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Original poster

Me and the other woman are pregnant

169 replies

Depressed13 · 15/02/2015 18:05

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He has a four year old son who I love to death. But the mother of his son is the spawn of satan. Throughout our relationship, she's been disrespectful. Well recently I found out I was pregnant, and his initial reaction was that "he's not ready for another child" and he wanted me to get an abortion. Now this crushed me because he was always telling me he wants to have kids with me and start a family but as soon as I get pregnant, he does this. We started arguing a lot because I was heartbroken by his reaction. Because we were arguing, he cheated on me with the mother of his other child , and now she is pregnant too. Her and I started arguing (I know it was stupid, but I was angry) and she found out that I, too was pregnant. She was going to get an abortion but as soon as she found out about me, she decided to keep her baby. And now I'm stuck as to what I should do. Do I get an abortion and wash my hands with this situation forever, or do I keep the baby? Me and him are no longer in a relationship anymore, so I don't need people saying "leave him alone" blah blah blah. I just really need some guidance . I have literally no one to talk to because all my friends have turned on me since I got into this relationship ( I only had like 3 friends to begin with ) and I'm too embarrassed to talk to my family for fear of being judged . I want to be with him so bad but I know I cant . He's told me a million and one times that's he's sorry and he regrets whats he's done. But with the heartache I have, sorry isn't going to fix anything . I know in some cases people do make it in their relationship after things like this happens , but idk . I'm so confused right now. Keep the baby, or get rid of it ??? Please help me without being rude Sad

OP posts:
afreshstartplease · 15/02/2015 18:06

Sod him

Sod her

Do you want this baby?

ScrambledEggAndToast · 15/02/2015 18:08

If it were me, I wouldn't carry on with this pregnancy. He sounds like an utter loser and it sounds like a terrible situation to bring a child into. Find someone lovely who you can have a child with.

DeckSwabber · 15/02/2015 18:08

How many weeks are you?

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 15/02/2015 18:08

Only you can make that decision. No one can make it for you.

Can you call anyone to talk it through. Or an independent source, there are a few pregnancy counselling charities who might be able to help. Or make a gp appointment and discuss it with them. Let them know you are undecided.

Being a single mum isn't the end of the world and you can get help in that respect such as housing and benefits if you can't work or tax credits and childcare help if you are working.

Good luck with your decision.

slightlyconfused85 · 15/02/2015 18:09

I'm sorry you're in this situation, sounds really tough. First of all the biggest problem you have here is your boyfriend. He is a waste of your time for several reasons above, cheating on you first and foremost, and if your friends have turned on you he must have some other questionable qualities...

The baby thing is up to you. If you have this baby you should be having it alone, he is no support to you and he wants you to have an abortion to get himself out of a very awkward situation. Do you want the baby and can you support it alone?

MelonBallersAreStrange · 15/02/2015 18:10

How old are you?

LineRunner · 15/02/2015 18:10

I would in your position not continue the pregnancy, assuming it is early on, but that's me, not you.

It's your choice. It gives you control.

And I am very sorry you are in this unhappy position. Flowers

ScotsWhaHae · 15/02/2015 18:10

Take them out of the situation. Keep as far away from their drama as possible.

Do you want a baby and are you happy having a baby on your own?

ScotsWhaHae · 15/02/2015 18:12

And he didn't cheat on you because you were arguing, he cheated on you because he's a dick head.

ImperialBlether · 15/02/2015 18:12

If it was early enough I wouldn't continue with the pregnancy I'm afraid. I wouldn't want to be in touch with that couple for the rest of my life.

needaholidaynow · 15/02/2015 18:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 15/02/2015 18:13

I can only tell you what I would do in this situation

I wouldn't continue the pregnancy and I would completely distance myself from him and the whole thing

CurlyWurlyCake · 15/02/2015 18:13

How many weeks are you?

Quitelikely · 15/02/2015 18:14

If I was you I wouldn't keep this baby.

Your ex sounds like a total nightmare, he doesn't love or respect you because if he did he wouldn't have done what he did.

And how could you trust him again?

A relationship with a lack of trust, respect and love with babies added in for good measure is a recipe for disaster.

Why not leave him and his ex to each other then move on.

CaptainAnkles · 15/02/2015 18:16

I agree with PPs who've said they would rather be well out of such a situation. I think I would choose not to continue with the pregnancy and leave them to sort out their lives.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 15/02/2015 18:16

This depends on so many factors. At my age if I were pregnant I'd keep the baby no matter what. How old are you OP?

isthisjustfantasy · 15/02/2015 18:16

It sounds like you really need to separate the two issues. Do you want this baby and are you prepared to raise it on your own? Anything else is irrelevant. You say you are not in a relationship any more and you shouldn't base any decisions on what he may or may not do in future. He sounds an utter arse.

TokenGinger · 15/02/2015 18:19

I respect the advice of the other ladies on here, and they can probably offer you much more in terms of advice.

All I know is, I don't think I could personally terminate a pregnancy. However, I say that now as an outsider.

Weigh up the reasons why you're considering getting rid of it? At the start of the thread, it didn't sound like you wanted to. Are you getting rid just because daddy is a douche? If so, that's not a good reason to base it on. It's not great being a single mum, but if you want the child, have it. It will work out.

PastPerfect · 15/02/2015 18:20

In all honesty I'd have an abortion and never look back. However this is your decision and one you need to feel is right for you.

nilbyname · 15/02/2015 18:22

Only you can decide if you want this baby.

The dad, we'll he will be forever linked to you, through this baby and while that may work just fine, but it may not. So in as much as I would say forget about him, you can't in that one way.

It's a huge decision, have you considered talking to the brook advisory service?

Best wishes to you, and I'm sorry you've been so badly treated by this man.

Thisismyfirsttime · 15/02/2015 18:25

Take him completely out of the equation for a minute and ask yourself how you feel about this pregnancy/ baby. Ultimately it will be you who has to live with this decision either way and you need to find out how you feel about it.

Hypotenuse · 15/02/2015 18:30

I would consider telling him you've had an abortion, telling him never to contact you again, then taking some time to think about the baby when you can do so free of him.

Probably a very controversial opinion, but I wouldn't want him involved at all if I were in your situation.

Plus his 4yo has a chance of their parent's working things out. that's not a situation I'd want to be in the middle of.

SelfLoathing · 15/02/2015 18:32

I agree that the question is whether you want the baby.

How old you are is also relevant.

If you are early 20s, do you really want to complicate your life by becoming a single mother? It's possible but will be hard. If you are young, you will have plenty of opportunity to form new long term stable relationships into which to bring a child. It is also a truth that younger single men may be deterred by getting into a relationship with a single mother when there are lots of single women with no children in their demographic; the practical side of meeting others when you are raising a young child alone becomes harder too.

If you are early 40s and you want a child but think this may be your last chance, that's a whole different ball game.

Your decision has nothing to do with him or her though. It's your life and you will be the mother of this child. Do you want that is the key matter.

ShiaLeBeoufsBathTowel · 15/02/2015 18:39

In your position I would not continue. I know that's a bad thing to say; I just think it will make your life very hard for various reasons.

AnyFucker · 15/02/2015 18:42

It's not a bad thing to say, Shia. It's a valid choice that only OP can make. I second the people that have said she should make it assuming that the baby's father will have no input at all.