Arguing again

[Freeflying]

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

My visits were fine but I just fell apart in the office. I feel sick and shaky and like I've taken 10 steps backwards. Dd is with the childminder until 6

Oh you poor thing. Please don't feel embarrassed about "falling apart". Over the years I've cried several times in the office! I'm sure nobody will think any less of you. You will I'm sure have days where you feel like you're moving forward, and other days when you feel like you're moving backwards. That is totally normal after the stress you've been through, just take it one day at a time and gradually you will move forward faster than moving back (if that makes sense!)

I can't stop panicking

Hi Free. Try and take some deep breaths and repeat your DD's name in your head until it passes. You have been through so much & you will have some hard times but time is a great healer & you have professionals supporting you. He is locked away & cannot harm you any more.

We're here for you

Thank you balders I am trying to breathe deeply my chest is really hurting and I gave been sick again. I hate it so much

Oh Hun, try to keep hydrated & get some sleep. Things always seem shittier when you're tired. Go & have a peek at your beautiful DD sleeping. You did something amazing by making her & you will be strong again.

You may not realise how far you have come. Just a few days ago you were too scared to leave your flat. Don't be too hard on yourself. Xx

Hope you're feeling better now. Well done for everything you achieved yesterday. Don't worry about falling apart in the office. Most people have done it at some point. I know you were feeling panicky last night but do you feel a bit more positive after all of your visits yesterday?

Xxx

I don't think I can do this anymore

Hey Freefly. It's OK. You are safe now. Your DD is safe. Can you call your friend or the Samaritans? I think you need some real life reassurance as well as us on here.

Free you can and you are doing it. I've been lurking on your post and checking in every day to see how you are.
You are doing it, you've achieved a lot you've done really well in difficult horrible circumstances. You've got all these mumsnetters supporting you and gently urging you on. You'll get there and you'll come out strong.
My advice (I've never been in a situation like yours but I have been through some awful times where I've not known how I'm ever going to get through it) is to take each day at at a time - if you can survive and get through one day then you can get through the next one and the next one.

Oh and have a plan
Xx

I just want to hide now I am tired of it all. I have tried and tried to make it ok and I just don't know hos

You are doing well. You're worn out physically and emotionally. Be kind to yourself x

Are you getting or due to have any counselling? If not please see your GP & ask for some support.

How are you feeling today Free? You're doing so well and it's been a really rough week for you - DD being ill, being attacked again, Police involvement, work, meetings. You've coped with them all so be proud of yourself. Have you met with Social Services yet? Any contact from the Mental Health Team? Xxx

Thinking of you and hope you're doing as well as you can.
Don't pressure yourself into feeling ok, you've had a traumatic experience, treat yourself kindly and patiently. Cuddle in bed with dd for most of the days you're not working if you want. Thinking of you x

I'm just numb. Thank you for your messages. I don't know what to do or say

How are you feeling today hon? Xxx

I've got 38 missed calls from a private number and I don't know who

I suppose your friend might ring the number to find out if it was anyone important? Were they all from today or over a few days? If xh is still in custody it's unlikely to be him but I don't know how things work by way of communications in that circumstance.

38 is a lot of calls in a short time. Once you are safe in your flat then all is well enough for now. I hope you've been able to appreciate some space from being hounded by your attacker. Are you ok?

If you contact police they should be able to find out from phone company who was calling.

Yes Smooshface - that's a much better idea!

Have you answered at all or are they just missed calls? Speak to your DV Officer. You can ask that he be blocked from calling your number from prison. It might not be him but just in case.... Xxx

It was his cousin calling me. I'm ok. Just at work today. Trying to keep busy and keep my mind off of everything. Thank you for all your messages

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Are you ok with his Cousin calling you? 38 calls seems excessive. I hope they weren't calling to have a go.

He was trying to have a go at me. He left 4 voicemails which I listened to but i told the dv officer and she's coming to listen to them and then take them. The social worker is coming at 4 today to talk to me and I have a meeting with someone about counselling but I don't feel ready for that yet