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Original poster

is he lying???

435 replies

confusedmum74 · 09/02/2015 19:04

hi I've been a lurker on these boards for ages reading all the brilliant advice but never posted but here goes...
my boyf and I have been together about 2 yrs and although we don't live together we are now planning to move in together and hopefully have a family I was all up for this until fri night but now I'm confused....he went out with his friends fri night , called me before he left all love u etc etc and said he would keep in touch or let me know he got back ok....This didnt happen which I wasnt too bothered about but then we were meant to ve spending the day together sat ( as I had been really upset friday about something unrelated ) anyway I couldn't get hold of him at all sat sent msgs tried his phone LOTS which was off strangely as he's normally got it in his hand constantly...I was meant to be cooking dinner for us and it was all prepared...he finally rang at 8pm saying something along the lines of left his phone at a mates blah blah blah n then he would be over in a couple of hrs even tho id been waiting for him all day worried! He turned up at 10pm n refused to talk about it ie ive said I'm sorry can we forget about it now etc but its really bothered me.... Some things he said don't seem to make sense but he won't talk about it...either he's lying or just couldn't give a toss how I feel.....I know no one can say for definete he is/isnt lying just someone to talk to would be good as he won't discuss it and me over thinking it is poss making it worse....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/02/2015 10:23

arf

I imagine he is an object of ridicule at work

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 12:52

hi ladies and thanks. ..no I did not ring him to wake him up! hope he was late for work! had a phonecall off a stranger today that made me realise how bad things are....
the sky man phoned as while really upset fri I had phoned them to cancel my order partly because he had made me feel like id been ripped off and partly coz I couldnt be bothered with the arguments from it if I did have it.....
anyway the man at sky call centre obv didnt want me to cancel n asked why...I was so upset I just told him that id ordered it without running it past my boyf first n he had gone mad at me for it so I wanted to cancel to save myself hassle...he offered me a much better deal n said he would give me the weekend to think about it n then call back today....so he has and I have accepted the deal n carried on with the order but the poor man was asking how I was and he had thought about our call over the weekend n was worried about how upset id been made to feel over a simple thing.....above n beyond job description eh! lol x

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 12:56

its the same as u ladies on here really...ive said before but the kindness of strangers astounds me as the people closest to me who are meant to be kind arent! I really appreciate u all talking to me it means alot....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/02/2015 12:57

when complete strangers (as well as us !) are noticing there is something wrong in your relationship dynamic, you know it must be bad

your sky subscription has got fuck all to do with your boyfriend

Stuffed0live · 16/02/2015 13:15

Sky call centre workers have one aim and that is to sell. They will stop at nothing to get you to agree to a contract believe me - so don't be taken in by 'above and beyond job description', it's all in a day's work I'm afraid. However I'm glad you're wising up to your boyfriend's manipulating ways. My DP used to pull the 'wake me up for work' stunt and then verbally abuse me when he didn't wake up - as if I was responsible for his lazy arse! I fell for it in the early days because I love him and thought it was about people in love doing nice things for each other. It took a lot of non-reciprocation on his part for me to see the light. Over the years he has manipulated me to do all sorts, such as go to his place of work with pack ups when he was too lazy had forgotten to make his lunch, loan him petrol and cigarette money, give him lifts when he was without transport and many more things I'm too ashamed to acknowledge. No more! He gets tough love now and our relationship is better for it. Keep up the good work OP. I don't agree with previous posters who say he is trying to make you leave him - if that's the case then my DP has been trying to make me leave him for ten years! I simply believe men don't think the way we do and require a certain amount of training in this regard! (Sorry guys!) Wink

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 13:35

thanks...like I said before I hoped he isnt trying to make me leave him and would like to make the relationship change but I'm just not sure how...not sure he would be up for being trained hes so stubborn!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/02/2015 13:41

Sorry, stuffed, but your partner sounds like an arsehole too

if you have to "train" a man to meet the basic requirements of a decent person that is your choice but no way would I be presenting it as a valid choice for others Sad

Ohfourfoxache · 16/02/2015 16:16

Any man who needs "training" simply isn't worth your time.

