HOBBITS BAR - still finding it hard to move on ......(part 3)

[greenberet]

here we go ladies & drifting dogs welcome too of the harvey kind!

grab your drinks - , and izzietinis dependant on time of day & how we are feeling

Original thread

Part two

anyone welcome, new, old, lurkers we share with you all.
no requirements re posting as & when, one offs, rants, extreme rants, blubbing we dont mind, we've done it all .

we like songs, we like pics, we like humour, we like the words "twunts" and "fuckwittery" & we send each other often!

Our motto KOKO and our theme tune

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Hi Deck you are in the right place here. Plenty of unreasonable twunts behind us! I have to say though that this is the lowest offer I have heard. Well it's more a poke in the eye isn't it? As for wanting to split the kids that's preposterous. The only bright thing is that he may well go abroad. That must be far enough! I'm sure someone will be along soon to give you advice on the legal aspects of the settlement. All I know is that you can force a nisi even if they don't reply. It sounds like you need to get a SHL to protect the assets in his name. I think WWK will be giving you some advice.

Meantime, we've all done the very early days. It's minute by minute, as you say. It's being in shock. I assume like most of us you're not eating properly if at all at this stage. Just get anything down if you can and just go easy on yourself.

There are others on this and the older threads who are going through particularly nasty divorce proceedings. And I'm sure they will be able to offer some words of wisdom and empathy.

If you haven't read the old thread, me 30 years married, left 3.5 months ago for ow. Two sons with me, 19 and 22. No proceedings issued and not rushing financial settlement. In fact it's all as it was. I'm a lot better than I was but at this stage there does appear to be a typical low again after making progress.

Actually I would get myself off for some legal advice re kids. I sort if dismissed what you said there as I thought he wouldn't have a hope in hell of doing that. But if they were my kids I know I would still be worried so I would go. Take someone with you if you can. Their head will be in a better place to ask questions and take on board the replies

Six months. That would give him time to sort out the assets in his name. She says with her finance hat on. Yes get legal advice ASAP. Bloody great isn't it. There enough to take on board with separation, let alone all this shot piled on top.

You will get a lot of support here

Here meaning on this thread

Can I add myself as well.

I've been frantically lurking,taking support meant for others and not felt brave enough to support until today.

On Jan 3rd my DH told me he didn't love me. Wanted to split. We had a had a lovely Christmas it came completely out of the blue. He told me that on his children's lives (3 of them) that there was not another women and wouldn't be for at least 6 months. I didn't believe him and then found Facebook messages between him and a work colleague, going back months.

He had waited till I was asleep Christmas Day and went to her, had excused himself from a family party Boxing Day to be with a sad lonely friend - not true he was with OW.

Worse of all he had involved our youngest 2 kids, she has kids the same age and she had been looking after them (even the afternoon when he told me it was over) and the had been playing happy families. My 6 year was told not to say anything to me. CUNT.

So. Initially I forgave him and begged him to stay (text book!) he said he would consider it and we reconciled for 48 hours and then he went missing for 5 days. Needless to say we aren't reconciling and I have my dignity back.

We lived in a rented house and he earns significantly more than me. He refused to move out because he loved the kids and was acting as if nothing had happened, laughing, singing, rough housing with the kids, telling me to 'get a grip' when I was upset. Acting like a complete monster, I don't know who this man is I married.

So I moved into a new house with the kids, he remains in the old house and has the kids a few times a week. I've heard he isn't seeing the OW but I don't know. I am really really struggling emotionally. I have days of feeling strong and then days of wanting to be in the foetal position howling.

He minimising everything, the kids are struggling but he just says I'm being dramatic.

I've realised he is a compulsive liar and I think he might always have been I just never admitted it to myself.

I feel like I will never me happy again. I will certainly never trust anyone again. I'm 42.

Sorry to all the women who are here, I had NO IDEA how awful this was will it happened to me. This is the worse thing that has ever happened, and I've had some horrible shit.

Married 11 years by the way.

Deck well done for getting an appointment with a lawyer. If he thinks he can ignore correspondence for six months or dictate that you get 1/5th of the assets he has a shock coming. They all start the process thinking they can dictate and control then as they get further along they start to realise it doesn't work like that. I had similar threats from my own cheating STBXH who said that he would make sure everything we owned went on lawyers fees if I dared divorce him. I told him it doesn't work that way and I was right. My immediate and most urgent advice is to take the DCs passports out of the house and keep them in a safe place and never let him have them. He can't take them abroad without your permission. Good luck for today.

Flange you have been brave and strong to manage to sort out another house for you in that short time. I don't know why some of them turn into monsters when they meet OW but what a nasty prick and don't feel bad for begging him to come back most of us did that too in the shock of the early days. What you are feeling is completely normal it will take time but gradually you will start to feel a bit better as each week goes by. Others will be along with more advice soon but I just want to say well done on what you have achieved so far.

Hi Deck and Flange < great name by the way> its so hard isn't it?
Don't worry about feeling weak or unable to cope, on here we just say exactly how shit it is , vent it all out in the early days, < and the later stages> cry and rant and scream all you want.

