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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 15/03/2015 23:56

I'm kind of crying a bit here because I think you are finally on your way to being as your chosen name dreams you to be .... do it, darling soul ... xxx

Thevirginmummy1 · 16/03/2015 06:03

You're doing so well Free. Hang in there and build a beautiful future for you and DD

Xxx

Thevirginmummy1 · 16/03/2015 20:02

How you doing today Free? You're going to have good days and some not so good days. You sounded so positive yesterday that hopefully today is another good day. Just remember that we're here for you either way.

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 16/03/2015 21:25

I just want to die. I hate myself

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 16/03/2015 22:27

Free what has happened today?

Original poster
Freeflying · 16/03/2015 22:40

I had to have the sexual health tests and I don't feel right I feel disgusting

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 16/03/2015 22:51

Oh darling girl, that's about body invasion but for good reasons this time. Of course you feel like shit though, who could ask for a bigger trigger to feeling invaded and abused?

You ARE Right. When you have your balance back you will know right from wrong feelings for sure. It feels wrong because, quite frankly, you have been penetrated wrongfully for so long you have come to hate your own anatomy as much as the invasionary attacks. How could you feel that health checks are a good thing when everything you know sexually has been about violence?

Except you went and you got through them! How bravely amazing is that??
Time will heal this, it really will. Time and care and good counselling. You are not disgusting. Those who have abused you are disgusting.

Flowers
slithytove · 16/03/2015 22:53

Hi free,

I've just read your whole thread, and wanted to post to say how brave you are, and how wonderful you are protecting your dd from this man.

You will come through this and you and dd will be so happy.

And you aren't disgusting! That rapist is disgusting, but you are not.

Thevirginmummy1 · 17/03/2015 00:04

I'm so sorry that there's something else that you've had to go through. I'm so proud of you though for going and having them done. Many women who haven't been through what you have are afraid of getting them done so well done for being so brave. As tipsy says time will help to heal. You feel disgusting now but that feeling will fade and you'll be proud of yourself for taking care of your own health.

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/03/2015 00:16

Thank you x

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 17/03/2015 07:05

It's a new day now Free. Hope it goes well for you.

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/03/2015 19:41

There's a hearing tomorrow

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 17/03/2015 20:11

Are you worried about it? How do you feel? Have you got any questions/concerns about it? How have you been today?

Sorry for all the questions just figure that one way to try to help is by breaking things down into (hopeful) more manageable chunks. Don't know if that's any use?

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/03/2015 21:33

I don't know what to do

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 17/03/2015 21:45

About what? Do you actually have to 'do' anything at this time? My guess is it's a preliminary hearing. What have you been told?

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/03/2015 22:00

I don't have to be there. Im so scared of him I just want a hug I need some one to be with me

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 17/03/2015 22:11

Darling soul - you are being hugged a million times over here.

If you do not need to be at court that is good.You don't have to fear him or the process. Let them do each other as they will. They will not be beaten and raped as you were - they are defending you from it happening again. They are protecting other women from him going berserk on them in the future.

They are imposing right and wrong when he has failed to see it before.

Let them do their job and you .. relax a little. This is his time of being accountable for his actions. Your time to breathe pure relief xxx

tipsytrifle · 17/03/2015 22:12

Could your friend come over and maybe stay a day or two?

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/03/2015 22:30

I think she hates me too, I don't know, he is a monster in my dreams every night

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 17/03/2015 22:40

She doesn't hate you. He's probably made you believe that anyone important in your life is no good or out to get you. She doesn't hate you.

As Free says - let the legal process go on and try not to worry about it. This part will be a formality so don't get involved.

I know he's in your dreams/nightmares but at least he's not physically there causing you and your DD to live a nightmare of fear and risk. Please stay strong hon, you're doing so well.

Sending you big hugs.

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 17/03/2015 23:40

Thank you I'm tryibg I just don't know and my baby started to crawl today and I feel so bad that he's missed it

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 18/03/2015 06:46

Awww, what a brilliant moment for you!

As far as him missing it goes that's one of the consequences of his actions. He doesn't deserve to be there for the good moments when he refuses to provide a loving, nurturing home for you and his DD. I'm sorry to be blunt but I'm so pleased that you're there to experience all the milestones. Being honest, the way he has carried on he's lucky he hasn't killed you. Be thankful that you have had the strength to stand up to him and be there for all your DD's magical moments.

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 19/03/2015 09:47

In not ok today I am going to call someone I don't know who or which team maybe social services I don't know?

OP posts:
Original poster
Freeflying · 19/03/2015 09:47

I'm*

OP posts:
Lemonylemon · 19/03/2015 10:06

OP: Can you get an appointment with your GP? You sound like you're struggling with a down day....