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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Arguing again

449 replies

Freeflying · 12/02/2015 19:40

I posted a couple of nights ago because I was feeling anxious after my partner had been angry with me. It has escalated from there and I don't even know what to do now, I am feeling scared and tired and it was just too much this time. It's like history repeating itself I was in an abusive relationship for 6 years before this one and i don't think I can do this.
I don't know what to do. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I feel so scared and alone

OP posts:
Original poster
Freeflying · 01/03/2015 17:43

I am too tired of it all Dd is sleeping again I'm not distracted and it's scary

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 01/03/2015 19:12

What are you scared by Hon? Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 01/03/2015 19:45

My mind someone is At my door again

OP posts:
weedinthepool · 01/03/2015 19:50

Free please phone 101. Pick up the phone and do it. For your dd. That will distract you & keep you safe. Or PM me and I will do it for you. You can not keep living with this intimidation.

Thevirginmummy1 · 01/03/2015 19:56

Just remember that you're very very tired so everything will seem even more overwhelming. You've had a lot (more) to cope with in the past 24 hours so anyone would be tired, stressed and worried. You've coped absolutely brilliantly. Poorly babies are hard work but you've dealt with it and are getting through it.

I know there's so much more to it but please try and get yourself something to eat, a warm drink and then park yourself in front of something rubbish on tv to try to switch off for a while.

Here if you need me.

Xxx

Thevirginmummy1 · 01/03/2015 19:57

Just seen your last post. Definitely phone 101. Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 01/03/2015 20:06

I feel too overwhelmed now.

OP posts:
weedinthepool · 01/03/2015 20:12

Have they gone? Was it knocking or just general rattling?

Original poster
Freeflying · 01/03/2015 20:30

They were buzzing the intercom lots and lots but my lights are off and I just want to try to sleep

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 01/03/2015 21:59

Okay. You're safe. There's been nothing more (hopefully). Try and get some rest. If at any point you're feeling in danger make sure you call 999. If it is him the fact tha you're ignoring him and not responding in any way only shows him that you're not going to fall for his silly little games. I know you're scared but you're being so strong. Hang in there hon.

Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 02/03/2015 15:38

Please can someone hold my hand again I feel so ill and powerless

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 02/03/2015 17:27

Am here Hon. What's happening with you? Xxx

Original poster
Freeflying · 02/03/2015 18:26

I feel scared and stuff. I want to drop the charges now because I really don't think I have the strength for this. I want the best for my baby and he will just keep harassing me

OP posts:
Thevirginmummy1 · 02/03/2015 18:34

Has there been any harassment other than the letter and the doorbell ringing? I'm not saying that's not bad enough just trying to get the full picture?

Do you think he'll leave you alone if you were to drop the charges?

Are you considering getting back with him? Not here to judge just again trying to understand where you're at.

Whatever happens it has to be YIUR decision.

Xxx

Thevirginmummy1 · 02/03/2015 18:38

Yours even....

Original poster
Freeflying · 02/03/2015 19:00

He's been calling all day. He's being threatening and I don't like It I can't call the police he will be too angry

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 02/03/2015 19:39

Free you have protect your DD. You have to protect you so that you can keep her safe.

You must call the police. It is your job to do this so that they can put a stop to him owning you. Call them on 101. You will have a special person allocated to you. They may have gone off shift now but someone will take a message. Then they will get back to you. You need to help the police get rid of this man.

tipsytrifle · 02/03/2015 19:41

This man will harass you and DD whether or not you press charges for his attacks. He thinks he owns you and can treat you as badly as he wants.

Original poster
Freeflying · 02/03/2015 20:42

I am protecting my baby by not making him angry

OP posts:
tipsytrifle · 02/03/2015 21:10

Do you really think so? What will the cost of your appeasement be?

He has been calling and threatening all day. People do those things when they are angry. He is an angry person who has attacked you and is going to keep attacking you. I'm sorry dear Free but this is the reality. He will never be not-angry.

Do you want this man out of your life?

Thevirginmummy1 · 02/03/2015 21:16

You have to come to the realisation yourself hon but please consider these things...

What processes will be in place to protect you if the Police aren't?
Why is he calling and threatening? Is it actually because he's scared that you will actually stand up to him and he'll actually be bought to justice for what he's done?
Will dropping the charges actually stop him?
Has he done this before to anyone else? Have you asked the Police or Social Care?

Charley50 · 02/03/2015 21:17

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You must call the police. You can't give in to his threatening behaviour because he will punish you for it. You might need to consider moving away or to a refuge for the time being for your safety and peace of mind. He's breaking the terms of his bail by harassing you like this. I would call the police every single time he does. Sooner or later he will get locked up.
Hope you've already called them and can sleep in peace.

Thevirginmummy1 · 02/03/2015 21:20

And this last one genuinely isn't meant to try to scare or intimidate you but... are you happy with him having unrestricted access to your DD - taking her out for the day, weekends or weeks away etc? I'm honestly not trying to scare you or put pressure on you but if the family courts have no evidence or reason to suspect he is dangerous they will struggle to say that he can't have unrestricted access/joint responsibility for her.

I'm sorry and I know it's loads of pressure. At the very least DONT answer his calls and DON'T respond in any way. It will weaken any case you might choose to pursue.

Xxx

tipsytrifle · 03/03/2015 13:37

Free I apologise if I seem to be pushing you. It is important that you realise your reactions to events and some of your thoughts are trained into you through abuse. They are not rational, adult reactions and thoughts. They are pure fear-and-hide responses, almost child-like in their raw state, desperate only for survival in the moment. It really is time to get some serious real life help.

Original poster
Freeflying · 03/03/2015 16:13

He has been arrested and he's going to be held until his court date

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