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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 03/03/2015 16:28

That's brilliant news (though I appreciate you may have mixed feelings). It will give you a bit of breathing space. Did something else happen or did you report the letters and calls?

How are you feeling now?

Have you had any contact from Social Care/mental health team etc?

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 03/03/2015 16:31

He came in my flat and hurt me A social worker is coming to see me on Thursday.

OP posts:
janesduffelcoat · 03/03/2015 16:38

Very well done Free, you've done the right thing!

Balders74 · 03/03/2015 16:39

Are you ok? Have you called the police? If you don't then he will think he can just keep coming back to hurt you.

Balders74 · 03/03/2015 16:39

Sorry, I missed the message above saying he is being held - phew!

janesduffelcoat · 03/03/2015 16:41

Oh so sorry I cross posted! I hope you're ok. Glad you're getting some RL support,

Thevirginmummy1 · 03/03/2015 17:10

So sorry to hear that he hurt you. How are you now? How's DD now? Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 03/03/2015 18:51

I am sick and exhausted I feel disgusting

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 03/03/2015 19:20

How utterly terrifying that he got into your flat. Did he barge in or make you open the door? Did he have a key after all?

I imagine that he attacked you sexually as well as beating you? You don't have to say, but are your wounds treated and recorded by the police? They must be, hey?

I am so sorry for your suffering Free. He is in jail for now (custody is same as, albeit nicer unfortunately). But Thank Goddess! This is the start of the end of him being in your life. Does that make sense?

You really have nothing disgusting on you but the aftertaste of his violence. Can you have a nice bath? I wish I could send you some really nice bath stuff because I know you're skint. In the past I've put shampoo in bath water to make bubbles when i couldn't afford nice stuff. It works.

Talk it out, Free - only if you choose to and in your own way.

His attack on you is NOT YOUR FAULT.
It never was and never will be your fault that you have been abused.

Original poster
Freeflying · 03/03/2015 21:48

I don't know what to think. I feel sick and numb. Dd is back with my friend. he beat me up and had sex with me and he was so horrible to me I just feel sick

OP posts:
Original poster
Freeflying · 03/03/2015 22:50

I don't like baths but I might have a shower again. I have to go to work either tomorrow or Thursday and I'm scared of that too. I feel bad that dd has him as a dad and bad that I've let him back I hate it all

OP posts:
Cassawoof · 04/03/2015 00:26

Don't feel bad! It is what you are doing now for you and your DD that matters. And you are doing fantastically. You have the police involved, he is now in custody, and you have the right support being lined up for you. You are making her future so much better by being so strong and dealing with all this. Keep posting here and get the support you need. There are lots of people here to help and you will get through this. Just take it a day at a time and take all the help you are offered.

newpaddingtonscaresme · 04/03/2015 04:21

I'm sorry you're going through this.
You sound like a great mom, all your posts show that your dd is your first priority, having your friend take her when you're overwhelmed shows you're making good choices in her best interest.
You are a loving mom going through one of the hardest things imaginable, please be kind to yourself. I think you're amazing xx

Thevirginmummy1 · 04/03/2015 05:11

You let him back because despite all that has happened you still have faith in human nature and want to believe that he can change, that he will see your daughter and realise what he is missing out on. He's probably also managed to convince you that what he does is your fault so you believe that if you change your behaviour you can keep things harmonious and you can be a family again.

Even without what you have been through it is hard being on your own with a baby. Sometimes it feels like it's 'better the devil you know'. At the moment you are scared of what the future holds and daunted by everything that is happening and what you have to do. With all that considered it is no wonder you let him back in.

The main thing is that you and DD are both safe. You can't help who she has come from and anyway I bet you wouldn't change her for the world so you will have to build a future for you both where you are there for each other.

I don't know enough about your work situation to help I don't think. Is there anyone you can talk to to explain you're having some personal difficulties so won't be on the best possible form.

I would recommend phoning Rape Crisis. They may have more practical suggestions for coping with some of the things you're experiencing... freephone helpline
0808 802 9999
12 - 2.30pm
7 - 9.30pm

Above all you are doing well. As PP have said you are putting your daughter's needs first and are clearly very loving and conscientious.

Xxx

tipsytrifle · 04/03/2015 09:06

You let him back only because you thought you could make him not-angry. Sadly this isn't possible and he attacked again. HE did that, not you.

Now the police have him. They have him because he is a Bad Man. That is why he will stay locked up until the court decides how to punish him for his wrong doing. You did brilliantly, Free. You called the police afterwards. A Huge Step Forward and you took it!

I don't like baths either but just sometimes in the past, when I've felt dirty to my very bones, a soak in the bath helped me feel the dirt was being drawn out of me. A shower after a bath is good. Who says it has to be one or the other? Why not both?

I also used to cheer up with eggy bread covered in sugar ...

TheMShip · 04/03/2015 12:49

Hope you're feeling better today, Free. Please know we're all amazingly proud of you for calling the police. You're being a brilliant mum to your DD, and thank goodness you have a friend who can help out by taking care of her.

Original poster
Freeflying · 04/03/2015 18:09

Hello everyone thank u for all your messages I have made a plan I feel a bit better today. Tomorrow I have some home visits to do so dd will go to childminder and then I will pick her up and do my food shopping. I am meeting someone from a sexual assault place tomorrow afternoon too. Work are being nice to me I didn't tell them just said I have had a stressful time but they said its ok for me to do the necessary and work from home the rest of the time. I know I need to pick myself up now.

OP posts:
bluejelly · 04/03/2015 18:55

Oh free what an unbelievably tough time you've been having... Glad you've got the police and other agencies involved. You are amazingly resilient and you will get through this. Hang in there - you have all the good women of mumsnet rooting for you. Xx

bluejelly · 04/03/2015 18:56

Ps good news about your work and also the appointment with the sexual assault place. I'm sure they'll take really good care of you.

Thevirginmummy1 · 04/03/2015 19:41

Nice to head you sounding a bit more positive Free. I'm in awe of you. You're doing so well. Hang in there. Xxx

tipsytrifle · 04/03/2015 20:01

Cake and Flowers for you Free

Original poster
Freeflying · 04/03/2015 21:18

i don't feel good I feel scared. Tired

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 04/03/2015 22:18

I'm not surprised. Just do as little as possible and try to look after yourself. Try to get some sleep. I know your mind will be whirring but at least you know you're safe. One day at a time don't forget. Xxx

Thevirginmummy1 · 05/03/2015 05:59

Sounds like you have a busy day ahead Free so hope you've managed to get a little bit of sleep. Hope it all goes well.

Xxx

bluejelly · 05/03/2015 13:39

How did it go today free? Thinking of you xx

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