Green going back to your earlier post:
Women not being equal. Blob has spent most of our married life treating me as an equal. But he grew up in a home where his dad clearly didn't believe that. I think it's no coincidence that he went off with what he perceives as a very weak woman. He once said she would do whatever he said. Actually, that didn't turn out to be the case, and she is also very manipulative, and playing the victim is her speciality. He's reverted to the gene pool he came from.
Fresh start. Definitely a change of perspective is needed. And it's about focussing on yourself and the kids. At some stage you have to decide on your own version of why you think the marriage ended. And then put it to bed. Or you tell yourself that you will never totally understand, but will just accept what you know. Or you tell yourself that you no longer care about analysing it, because you no longer want to spent your time focussing on him, the negatives etc.
As you know, you and I are both the same in the analysing department. I think the difference this time is that my greater need is to get the past, and that bitch, out of my head. I've spent too long in the past trying to sort through all that maze. In the same way as people have been telling iwas that she will never understand Sid's actions because they are so at odds with her own moral code....in the same way, I really can't be doing with people who have certain character traits. So maybe I have decided that none of it matters anymore, because the person he is now and the person I am.....and with the recent history......I too have decided to end my marriage. It just so happens that he made the decision first. But, having decided that there is no way back, I'm happy to walk away without a backwards glance.....a bit like they do when they leave.
And having reached that conclusion, I can look forward to my fresh start. Well, it's not quite as simple as looking forward. But you get the gist. I'm steeling myself for the eventual loss of the holiday home. It breaks my heart thinking about it, and I have so many flashbacks about all of it. That will be shattering my dreams. So, knowing that this is the lowest point, everything else just follows. So if I lose the main house too, whatever. The next house will become a home, in my style as always. And it will be somewhere that he will never set foot in. I've decided that. It puts me in mind of "The Railway Children". They had to move downwards. I just put myself in the mindset that it's a new start, and the final piece of moving on
Doing a runner from themselves. Absolutely! Which is some satisfaction that they take all their issues with them, plus more. So they don't get off scot free.