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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
Freeflying · 18/02/2015 17:24

I will call them I feel shaky I will call now

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tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 17:25

Yes do it. Then come here til the police arrive and sort it out. Tell the police how terrified you are. Is DD with you or has friend got her? Don't answer til after the police have been!

Andro · 18/02/2015 17:27

That's good. If it is him and the police find him, it's almost certain to be (another) breach of his bail conditions (the first being g the phone harassment).

RandomNPC · 18/02/2015 17:27

999 now if you feel threatened.

RandomNPC · 18/02/2015 17:27

Sorry, x post. Do it!

Freeflying · 18/02/2015 17:39

It's stopped so I will just leave it I guess I want to stop panicking

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tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 17:50

If it has stopped, it might be worth talking to the police on 101 to check what conditions for bail were set? Protecting yourself is one way to sort panic out? Panic is a helpful rush of adrenalin urging you to DO something to change a situation. It's why we have police too.

Freeflying · 18/02/2015 17:54

Ok I will call them I have been sick again I feel dizzy

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tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 17:56

I'm truly sorry you're going through this - you must be so utterly stressed out. I just would like for you to let the police protect and advise you. Hiding, undefended, won't make you feel better Sad

Star8369 · 18/02/2015 19:20

did you call the police?

Freeflying · 18/02/2015 19:40

I can't do this I haven't called them I can't calm down

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tipsytrifle · 18/02/2015 19:50

It's ok Free. We're all just getting to know you. When you aren't calm what goes on with you? You've mentioned throwing up and shaking. What else? Do you have any techniques for slowing down the panic and stress? What do you normally do to calm down?

bluejelly · 18/02/2015 20:05

Oh you poor thing. Can you make yourself a cup of tea with lots of sugar? Eat a biscuit or a banana? Need to keep your energy levels up and it will help you think more clearly.
Also, could you ask your friend to come and sit with you?

RandomNPC · 18/02/2015 20:32

It might help to control your breathing, it might help with the anxiety. I found this:
m.youtube.com/watch?v=ExvXmsr--Mk

Freeflying · 18/02/2015 21:27

I'm sorry I don't even know what is going on right now

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bluejelly · 18/02/2015 21:46

No need to apologise. It must be really confusing and stressful. Are you at home with your dd?

Freeflying · 18/02/2015 22:36

Dd is with my friend at the moment

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Freeflying · 19/02/2015 01:38

Is anyone around

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ilovelamp82 · 19/02/2015 02:12

i'm here. Are you ok?

2Retts · 19/02/2015 02:56

Hey Freeflying, how are you doing?

Has anything else happened?

You've done the very best that you can for your DD in making sure she is being cared for in a stress free environment; you're a great mum dealing with a difficult situation, go easy on yourself.

Is there any way you can extend this care should you need it? Take the opportunity to do so if you can.

Please do not be scared about calling the police now that they are involved; they do want to help you but can't if you don't keep them informed about what is going on. In fact they need you to keep them informed so that they can effectively build their case...you're doing them a favour really.

Trust me, they know what they are looking at, they have seen it hundreds of times before and they know when it is a genuine case...yours is.

Please communicate with them and with your friend freely. The moment you can see your actual position and take the support you need, is the moment your recovery begins (and you need to recover from this for your precious DD).

You will get all the support you need (and then some) here, but you do need to try and get your focus back and deal with this head on; that means you have to start looking after yourself properly...eating, sleeping, talking. I do hope you can find the strength to do this.

My thoughts are with you Freeflying and I truly hope you can find the energy to get through this.

You are not alone.

Smooshface · 19/02/2015 09:22

If the door buzzing happens again call the police, it is an emergency when you are frightened of someone who could hurt you. It is up to the police to decide what to do or instruct you to do - don't worry about 'wasting people's time', this is exactly what they should be helping you with.

Freeflying · 19/02/2015 09:43

I haven't done anything I don't know what i can do. I haven't slept all night and am sitting I don't know what else to do. I feel sick still and weird

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tipsytrifle · 19/02/2015 10:14

Free things will get better. You are safe. DD is safe. How old is she?

Keep your phone charged up and make sure doors are locked. You changed the locks, didn't you? I forget ...

It would be great if you could call the police on 101 and ask to speak to whoever is dealing with your case. Or rather, the case against him on your behalf. Just like 2retts said. They need to know everything so they can get him away from you. THEN you will start to recover. You sound like you are utterly traumatised. I think you might need some medical help.

I think it would be good for you to see the doc but realise that would mean leaving your flat. Depends how you feel about that. But you know you need some real life hands-on help, right? Maybe Friend could help get you to doc?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 19/02/2015 10:57

Don't you have anyone you can call on the phone or ask to come and sit with you? The friend who is looking after DD sounds great but you need someone to look after you, encourage you to eat and sleep etc. Because if you don't eat or sleep, you feel crap anyway and any crisis is instantly 10 x harder to deal with than if you're well rested and well nourished.

If there's literally no-one - no friends or family - then please talk to someone. Samaritans, Womens Aid, GP, us at a pinch....

Freeflying · 19/02/2015 12:13

I dont know what to d at all. I'm sorry I will be ok. didn't change the locks but he left his key here I think because he was buzzing the door and he would of just come in I guess

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