I begged my husband not to leave me and my sonsFlange , I think most of us did at some point, it's just so scary and overwhelming, he said he wouldn't and then left two days later. But you will be much better without him, you have shown so much strength already in organising a home which can be your new haven.

Keep posting both of you, KOKO, x

And can I just vent a little here, FUCKING FACEBOOK AGAIN!
I hate it with a passion, just a tool for cheating scumbags to message and show off on.

Don't know about Facebook. But bloody mobile phones have a lot to answer for

Right ladies, and Drifting, we all know there will be ups and downs..............

Today I've just got back from the hairdressers, walked into kitchen flooded in sunshine, lovely and warm through the windows and doors. Place looks a mess, and I'm aching from that ceiling and stairwell painting yesterday. But, I'm thinking I'm making progress and this time next year I will have everything done, and my time will be mine to do as I want. I won't need a project to keep me occupied, I can do what I want, I can sit and watch whatever I want, see who I want, or just stay in. What I most definitely WON'T have is that bloody nutter in my head anymore. Nor will I be living the turmoil of the dark years. I don't know what the future holds, but I know that it's going to be about me and the kids. And me! It feels good.

3.5 months been and done

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErELpxBBWjU

Morning all, just checking in before having tea with SHL as per usual and deal with the latest round of fuckwittery...

Welcome to Deck, firstly congrats on getting yourself some proper legal advice and recognising the 'fuckwittery' of "he says". It felt like the greatest act of treachery going to see a lawyer, and I balled my eyes out all the way there, all the way through the appointment and all the way back again. So if that's your day - I consider you dignified! I'm afraid he's going to have to grieve for his mother and cope with a stressful divorce. You are currently married to one deluded fucker if he thinks such lofty thoughts of wrenching the kids out of school, separating the siblings and moving overseas (has he actually chosen where yet?) just because their mother decided their father is an arse. It's so hard not to believe their threats in the early months, but start buying mountains of salt to throw around the place....

Flange well done you for getting yourself sorted and doing the best you can. You will heal, that I promise you, I'm passed the foetal position howling (great phrase) and you will get through that too but in the interim, whenever you can, succumb to it. It's a long hard road to happiness but the pendulum does swing...It's just baby steps for you to get through each day so do anything and everything you can to find ways to improve your self-esteem. It will be shot to pieces right now.

Tabby when do they realise it doesn't work like that...? My remains deluded...and outraged . Hope you're doing well.

Hobbit my sentiments exactly.

Green doing the email sorting etc was so hard, I also found an email from ten years ago which I read with shame these days. It made it into the bundle because it shows how we he made a critical condition.

Izzie it's going to take a lot of courage for me to try an Izzietini, but I shall make that my divorce cocktail of choice for when I am finally over this.

Quick hello to everyone else I am off to show Tracy Emin how crockery should be arranged, showering and then heading off in the DeathTrap Mobile.

Hi WWK missed you!
Hope it all goes well with SHL today, x

your self-esteem. It will be shot to pieces right now

Listen up everyone. It's not about YOU, it's about THEM. Their failings as a decent human being. I was left for a chubby [fat women his turn off, no offence to anyone else] frumpy cow with mental health issues. I have NO self esteem issues arising from his leaving. Fucking hell, if I am left for THAT, you lot should worry! who's wondering how bad I must be?

Not only that, she is a vile manipulative bitch

Hi Flange and Deck

Flange well done for moving into a new house - shows your independence and taking control even though you're feeling crap.

Deck - good for you for seeing a solicitor. How old are the DC? Has he already left? Loving his 1/5th offer while saying he won't discuss anything divorce related. Is he still living in the same house? You might have a case for a divorce based on 2, or even 5 year separation???

To both, get as much evidence on finance stuff as you can before it disappears/gets hidden!

I'm blubbing for a different reason today. Our elderly Labrador is on tablets to keep his back legs upright, and now has the most enormous lump on his front leg which is now bleeding. Off to the vet later, not looking forward to it as I will cry through the whole thing...

Izzie you have to take comfort from the fact that this "chubby, vile, manipulative bitch with mental health issues" is his problem now

Bobs that is so sad I hope you're dog is going to be okay. I think Vets get as used to tears as solicitors do. . Take care

bobs yes! one of my allegedly "vile" texts said something like he was now "her carer and meal ticket. Kerching". It's a bigger problem than that if you've read that the kids will never ever acknowledge her existence..

OMG, bobs, I no longer have dogs, since a year ago. Had two beautiful lab bitches, amongst others. They are the best dogs ever, that breed. They bring such joy, but it's heartbreaking when they aren't well. Thinking of you xx

My VD present to me and kids turned up. The headphones he offered to buy me in summer. Feeling choked now. We had a lovely holiday, just me and him [or so I thought], that was when he offered. Bastard

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOH6SzDX3l4

Ok, here's a song to jig to on Tossers Day.. Try not to get any pancakes on the ceiling

www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WZNyxo1fgQ

Brill song Izzie laughing through my tears and snotting down my face