Arguing again

[Freeflying]

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

I would say your GP or the Mental Health Team if you have details for them. Well done for shouting up. Here if you need support.

Xxx

If you can't get an appointment with your GP today ask if s/he can phone you instead.

Xxx

Did you phone anyone yet Free?

I tried to call the gp it was busy for about an hour but I booked an appointment for Monday on my phone with them but I can't ask them to call me unless I can get through to reception. But I feel a bit better I am out with Dd now

Glad you're feeling better. Do you think you'll be ok til Mon? Xxx

You do indeed sound better! Sometimes it's just a case of having the guts to ride out the weird/shit days. Excellent that you have an appt on Monday. Very clear that you're a gutsy young woman too.

The aim of the meds should be to change the way you "don't know" and the overwhelming numbness, I think. That phased-out thing you feel? If the meds are adding to your trauma responses then they aren't helping, they're getting in the way and need reviewing. Just my opinion, of course.

Some might say the numbness is a healing thing but I'm not so sure. And that really really is just my opinion. I prefer being able to fight back when shit gets me down lol.

Counselling should be coming through? May take awhile though.

You have a number for a MH team though too? Forgot what they're called.
Or the Samaritans if you need a voice to help you through.

You going to watch for the eclipse in the morning? Kind of magical, eh?

I want to reply. But my glasses smashed ! But thank you for supporting me x

free I've not posted before but have read all your thread. You are doing amazingly. Of course you will have doubts and really low times but that is all part of the process and you may not realise it but every day you are getting stronger and stronger. And one day you will look back at this and realise how, by just surviving these black moments, you have taken massive steps to get you and your daughter the life you both deserve, and she will be so proud of you.

You have loads of support here day and night, don't be afraid to use it, Mumsnet is a powerful friend. Keep going and well done!

Oh no about the glasses! Can you get them to Tesco or somewhere to be fixed? My Tesco has an optician, not sure if yours does.

I was thinking of a supermarket because in the meantime they do those cheapies that you have to try all of them on to find a near-enough match so you can read and whatever?

Thanks for your messages, I can't afford glasses at all this month but it's ok I found an old pair of contacts that aren't perfect but they're better than nothing :) i took Dd to a toddler group this morning and saw a couple of my work colleagues who are taking on my work until I go back they were really nice but I have a meeting with my manager on Monday too. I feel a bit better and I feel stronger I think I can't let him win by staying down. I want to make a better home for my baby girl and I can't do that if I stay depressed x thank you this is a real lifeline for me x

You sound better and stronger, free. Well done for getting this far, keep going!

Bless you free, I have no idea where you are or really who you are but I am absolutely rooting for you. You sound like such a lovely person. You will get through this, you really will. Hope you have a lovely chilled weekend with your dd. xx

Sounding great. Really well done. Xxx

I'm feeling scared and lonely

What's happening? Scared of something immediate or just everything that's happening? You're so strong now that really you've nothing to be scared of - you're tackling everything life throws at you.

Did anything come back from the court appearance the other day? GP appointment tomorrow so hopefully you'll get some more support.

Xxx

It's easy to get fear and Sunday loneliness mixed up as feelings go. Both are emotional stress reactions. Sundays can be hard for some people, maybe you are one of them. It's an in between day and almost always feels kind of strangely empty.

It's also a day oriented for family, so being a single parent - or a loner like me - well, everything that makes for being an outsider in any way is reinforced on Sundays. Luckily I'm ok with being an outsider.

You aren't an outsider really, but you are suffering from being isolated in your past by abusers. Maybe you need, in your own time, to make new friends who can help you make something different and better of Sundays?

Thinking of you

How's it gone today hon? Xxx

I am not feeling well, but I really do appreciate your messages, I haev wanted to write a message for days but I didn't know how, there are lots of things happening but I don't know how to talk about them. Dd is being looked after by my friend

Try and share if you can hon. We'll help where we can. Xxx

It's ok to be up and down. After a down there will be an up. The ups will gradually become the norm, as you process what's happened and build up your strength. Hang in there and keep telling yourself you will get through this.
Xx

Maybe it would help if you could write a numbered list here of events going on? No talking about them, just identify and label. We're here for you, dear Free

I'm sorry I am just useless

Free you are NOT useless. Overwhelmed and kind of struck silent by whatever stresses are pressing you into the ground. We're here for you whether you can type or not.

Remember who you are, the brave woman who has endured a life of abuse and who still had the guts to end it with that monster who attacked you. The brave woman who loves and cares for her DD - and that includes settling her with friend when things get too much. The brave woman who is probably dealing with many agencies, all trying to help but no doubt seeming a bit invasive too.

Like the rest of us, you may well be suffering from that precious hour of sleep that gets wrenched from our duvet-loving bodies too!