Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
WhereIsMYJonathanSmith · 13/02/2015 15:12

Just ring WA and tell them you are afraid of your partner and you need some help to get out of the relationship.

It is much easier than you think and you can do it.

Charley50 · 13/02/2015 15:13

That he's assaulted you and you don't feel safe in your own home. It doesn't matter if he hasn't left physical marks. If he threatens you tell the police about that as well.
Is it your own place or does he live with you? You can get the locks changed.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/02/2015 15:16

Yes, call WA, tell them you're frightened, being abused and trying to care for your baby. Read what you wrote here if it helps. You can do it. Do it for her

Original poster
Freeflying · 13/02/2015 16:48

I called the police and told them they are coming out to me

OP posts:
Original poster
Freeflying · 13/02/2015 17:19

I don't want to see them I have to much to think about

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 13/02/2015 18:23

No abuser believes himself (or herself where applicable) to be an abuser.

He must not think this wasn't serious or that you'll let him brush it under the carpet. You may hope this was a one-off. I hope you speak to the police.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/02/2015 18:35

Please tell the police the truth. It's not easy and I know it's taking courage to get this far but the truth is all that stands between you, your baby and safety.

Original poster
Freeflying · 13/02/2015 20:48

I went to the station with them and had to have an examination I feel sick now. Don't know what to do with myself

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/02/2015 21:49

When you say you feel sick is that because you're frightened of reprisals? (I'm assuming he's no longer around for now) Do you have someone you can call? A friend who could come round? A contact at the police station? You've done the right thing and you've shown a huge amount of fight to get as far as you have. I can't do anything constructive for you unfortunately except to suggest you drink some strong, sweet tea with a nip of scotch in it.

Jackw · 13/02/2015 22:03

Oh well done. What you need to do with yourself now is look after yourself for this evening. Cuddle with your baby, get into your dressing gown or something else comfortable, pull your duvet or blanket onto the settee with you, have something to eat and drink, watch TV or do whatever it is that you enjoy doing to relax. You have had an awful time and been very brave so now you just need to take care of yourself. Just make sure the doors are secure and you have your phone charged and near you.

Original poster
Freeflying · 13/02/2015 22:31

The police want to prosecute for rape and I feel bad and I just can't do it

OP posts:
Jackw · 13/02/2015 22:37

Oh, you poor thing, no wonder you feel sick. I am so sorry. You don't have to decide anything tonight.

Original poster
Freeflying · 13/02/2015 22:44

Thank you Jackw

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 13/02/2015 23:16

Yes, get a good night's sleep and maybe things will seem clearer in the morning.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/02/2015 09:32

Do you have family nearby? Is there someone who you trust that can come over? I don't know if you have seen your GP yet but seeing the police means you have logged this which is a good thing. Abusers depend on intimidation and keeping their actions secret so it's easier to manipulate you and make you doubt yourself.

Original poster
Freeflying · 14/02/2015 11:04

I don't think I can see anyone. But thank you

OP posts:
AHatAHatMyKingdomForAHat · 14/02/2015 11:36

Your best chance for safety is for him to learn that he can't get away with it.

Can you talk to the police about how hard you find it to prosecute? Rape Crisis too maybe?

Original poster
Freeflying · 14/02/2015 11:49

I've got a number for the domestic violence officer at the station but she's not working today. I am going to take my Dd out today

OP posts:
TongueBiter · 14/02/2015 11:58

No new advice, but just wanted to know that you are doing the right thing to protect yourself and your baby. Please try and see a friend or relative today, even if you want to tell them, just say you need company and a hug. Stay strong; that abusive, pathetic excuse for a human being does not deserve a place in your lives.

Original poster
Freeflying · 14/02/2015 12:57

I'm shit. I'm too scared to take her out. He hasnt contacted me and I'm scared

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 14/02/2015 12:59

I'm sorry you're still scared. If you feel happier and more secure staying home with your DD, do that instead. Be thankful that he hasn't contacted you.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 14/02/2015 15:17

If you have food and nappies in, stay cosy this weekend.

Keep your phone charged up. Any unwanted contact from him call the police. As of yesterday he will be on their radar so to speak.

Original poster
Freeflying · 14/02/2015 16:07

I've just got a Valentine's card through the door with 'happy' Valentine's Day written inside and some scribbly shit that I can't make out in his handwriting and I don't even know what to think

OP posts:
TongueBiter · 14/02/2015 16:21

Think nothing. Don't give the card headspace. Put it in the bin. You're in the driving seat now - he does NOT get to treat you like he did and then try and worm his way back in with a fucking card.

Keep posting - get support and strength here. And you're not shit - I don't go out for far less reason than you've got! Bring the duvet downstairs and put a dvd on, or music.

Original poster
Freeflying · 14/02/2015 16:22

Thank you it just feels threatening because of how he put happy in quote marks

OP posts: