DP suddenly behaving like an utter arse. (long)

[verticalstripes]

I have name changed as he knows the username I normally use.

Me and DP have lived together for a year, and it has been great up until this point. I actually thought things were going really well. We have no DC.

Recently he has started to refuse to do things, for example a festival that I really wanted to attend, he bluntly told me "You can go if you can get there, but I'm not coming with you and don't expect a lift." I can't drive and I'm not sure we could afford to run 2 cars anyway. We live in a rural location with no buses, it is 26 miles to the nearest train station. I have a hobby I like to go to and he has now also started to refuse to help in any way, he won't bring heavy equipment in the car etc for me. I decided to apply for my provisional licence and have saved up some money towards driving lessons (£500). When I first told him he laughed at me for about 20 minutes straight, when I asked what was funny he just smugly said "no, no nothing." and continued to laugh . He has since been trying to convince me I should spend the money on dental treatment he wants, he won't go to an nhs dentist so it costs a lot more. I don't think he really wants me to learn to drive myself.

Valentines day we didn't do anything, I thought he might take me out for dinner or something but nothing happened. I didn't get a card etc. Although uneventful it wasn't a bad day, just a normal saturday. We hadn't argued or anything, then when we got in to bed I asked for my pillow back, we had 2 each but he took one of his another room to use on a chair for his back and had left it there so take mine. He then said "you are such a whinging cunt" and threw it on the floor. I don't know where that came from. I told him I didn't want to be spoken to like that. He just said "Whatever" and "I can't be arsed".

The next day was horrible. I mean, it was unbearable. Any attempt I made at speaking to him I got one word answers very aggressively. I only mentioned mundane things like what shall I make for dinner etc. Sometimes not even a word just a grunt or "hmm" sound. I then tried to show him something related to my hobby and he said "I don't give a fuck". He literally didn't talk all day and we sat in total silence until I left to go meet a friend at the pub because I couldn't take being in the house any more. While I was out I got a text basically accusing me of being the one being funny. I replied and just said that I needed to get out for a bit and that I wasn't in a mood. He often makes comments about me cheating on him or having somebody at the pub (which I don't) and I told him I find this really offensive. He just carried on. It is the only place I can go to socialise as it is the only thing within walking distance (about 3 miles).

I don't know why this has happened. He still isn't being normal with me now and I honestly haven't done anything wrong. What should I do? I've been in only one relationship before and after leaving that one I promised myself I wouldn't end up feeling low all the time and like I'm going to get in trouble all the time. I'm not even sure why this has happened.

Just checking in again - agree this is the most distressing thread i have seen on here... Really hope OP is just busy getting things together in her new life and that is why she hasn't been back

I think vertical would have got herself online straight away to tell everyone she was ok if she had managed to get away.

Maybe she has decided to stick it out with him and doesn't want to/doesn't feel she can leave? That's a slightly better scenario than him having come across the thread.

OP, please either confirm that you have decided to stay, or if able ,have left.
If this thread is no longer of interest you can ask HQ to remove it.

Look, I hate to sound a discordant note here but, whilst the thoughts and good wishes of everyone on this thread is entirely appropriate and admirable, this is the internet.

None of us know anything about the op, from the possibility that she changed details to disguise her identy, or she had painted a far bleaker picture than her day to day life because she was feeling low, through to her actually being an 18 year old creative writing student trying out the plot of a novel or a truck driver called Errol.

I hope she comes back and updates. And I certainly wish her well, whatever her circumstances. MN have said there is nothing more to be done and that may be frustrating . But I hope people aren't becoming distressed when we don't actually know what the reality is.

Or if she actually wants to come back and update......

Read the whole thread, this is so worrying. Op I am a cat lover too but you must put yourself first in this situation. Dear god I hope you're alright.

Pagwatch put it well.

Agreed pagwatch that there are a few scenarios possible, one is that this is a Troll, or another OP could be at home nursing her broken bones.
However she was also PMing some people locally & has gone silent.

I really do understand that. I'm just trying to caution against becoming over involved, and distressed by, a scenario that none of us really know about.

People on here have been immensely upset and hurt by posters they actually met several times in the flesh whose circumstances were very far from those described.

We don't know the truth of anything here is all I'm saying and being incredibly involved in a situation over which you have absolutely no influence is just...unwise.
I genuinely hope she responded soon and everyone can be reassured that she is fine.

FWIW, I agree with Pagwatch. I suspected what she has outlined when Vertical disappeared so abruptly. It was half term last week, after all...

I wouldn't start troll hunting either though. If she does come back and sees that we have misidentified her as a bored 14 year old, she may not feel she can post again.

Absolutely Gatorade. Posters are not legally bound to come back and update. No matter what has happened, whether she has left or stayed (and I'm assuming she is genuine), she no doubt had better things to worry about that updating here.

Better to not post anything rather than unsupportive comments or troll accusations.

I do not think that was a troll.

Just to be clear, I'm not calling anyone a troll.
I'm just trying to caution against posters being too invested when they have no real way of knowing exactly what they are dealing with.
By all means support and believe the op - as we should. But being distressed and frightened by her ceasing to post may be stepping into an area which is unproductive and unhelpful.

I just want posters to try and be emotionally intelligent and maintain some sensible distance from the events - something which is easy to forget when we get very involved. We've all done it.

Pagwatch I agree. I followed the thread from the beginning and felt my tiny heart beat faster as she described the nasty day out in the van because it brought back so many horrible memories for me. However, as I invested in the thread, and posted, and stayed up to post and got up early to watch and post.... I was aware that it may not have a resolution. So we have to accept that, as you say, this is the internet and Vertical may not come back. But we can just hope that she is ok. We'll probably never know.

.... and here's the thing. There'll be another one tomorrow. That is Mumsnet.

Yes. Totally with Pag and helpme. Please don't get too personally overinvested in threads on here - it's not helpful to the OP, nor does it help you to help others. If someone doesn't or can't come back for whatever reason then there is nothing you can do about it. It is sometimes the case that a poster stops posting and most of the time we never hear from them again. That's part of posting on a talk board - you have to accept that sometimes your words are going nowhere and are not going to have a nice easy satisfying outcome. Post for the OP in the hope that they will take some of it on board, post for lurkers, whatever, but don't post in the expectation of a response.

BertieBotts You see, as a lurker, I managed to get myself out of an appalling life. Thanks to reading Mumsnet, in secret, I understood that my life was far from 'normal'. Didn't post at the time, because I couldn't - but came to post once I had escaped and to say thank you.
So maybe, Vertical's story, and most importantly all the M'netters who post with solutions and offers of help, will help someone else.
Keep posting. It does help, even if you don't get the immediate feedback.

Yep :) Similarly, when I first came I didn't post about my XP but I was reading... it helps.

One of the 'rules' of counselling. Don't get so invested that you are effectively unable to help, and potentially damaging yourself. The way it was described to me was that if someone was drowning, you are much more helpful throwing a ring at the person to save them (you know, the ones that are red and white at the side of the river bank, don't know proper name) than jumping in the river and potentially drowning with them.

Lifebelt

Thanks :)