Me and the other woman are pregnant

[Depressed13]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He has a four year old son who I love to death. But the mother of his son is the spawn of satan. Throughout our relationship, she's been disrespectful. Well recently I found out I was pregnant, and his initial reaction was that "he's not ready for another child" and he wanted me to get an abortion. Now this crushed me because he was always telling me he wants to have kids with me and start a family but as soon as I get pregnant, he does this. We started arguing a lot because I was heartbroken by his reaction. Because we were arguing, he cheated on me with the mother of his other child , and now she is pregnant too. Her and I started arguing (I know it was stupid, but I was angry) and she found out that I, too was pregnant. She was going to get an abortion but as soon as she found out about me, she decided to keep her baby. And now I'm stuck as to what I should do. Do I get an abortion and wash my hands with this situation forever, or do I keep the baby? Me and him are no longer in a relationship anymore, so I don't need people saying "leave him alone" blah blah blah. I just really need some guidance . I have literally no one to talk to because all my friends have turned on me since I got into this relationship ( I only had like 3 friends to begin with ) and I'm too embarrassed to talk to my family for fear of being judged . I want to be with him so bad but I know I cant . He's told me a million and one times that's he's sorry and he regrets whats he's done. But with the heartache I have, sorry isn't going to fix anything . I know in some cases people do make it in their relationship after things like this happens , but idk . I'm so confused right now. Keep the baby, or get rid of it ??? Please help me without being rude

I would seek some advice as soon as possible OP, have you been to your GP? 15 weeks is quite far to abort, so please don't delay any longer if that's what you're leaning towards.

at 15 weeks would you have to give birth to the baby?

I think that would be totally different to an early termination

sorry you face this awful choice, I wish you luck whatever you decide

Could people report the nasty piece of work. Cheers.

There are some absolute dickheads on here at times.

OP, please do not listen to them. Unfortunately, the Internet is a breeding ground for trolls.

This poor girl is 21 and in a dire situation

your dickswinging has no place here, eek

No you wouldn't have to give birth at 15 weeks if you terminate.

Did you want the pregnancy before all the relationship shit happened? If you did, I think you will regret a termination.

If the pregnancy was always a mistake and you have never felt you want it to continue get yourself booked in for a termination ASAP as it will get increasingly mentally difficult.

Termination is such a hard decision and not one many people would advise comfortably or even advise at all!

On finding out that you are 21 the thing that comes over me is a huge wave of sadness.

I had my first at 22 and I have friends who have been in this place. Although we all love our children and would not take them back, given the choice (and remember choice is what you do have for now) we would all have not wanted to be single mothers, wanted bastards for the father of our children and above that, we all would have wanted calm stable family lives at the very MINIMUM.

Probability is you will not have this.

The older me would say run as far away from this situation as possible with confidence that you will look back in the very near future relieved that u did.

Im sure I do not need to say how hard and life limiting children are. A child will not make him love you anymore but rather be a reason for him to run away from his responsibilities.

You deserve to have someone love you and respect you for being the mother of thier child and the first obligation a mother has to her child, where possible is bringing them into a safe and secure environment which partly means picking as good a father as possible.

Please consider you can make friends through work or education and find a new partner. Having a child makes all of these that much more difficult.

Having said that and if you feel confident and comfortable with the notion of being a single mother then make this decision with your heart alone but make sure you are honest with yourself and give up the idea that he will be a good partner that you can trust.

Theres nothing worse that feeling permanently trapped! Even heartbreak which you have now and which we can all tell u is temporary!!!

Good luck sweetie.

If it's possible I would try and make a decision without putting too much focus on the situation with the other woman. I can see her pregnancy has complicated matters but as you and your exP are no longer together then the part she plays in your future is going to be minimal (perhaps only as the mother of your child's half-siblings). I don't think the fact she is pregnant should be a determining factor in your decision or put you off either keeping or terminating this pregnancy. Focusing too heavily on her pregnancy might cloud your judgement one way or another.

Nobody can make your decision for you and it is not an easy choice to make. Having an abortion is not to be taken lightly but then neither is choosing to go through with it. The big question is, do you want this baby? Are you happy with the idea of being a single parent and of having exP still involved in your life through your child? If you terminate this pregnancy will you be happy with the idea of not becoming a parent yet and never meeting the baby of you and your exP?

Is there anybody you can talk to in real life? If not a friend or family member perhaps you could go to your GP or family planning clinic and ask if they can put you in touch with a councilor who might be able to talk your options through with you. I think that it would probably be very wise to talk this situation through with an un-biased person, particularly somebody with experience of guiding women through their options and choices when they are facing a difficult decision surrounding their pregnancy.

Good luck making your decision

What a shitty situation to be in

No one can tell you what to do - it's a decision you will have to make for yourself.

What I can say is that a few years older than you i decided to terminate a pregnancy because I didn't feel the relationship I was in was on a firm footing.

It did end some years later and I have never regretted my decision.

Personally I think tying yourself to both him and her is a recipe for heartache.

You are young and will meet someone worthy of you - it's a tough decision but I wouldn't want to choose a path that would mean ongoing contact with people like this.

i wouldnt keep the baby personally. He must be feeling quite the stud having two women pregnant at the same time.

at 15 weeks would you have to give birth to the baby?

No do not be ridiculous

I think that would be totally different to an early termination

It's the same as a 9 week one.

Op nobody can make up your mind for you but if I were you I would terminate or say I had and move a long way away and cut all ties with the area so he never found out

I was 2 months away from turning 21 when I had my son and age is not a factor. As long as you can support yourself and your baby then it's fine.

