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Original poster

HOBBITS BAR - still finding it hard to move on ......(part 3)

999 replies

greenberet · 15/02/2015 12:08

here we go ladies & drifting dogs welcome too of the harvey kind!

grab your drinks - Brew, Wine and izzietinis dependant on time of day & how we are feeling

Original thread

Part two

anyone welcome, new, old, lurkers we share with you all.
no requirements re posting as & when, one offs, rants, extreme rants, blubbing we dont mind, we've done it all .

we like songs, we like pics, we like humour, we like the words "twunts" and "fuckwittery" & we send each other Flowers often!

Our motto KOKO and our theme tune

join us Smile

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Thread gallery
9
familyofthree2014 · 17/02/2015 14:59

Hello all. First time at the bar - just a fruit smoothie for me - on a health kick don't cha know!!

Welcome deck and flange.

Deck just one week in, wow. Look after yourself as best you can, it is completely normal to be all over the place. As for your home, are you in a position to try and make it a sanctuary? Can you decorate? It's a great distraction and may help in the early days. Izzie has been doing amazingingly and I've done loads over the past year too and it now feels like my home rather than our home if that makes sense. There are no real memories of him there now, it would be very odd if he ever was there!

Flange go easy on yourself too. You might find you have a lot of flashbacks to times that you now realise he was lying. I have had moments where I've fallen to the floor in a heap when I have realised that he must have been lying in the past. It is a horrible feeling but one you need to embrace if you are to heal. He lies and he always will - you can not believe a single word he says anymore whether it be good or bad. He also swore on our children's lives numerous times - remember that is on their conscience not ours.

They try and minimise things because they are guilty. They don't want to be responsible for any damage so they will minimise / deny everything. I have been as honest as is age appropriate in explaining the situation to my children in the hope that they will see the truth when they are old enough to understand it. Being honest is all you can do. As WWK has often said to me and others, we are the parents that stayed and that must count for something.

You will be happy again though I know it feels like you never will. It might not be for weeks or months but you'll smile again and you'll realise that life goes on. And that life can be better.

I am in a much better place than last week and I thank you all for your help and support. These threads are fantastic (thank you Hobbit and Green) - I like it when new people post and say it has helped them too.

Bobs I am sorry about your dog. I hope it goes as well as possible at the vets.

Flowers to all

Original poster
greenberet · 17/02/2015 15:05

I am struggling today - i am stuck in the twunts game of fuckwittery -
I have been told that the way to break the cycle is to express myself this is what I am doing. I am being abused by the person who got abused or a more familiar term "bullied" - yes I am being bullied for doing nothing wrong in the same way this person was being "bullied" by his friends when he passed the 11+ and they didn't. This is what this is all about - he didnt stand up to the people who did this to him he did nothing for a long time, told noone until eventually his DF took control and sorted.

so in our game he thought "nagging" equals "bullying" ie me "bullying"- he didnt know what to do about it for a long time so did nothing and told me nothing- eventually along came OW who took control for him & sorted it.

But maybe he wasnt sure - he tried to tell me something that he didnt know if he wanted to play anymore - i said ok maybe i don't either - maybe this is not what he expected to hear. Then he couldnt make up his mind so I made it up for him, and now I am being punished for this. I am not allowed to stop playing the game until he decides. The rules of the game will keep changing if I start to get them and it looks like I am "winning". I cannot win because this is his game and only he can win. I am trying to take control and get things sorted but i am not allowed to do this either. This is because he couldn't stand up to his own "bullies" and if I can do this I am braver than him - this means I have to get somebody else involved that can stand up to him. So the question is how do we treat bullies that do not recognise that they are bullies or do recognise it but will not admit to it.

I can take all this - I am a grown up - but the kids they are innocent in all this - you are hurting them far more than you are hurting me!

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Original poster
greenberet · 17/02/2015 15:22

oh i have slipped - stupid me - there I am telling iwas that her DH is getting back at her via the kids and ive just realised mine is doing the same - manipulation all the way - getting the DD to take food supplies from my cupboard to his to make her pancakes - oh yes all looks innocent to the DD because she doesn't yet fully grasp how big a TWUNT you are - wonder what this has to do with - the lack of acknowledging you on VDay perhaps - guess you're still reading then you sad f**k -why don't you just get on with your own life and let me get on with mine!

rant over - off to see counsellor now Grin

probably why I feel so ranty got 2 weeks of fuckwittery to update her on

and breathe!!

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Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 15:30

Oh Green is he still reading??

In which case, Mr Green, what is the difference between you reading her posts on MN and her reading someone's Twitter? Answer as we know, only one is stalking. Durr

TabbyTortie · 17/02/2015 16:08

family it is helpful to hear that your home feels like your own and that you aren't bothered by memories from the past. One possible outcome from my divorce is that I may get my house back and although i miss it very much I have been wondering what it would be like to be back there with all the memories and the knowledge that he shagged OW there.

WWK I think mine has realised by now that its not going to go his way so now he pretends to be the victim and tries to talk his way around everyone. All the time I've known him he has been able to talk his way out of any situation. The judge didn't fall for it.

Tossers day will take on a new meaning for me this year thanks to this thread. I shall treat it as a little celebration at being free from tossers.

Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 16:18

Tossers day will take on a new meaning for me this year thanks to this thread. I shall treat it as a little celebration at being free from tossers

We shall jig around singing the Fuck Off Song, then toss that pancake high in the air and watch it SPLAT, all over the ceiling not my newly painted one though

Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 16:30

Green I have something in common with your ex. I went to a grammar school too. He didn't go to the same one as mine though, unless he was a girlie.......in fact both me and my ex went to grammar schools. Both had a very famous pupil. His one long gone, but mine was there at the same time as me, but I didn't know it.....will PM you

bobs123 · 17/02/2015 18:17

Back from the vet's...minus dog Sad Sad DDs and I'm making my way through the Aldi Sherry (excuse is dehydration from all the tears)

Being a positive sort of person I always look on the bright side..he was almost 15, he had a good life, and he went at the time that was just right! Doesn't stop the sadness though and I know when stbxtwatface learns about it he will be so so sad...right!

