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Original poster

Me and the other woman are pregnant

169 replies

Depressed13 · 15/02/2015 18:05

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. He has a four year old son who I love to death. But the mother of his son is the spawn of satan. Throughout our relationship, she's been disrespectful. Well recently I found out I was pregnant, and his initial reaction was that "he's not ready for another child" and he wanted me to get an abortion. Now this crushed me because he was always telling me he wants to have kids with me and start a family but as soon as I get pregnant, he does this. We started arguing a lot because I was heartbroken by his reaction. Because we were arguing, he cheated on me with the mother of his other child , and now she is pregnant too. Her and I started arguing (I know it was stupid, but I was angry) and she found out that I, too was pregnant. She was going to get an abortion but as soon as she found out about me, she decided to keep her baby. And now I'm stuck as to what I should do. Do I get an abortion and wash my hands with this situation forever, or do I keep the baby? Me and him are no longer in a relationship anymore, so I don't need people saying "leave him alone" blah blah blah. I just really need some guidance . I have literally no one to talk to because all my friends have turned on me since I got into this relationship ( I only had like 3 friends to begin with ) and I'm too embarrassed to talk to my family for fear of being judged . I want to be with him so bad but I know I cant . He's told me a million and one times that's he's sorry and he regrets whats he's done. But with the heartache I have, sorry isn't going to fix anything . I know in some cases people do make it in their relationship after things like this happens , but idk . I'm so confused right now. Keep the baby, or get rid of it ??? Please help me without being rude Sad

OP posts:
stayanotherday · 16/02/2015 00:25

I must say to the three nasty posters on here, I hope you never find yourself in this situation.

frazzled74 · 16/02/2015 00:43

I was in your situation once and after thinking it all through for weeks and getting no where, my nan said to me , " there are worse things that can happen, go with your gut feeling, the rest will work itself out along the way", Whichever decision you come to , don't regret, the decision was right for you at the time. Good luck x

mammuzzamia · 16/02/2015 00:55

I would be reluctant to advise for or against a termination, as most of us would. But you need to make the decision without his influence and do what is right for you, whatever option that may be.

differentnameforthis · 16/02/2015 03:01

Because we were arguing, he cheated on me with the mother of his other child NO!!

This suggests that you are to blame, partially, for his cheating on you. You are not.

He didn't cheat because you were arguing, he cheated because he is an arsehole. And I know it only takes once to get pregnant, but I would be surprised if the 'one time' your partner cheated on you resulted in her pregnancy. My bet is, that it happened more than once!

I really do not want to get an abortion Then don't! You have found MN now, so you have a wealth of great information at your hands to help you raise your baby.

Whatever you do, Good Luck op!

differentnameforthis · 16/02/2015 03:03

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Koalafications · 16/02/2015 07:46

I think the pro life posters need to remember that this isn't a debate about the morality of an abortion at 15 weeks.

It's about the OP who is only 21 years old and is in a really difficult situation

Mamabear14 · 16/02/2015 09:50

I've been in your position, I was 18 when I fell pregnant with my first son, and when I was 5 months along I found he had got another girl pregnant. From that day I did it alone and Id just turned 19 when he was born. It was tough, but my son is now 10 and absolutely amazing. You will be able to have a 'normal' life with a baby, it was certainly lonely for a while for me but now I'm living with a lovely man and 17 weeks along with baby number 3. Let the poor excuse for your baby's father do as he wants, you will know that you have brought your baby up with all your love. Alternatively, if you choose to terminate don't let any of the people on here trying to scare you put you off. You are very young and you need to do what's best for you, not him, and certainly not strangers on the Internet.

needaholidaynow · 16/02/2015 09:58

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needaholidaynow · 16/02/2015 09:59

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ShiaLeBeoufsBathTowel · 16/02/2015 10:14

I became pregnant at 17, now tapping on the door of 40.

Was ridiculously hard and sometimes lonely, but I have to say that my daughter is a remarkable young woman and I am very proud of her. Haven't laid eyes on the father for something like 20 years.

You do have the choice. You are very much in control of this situation, though it may not feel like it. If you want to keep your baby, then there is support out there. It is possible.

3littlefrogs · 16/02/2015 10:20

needsasockamnesty

Have you actually seen a picture of a 15 week fetus?

I have delivered one.

The op needs to talk to a professional asap as the options become fewer with each passing day.

I feel desperately sorry for her, but she needs correct advice and information.

AnyFucker · 16/02/2015 11:04

I think it would be best that if people wanted to debate the whys/wherefores of terminations at particular stages of pregnancy they take it elsewhere.

PastPerfect · 16/02/2015 11:11

Agree with AF there is a time and a place and this isn't it.

DixieNormas · 16/02/2015 11:27

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 16/02/2015 11:28

So, basically, people, RTFT, or at least the OP's updates.

DixieNormas · 16/02/2015 11:36

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dratsea · 16/02/2015 11:42

Mamabear well done Flowers and great advice to OP

3littlefrogs · 16/02/2015 12:00

I am sorry OP - I didn't refresh the thread before posting and it had moved on a lot.

WotchOotErAPolis · 16/02/2015 14:44

As a pragmatic pro-lifer I would say it's not the baby's fault, I would keep it, but that would be my choice.

As a compassionate human being I would say - do what is right for you. I don't have to bring up a baby alone & it's f'g hard work even when the Dad is around.

Buttholelane · 16/02/2015 19:47

Hello, I had my eldest at 17 and I had nothing whatsoever to do with the father.
If your even a little bit unsure about terminating then DONT, it's not something you can reverse!

P.s although they can't survive out the womb yet, babies are pretty much fully formed at 12 weeks. There is also patchy evidence to suggest that they can feel pain, after this age.
That's why a growing number of people either want the babies given pain relief during abortion or the limit set to 12 weeks and conveniently enough, most abortions are carried out before this age.

DixieNormas · 16/02/2015 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buttholelane · 16/02/2015 22:27

What makes you so sure?

generally, if it has a nervous system it can feel pain.
12 week foetuses have a nervous system so it's not that incredible to think they could feel pain?

Medicine is always moving forward, wasn't that long ago we were operating on newborns with no anaesthetic....

Koalafications · 16/02/2015 22:28

Butthole do you think thats a helpful post?

Have you read the OP's updates?

Koalafications · 16/02/2015 22:32

WTF is wrong with you Pro-lifers?!

OP has said she wants to keep the baby why do you keep going on about terminations?!

Take your agenda off the thread.

Buttholelane · 16/02/2015 22:33

I thought it was...?
I advised if she had any doubt at all don't do it, I stand by that.

In response to previous comments I said that foetuses are fully formed at 12 weeks but can't survive outside the womb which is true.

What did I miss, I thought she said she had tried three times to abort and couldn't?
That she was insinuating she was going to keep it?