I personally could not abort that far along. At my son's 12 week scan I saw him with his hand behind his head and the midwife commenting that we have a very relaxed baby. Knowing how far developed a baby is at 15 weeks is something to consider. However no one can tell you what the right answer is. We would all do different.

Take him and the ex out of the picture, do you want this baby?

I would have a termination at your age and in your circumstancesbut it is you who has to be happy with the decision. But I would also get checked out for std's. This idiot has clearly no regard for safe sex, or any respect for his partners.

This is a choice only you can make and unfortunately you don't have long left before the choice is gone.

If you have this child you will be tied to this man and this woman for the rest of your life as your child would be a sibling to the others.

He could make your life hell for the next 18/20 years and her along with him.

If you haven't then you also need a complete set of STI tests as he has clearly had sex with at least one other woman as well as you. Who knows how many there may have been?

Good luck with what ever you decide to do.

You are young, you have plenty of time to meet the right person and start a family.

A termination at 15 weeks is no different from an earlier termination.
Good luck to you.

needsasockamnesty, the poster is not being "ridiculous".

A late termination can be very different to an early termination.

Some hospitals will not do surgical terminations after 13 weeks (each hospital will have its own policy) so the only option might be a medical termination.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Abortion/Pages/How-is-it-performed.aspx

depressed13, your GP will be happy to see you to talk about your options, particularly if, as your username suggests, you are depressed. Please speak to someone as, whatever you decide, you need to talk to someone in real life about this. All the best.

If you have the baby you will be forever tied to his horrible ex and your waste of space an ex. Any new relationship would bare the strain of his and her behaviour as they would be entwined into your life.

If I were you I would end the pregnancy. I think if you continue you will be pulled into a toxic situation that will grind you down and any future relationships.

I wish you all the best. And all the happiness once you manage to move on from this situation.

I think at 15 weeks you already made ip your mind.

"at 15 weeks would you have to give birth to the baby?

No do not be ridiculous "

why is that a ridiculous question

I think you need to make your decision solely based on what YOU want. You have to forget this man ever existed, you do not want him as part of your life (especially if you keep the baby).

Things i think you need to realise are this:-

It sounds to me like you could have been the OW from the start (not your fault - he was clearly stringing you along)

Having his child will NOT keep him with you, absolutely not. Aborting the child woud not keep him with you (and who wants to be with someone who makes them have an abortion).

You are well rid of this worm!

So, thats him out of the picture.

Do you want the baby? It is fine and ok if you don't. I do think you need to get some counselling regarding the termination as you are quite far along in your pregnancy so it will change what needs to be done (sorry i dont know the details).

It can be ok you know to be a young single mum, it happened to me, I was 19 and my DD's father didn't want to know. I was however extremely lucky that i had very supportive parents who i lived with when DD was small and then i met my DP and we have been together for 22 years and have a child of our own - like i say, i was very lucky in that respect and without that support it would have been a very different story.

You have a lot to consider - do you have family support?

Do you think you could cope alone with a child? do you think you could cope with a termination?

talk to someone in RL

Very distressing situation for you, OP.

It sounds in your OP as if you are considering the possibility that your relationship could ever be repaired or revived? That you want to be with him, he is sorry, people do make it, etc?

Are you wondering if your relationship will work out if you do / don't have the child? The other woman clearly is using her pregnancy to 'keep' him, or at least keep him from you / your baby, if you have one.

He will not magically come over all parental and loving if you keep your baby. He has abused his position as a man to put two woman and two (potential) babies in a situation that a woman could never do to a man - and it isn't a situation I would ever want a child of mine to feel they had a part In - to know that about their dad, and a simultaneous half sibling.

So if you have your baby don't put him on the birth certificate (or that is an ethical thing you will need t think about - will your baby ever know the father?).

15 weeks is last ditch - get advice from a reputable advisory service tomorrow morning.

I sort of think that if by 16 weeks you are considering an abortion, you don't really want to be the mother of a baby.

Take care of yourself OP.

Also it's a hell of a coincidence to get two women pregnant at the same time if condoms were used. I'm suspecting there was no barrier method used so check yourself out at the clinic. And advise her too

You are in a rotten situation and only your own heart and head can answer the question re baby.

However, I recently had a late miscarriage as 15 weeks and I did have to deliver baby on labour ward - suspect it may vary according to hospital though. It wasn't as horrible as I expected though if that makes any sense?

I hope you're ok.

At 15wks now it all starts to become a little more complicated. Assuming 16wks earliest termination then the procedure is not as straight forward as if you were 9/10wks. That's not to say it's not still the best option for you but you need to take everything into consideration. Please contact your nearest Brook Advisory to get some guidance and at least get yourself booked in. You can always change your mind.
If you opt for a termination, can you afford to pay for it or would you require an NHS procedure? If you will need it done via NHS then please make an app with your GP for tomorrow. It may take a couple of wks for an app to come through and at 15wks, you need to get a move on; for your own sanity as much as anything.

If, however, you have decided that putting all the shit aside, you want to keep the baby then, congratulations and I'm sure you'll do just fine. Many, many women bring up children single handedly, many of those fathers are dick heads, yet those kids turn out just fine.
But only you can decide what is best for you. Me??? At 21, with all the crap going on with him and his partner and the other kids, I'd opt for a termination. You have 20 odd years of childbearing ahead of you. Plenty time to find a decent man who'll love you and Bram with delight when you tell him he is going to be a dad.
Good luck whatever you decide.

beam