People say that relationships take hard work. Now I don't want to come across as a smug cow, but actually that simply isn't true. NO relationship should require "hard work" in order to work at all. If it's "hard work" then it isn't right, and for the love of God, I wish some people could see this and just walk away.

And before anyone jumps on the sexist bandwagon, actually this applies to both sexes - some people are just inherently unpleasant and its a damned shame that so many people stay in relationships hoping that the other person will change.

BuzzardBird · 16/02/2015 16:19

I'm afraid that if the parents didn't do the 'training' or if on growing up they didn't work out how to be a decent human being then I'm out!

I am waiting for you confused to get the point where you say "you know what, fuck this, I can't be arsed with his pathetic arse anymore!"

There will a huge cheer from MN (and probably Sky man too)

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 16/02/2015 18:27

I honestly didn't believe a relationship could be easy until I met dh. Don't get me wrong, we've actually gone through a lot, but throughout everything he has made my life easier, not harder. If I'm upset he wants to be with me, he wants me to talk to him. That's all normal. All those nice things I do for him, he does for me too!

There are so many lovely men out there. Please don't settle for less. In the past I thought that if I worked at my relationship I could make it good. But the problem was that I was with an arse. That wasn't going to be made better by me being nicer. It just meant he got worse when he saw what I'd take.

You've had some great advice on this thread :)

Take your time, but don't take as long as me (it took me more than 3 years from realising I deserved better to actually leaving! All that time wasted!)

When a relationship is making you sad and stressed, it doesn't matter why he's doing it, it only matters that he doesn't make you happy.

Oh and I also used to say "if only my old dp would come back and he would stop being different" turns out the old dp was just him on his best behaviour. The real him was the nasty one.

I hope you will one day see what I did (and sooner than me!!) Flowers

Christinayang1 · 16/02/2015 18:37

So his only contact with you this weekend is to ask you to get him up for work?? Well done for not doing it, but can't you see it's another example of his awfulness, he knows you are upset , it's valentines day and he does nothing to make you feel good?

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 18:49

no hes sent loads of msgs I just havent replied....x

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 16/02/2015 19:00

Good for you, how does that make you feel

Ohfourfoxache · 16/02/2015 19:04

Good!

Did you go out with dd today? Did you have fun?

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 19:08

it doesnt make me feel good ignoring him ....should it?
we are going tomorrow now as had to do lots today but looking forward to it :) x

OP posts:
Christinayang1 · 16/02/2015 19:19

He will be wondering what the hell is going on, at least you are getting a bit of breathing space

Enjoy tomorrow!

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 19:26

bit of a role reversal anyway rather than me constantly wondering what I've done wrong! x

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 21:37

feeling the burn tonight I do miss speaking to him ( when hes not upsetting me that is ) its v.lonely without him ... I know I'm just being stupid tho ....x

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/02/2015 21:44

you have us ? will that do ?

SoleSource · 16/02/2015 21:44

IMO he avoided you at the weekend because you were upset on Friday by an unrelated incident. He can't handle you being upset. He runs away. He won't change.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 21:56

thanks AF...its a big help yes :)

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 21:58

@solesource yeah he cannot deal with me having feelings at all...whenever I say I'm upset he goes dont worry I'm ok, everythings fine babe....makes me wanna scream why is it always about u!!!

OP posts:
SoleSource · 16/02/2015 22:05

Communication is IMO one of the most important factors for a successful partnership. You cannot change your possible future of being with a man who cannot talk about real issues, unless you let go ad realise you two are too different and you need a man whom can relay how he feels in a grown up fitting manner.

I wasted years with a guy whom was emotionally immature.

Rots ya brain.

Original poster
confusedmum74 · 16/02/2015 22:10

I know what u mean.... I'm constantly trying to work out whether he just doesn't give a damn how I'm feeling or he just isn't able to talk about anyone's feelings but his own....

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/02/2015 22:12

is either of those two options a good bet for you ?