 23/02/2015 18:13

This is one of the most distressing threads I've read on here. Sad Thinking of you OP

helpmekeepstrong · 23/02/2015 18:59

At best, he may have gone on a charm offensive and she doesn't want to rock the boat. All may be an uneasy calm for the moment.
He may have disconnected the landline and using a laptop, she'll have no access to the internet .
She is isolated but within walking distance of a pub and acquaintances (albeit a long walk)
She has a mobile - with a fragile signal.
Her Social Worker was due to make contact today.
SunnyBaudelaire did you get an address or the village?

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 23/02/2015 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpmekeepstrong · 23/02/2015 19:04

Sorry missed this one out - she may have not gone back home on Saturday night. If that is the case, her life will be very much occupied with settling into a new place, maybe a refuge, and as she only talked of a mobile phone and laptop, she may not have access to the internet so updating will not be a priority. Hoping for that.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 24/02/2015 00:20

Fingers crossed, helpkeepmestrong. I'm trying to think positive.

KiwiJude · 24/02/2015 03:28

Oh this is horrid waiting for vertical to post, or message someone.

SugarFreeforSpring · 24/02/2015 03:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reddragon116 · 24/02/2015 09:21

Mid wales here vertical - if there is anything we can do please say !

Arkkorox · 24/02/2015 11:29

Really really hope you're ok OP

Coyoacan · 24/02/2015 14:32

Hope you are OK, vertical.

Shakey1500 · 24/02/2015 16:20

North Wales here if that's any use Thanks

yearofthegoat · 24/02/2015 16:40

I have just read the entire thread. I really hope vertical has confided in her friend and moved out and hence can't update.

APocketfulOfSpondulix · 24/02/2015 16:51

Goodness. Just read the whole thread. I really hope you're all right, Vertical. x

helpmekeepstrong · 24/02/2015 17:56

We're still here veritcal x