On a lighter note...bet I can top your famous pupil I was at school with Smile

Original poster
greenberet · 17/02/2015 18:40

im back - had my head sorted - achieved a new level today - not a single word to twunt as he was waiting to pick up kids - he is now the shit on my shoe - counsellor said something to me today - i come across as an extremely loyal person - i think shes right on that - im all or nothing - with me there's no funny business in between can't pretend to be nice whilst im stabbing you in the back - so now its nothing - about bloody time!-

izzie i like that song - our new theme tune i think! & "tossers" day - like that even better.

welcome deck and flange - deck you are doing so well for one week in - think i was comatosed at that point and getting to sols so early but agree with well something I never thought I would be doing.

flange - that is exactly what we are here for - we reach out to the parts others don't - haha! ( who can name the advert?) - I always used to say I lived in a bubble and boy did I - that bubble has well & truly burst and i have come out of the dark, but flange you will be happy and trust again- will take time but you will, we all will.

good to see tabby and bobs on here -sorry about your dog too - and other ladies thank you for the pms this morning. its a long road coming from a place where someone else's behaviour put you in a position where you needed ADS to be able to function to realising that it may not be you, that you have a voice that is listened to and that you have a choice in what action you take next, if any - the funny thing is when someone else says it to me i just think its no big deal - there are worse! so a bit more of that adjustment going on!

drifting hope you are doing ok!

Cake for everyone today - nearest they got!

KOKOxx

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Original poster
greenberet · 17/02/2015 18:41

bobs Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
greenberet · 17/02/2015 18:42

ooh we have a new game - no famous pupil for me but can spout some famous parents! at DDs old school

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Hobbitwife001 · 17/02/2015 18:44

Lovely posts from everyone, Family and Izzie especially, :)
Oh Bobs, so sorry about your doggie, I would be so distraught as well if I lost my buddy, drink your own body weight in Aldi sherry tonight to get over the sadness.
Have been back to my counsellor today, it went well, I only cried a teeny bit, < one tissues worth> and she gave me some great pointers for my upcoming mediation session. In fact I wrote a lot of it down, it was gold ladies, will probably quote it verbatim. All in all feel better than I have the last few days. KOKO all, x

Hobbitwife001 · 17/02/2015 18:50

I like the new game, can I join in? Are we allowed to say the names?
Actually, he was a few years above me in school, Jonathan Pryce , the actor, < he's in Wolf Hall at the moment> came from my town.
Not very exciting I know, I NEED to know yours now!

bobs123 · 17/02/2015 19:11

Female, titled!

Hobbitwife001 · 17/02/2015 19:19

Awwww.... Bobs, do tell!

drifting2015 · 17/02/2015 19:20

Bobs - I am sorry about your dog. Sad I have a dog too . He is getting on & it is hard so you go ahead and let it out.

drifting2015 · 17/02/2015 19:21

Back later . Happy Bday for me yesterday everyone.

Hobbitwife001 · 17/02/2015 19:23

Happy birthday, Drifting, how many candles on your cake? :)

Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 19:43

For Bobs
I'm so sorry my love. I've had four dogs. Done that trip each time. It is so peaceful at the end. But heartbreaking Flowers

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow frail and weak
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then will you do what must be done,
For this the last battle can't be won.
You will be sad I understand,
But don't let grief then stay your hand,
For on this day, more than the rest,
Your love and friendship must stand the test.
We have had so many happy years,
You wouldn't want me to suffer so.
When the time comes, please, let me go.
Take me to where to my needs they'll tend,
Only, stay with me till the end
And hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time you will agree
It is a kindness you do to me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I have been saved.
Don't grieve that it must be you
Who has to decide this thing to do;
We've been so close we two these years,
Don't let your heart hold any tears.

-- Unknown

Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 19:48

Think I've won this. Double whammy with the help of the ex

This is twunt's. The lead singer
www.youtube.com/watch?v=QgYblVYEldY

And this is mine
www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1pMMIe4hb4

Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 19:50

Aw his one is out of sync. Bloody figures though

Original poster
greenberet · 17/02/2015 19:53

read this ladies especially the link - says it all!

"Passive Aggressive behavior is a form of covert abuse. When someone hits you or yells at you, you know that you’ve been abused. It is obvious and easily identified. Covert abuse is subtle and veiled or disguised by actions that appear to be normal, at times loving and caring. The passive aggressive person is a master at covert abuse.
The biggest frustration in being with a passive aggressive is that they never follow through on agreements and promises. He/she will dodge responsibility for anything in the relationship while at the same time making it look as if he/she is pulling his/her own weight and is a very loving partner. The sad thing is, you can be made to believe that you are loved and adored by a person who is completely unable to form an emotional connection with anyone."....see more here....
Common Passive Aggressive Behaviors:
passiveaggressiveabuse.wordpress.com/passive-aggressive-behavior/

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Original poster
greenberet · 17/02/2015 19:55

i can tick every one of those off!

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Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 20:01

She was a few years above me it seems and I was still at school when "Wuthering Heights" came out. Our music teacher was none too happy. I have a book label with her name on it. Genuine. Discovered as she hit the charts.

Oh come on bobs, who is it? Kate Middleton?

Izzie595 · 17/02/2015 20:04

Bobs is it an actress? Dame somebody?