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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 17/02/2015 22:55

It's a good idea to go see your GP tomorrow; would you prefer to be asking for support rather than thinking you aren't a good mother? You've been through some horrible events the last couple of days and no doubt for longer too. You're in shock and need support. Your DD needs you. You don't deserve to feel like this. Can you call your friend again? Does your wound need medical attention?

tipsytrifle · 17/02/2015 22:57

Free you should not be doing yourself down like this. You are protecting your DD and yourself from a very abusive XP by the sound of it. You've been to the police and the hospital. You are a brave strong woman.

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/02/2015 23:12

I can't call anyone. But will calm soon

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 17/02/2015 23:16

After the stress you have endured I think you're allowed to be anxious! You must be exhausted. Did you eat? Will you calm enough for sleep? I'd sing you and DD a lullaby but, well, that would be cruel.

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/02/2015 23:29

I don't think I ate I don't really know. I can't even remember

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 17/02/2015 23:34

That's not surprising - you probably don't feel hungry anyhow. I think that's to do with adrenalin. I hope you'll be able to get some rest though.

Smooshface · 17/02/2015 23:35

Your dd will be just happy to be with you. If you are feeling scattered and vunerable the woman's aid number further up should be able to help, maybe you would feel better where you know he can't find you. See gp tomorrow and get help and support. Please stay strong xx

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/02/2015 23:54

I don't know. I just want to calm down

OP posts:
Mom2K · 18/02/2015 01:52

Just breath love...try and distract yourself...focus on your DD. You can get through this. You are NOT a crap mum. In fact you are so brave, and being very strong through this. Some people find it incredibly difficult to take the necessary steps you have already taken by calling the police and going to the hospital.

What was done to you is so very wrong...but there is nothing wrong with you. Please try to show yourself some love and believe that you will come through, and that things will be better. I know this is scary. We are here for you...keep talking to us, the police, and women's aid as you need to.

Mom2K · 18/02/2015 01:53

breathe*

RandomNPC · 18/02/2015 02:45

Oh, freeflying I wish someone could scoop you both up and rescue you. I've read through your posts, you don't deserve any of this and it looks like you've had a tough time in the past. You've been so brave already, your daughter will be proud of you when she's older.

Original poster
Freeflying · 18/02/2015 16:20

I spoke to my friend today and she said she will look after dd for me for today and tomorrow. I had a proper talk to her and she was very sad that I hadn't spoken to her about it but she said she will help me now. He's been bailed he has been calling me from his friends phone all day now, he is beig horrible to me but I just feel numb

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 18/02/2015 16:22

Ring 101 and tell them he is harassing you. They will stop him.

whitsernam · 18/02/2015 16:41

Please ring 101 or even emergency police line... You do not have to put up with this! And do not answer the phone! There's no law that says you're required to answer - please start protecting yourself from him. Please. Flowers for you, as they always brighten me up, so I hope they do you as well.

Thevirginmummy1 · 18/02/2015 16:45

Phone the Police and report him harassing you. Also ask whether he has bail conditions in place to prevent him from contacting you. Has he been bailed to go to Court or back to the Police station. Please please please contact Women's Aid. Many of the worker's have also been in your position and none of them will judge you. You have a young child and a horrible situation so it's no wonder you're doubting yourself but you're not alone. If it helps maybe ask your friend to ring them on your behalf. She can explain what you've told her then pass you the phone. It will help to stop you feeling like you don't know what to say/where to start. They can offer you practical and emotional advice and are very good. Please stay strong. Xxx

bettyboop1970 · 18/02/2015 16:51

I'm so sorry you are having such a bad time. Is there anyone you and DD can go and stay with for a few days so you can get some proper support? Family or friend? You need to see your GP and get some advice and supportFlowers

tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 16:56

You absolutely need to record his harassment of you with the police. He has likely been told not to approach you but obviously he isn't supposed to be abusing you via phone. This is still abuse, you know. Don't doubt it. He is wrong, you are right. You're numb by way of self-protection, I expect.

weedinthepool · 18/02/2015 16:57

You are doing so well! The same thing happened to me with my H. I haven't told the police etc so you are doing much better than me. It might seem like everything has fallen apart but you have taken a HUGE step. You are very brave.

If you have the energy ring Rape Crisis, they are fantastic. They have a helpline in most localities. You don't need to explain everything to them but they will hold your hand and speak to you about keeping safe. Do it for your DD.

CluckingBelle · 18/02/2015 16:58

Please call Women's Aid. They will get you out and take you somewhere safe so you can think straight again.

Original poster
Freeflying · 18/02/2015 17:16

Someone keeps ringing the doorbell and I don't know what to do I can't see from my flat who's at the door

OP posts:
Andro · 18/02/2015 17:19

Call the police, explain the ongoing issues, tell them why you're scared to just buzz whoever it is in, ask their advice.

tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 17:20

Free you call 999 dear lady .... Now.

Original poster
Freeflying · 18/02/2015 17:21

Now? Won't they be angry it's not an emergency right

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 17:21

Do NOT answer the door or allow anyone in if it's a buzz-entry to the building. Explain the situation.

tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 17:23

It might be an emergency. You're preventing an emergency. This man has just been bailed, right? Harassing you on phone, yes? No answer so next move is likely to be a home visit. He has attacked you twice in a week. It's an emergency.