Help! Can somebody give an opinion on my Guardian Solulmates profile?

[Goingincircles1]

I joined last week. Sent 5 messages since then and no replies, got 3 messages from awful men ok maybe not awful but mildly sexist and not attractive at all. Also have been liked by 3 similar people.

I'm clearly doing something wrong so could somebody help me out and tell me what it might be?

Feeling mildly panicked!

I write (a lot) and have got paid well for it in the past but I would never dream of describing myself as 'a writer' in an introduction to who I am.

Hey come on Goingincircles!!! Your ego needs a bit of bolstering I think.

If you have been paid well for writing - that makes you A WRITER.

That is fabulous. Whatever writing it was, behind you are millions and millions of people who want to write and make money from it but never have. That is a great achievement.

You look a stunner in the pic. I'd add a couple more, one of your er average body(!) and one smiling, manically. They love that.

I agree with the man/woman thing being off-putting. Just sounds a bit too 'anything goes'. Sorry.

I think you sound far feistier/interesting in your posts here than on your profile, so I'd try to steal some of your own lines you've written here and put 'em on there.

Eg. "I wouldn't describe myself as a writer but yes, I have been paid for more words etc, etc

I'm philosophical. Why? Etc, etc.

There should be more kindness in the world."

I didn't get hardly any attention on Soulmates and as a result have a deep disdain/loathing of lefty men now.

Match was the place for me!

Ok, he has got stuck into cooking now, and conceded that Self Loathing's version is rather good. Basically, he says to be light, humorous, try to show your personality by what you say/ show rather than describing your personality directly. Don't be too detailed, imagine you are chatting to someone for five mins at a party, that level of information. Your profile is merely an introduction to get dates, where you can reveal more of your personality.

Just found this:-

peripauseforthought.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/guardian-soulmates-heavy-on-wankery.html

ie it looks like it's the men, not you

It's the whole of the Labour party I'm afraid. ;)

Yeah, I found they all wanted Amelie (from the film). But the OP has got that ethereal look going on - lovely - and she's young. I think she'll do well there.
You only have to meet one nice one after all.

Mainly agree with others

• smiley pic
• don't put 'average' under body type - I get what you are saying but it sounds unconfident/joyless
• the looking for men and women is just confusing - it almost sounds like looking for platonic friendship. Try one or other, explain you are bisexual on date.
• show, don't tell. Demonstrate who you are through interests/pics doing things - describing personality can sound navel-gazing
• I think it is totally reasonable to say you want kids, so do most people.
• you don't have to fake manic 'fun-ness' but remember it is perfectly possible to be a serious-minded person yet a great fun date.

Good luck you clearly have plenty going for you.

Of course say you want kids - (if you do!)

Its not like that's something to be ashamed of.

OP, my comment was about the presentation of your interests, not either your interests or you! I said it sounds like you are, not you are.

But yes, I would feel smothered by meaning the world to someone or whatever the phrasing was. It is probably why I am single

Agree with previous poster. Don't describe yourself with adjectives, show your personality through your writing. If you're witty and funny, write something that is witty and funny. If you're curious and philosophical, write something that reflects that.

oh and I would definitely write about posting your profile on one of the largest public forums asking thousands of women to critique your profile.

Because that alone would tell me a lot about you

(I'd be way too chicken shit to ever ever do it!)

OP you are lovely! good luck

Oh I agree with the person who said

Show who you are rather than tell who you are...

And that might be a good (tiny!) project for you to get your writing teeth into?

I put a profile up on gsm and although I never took it further, I got a lot more attention when I stopped trying to be accurate and put a tongue in cheek first line. I think not losing yourself in bland Internet spk is important, but remember you need to be a bit more pointed and obvious than you would in real life, so people 'get it' whilst speed reading a hundred profiles whilst on a tube with someone's armpit up their nostrils.

OP I've asked on another forum that I use for advice. It's used by men...I haven't added one detail which would identify you...I didn't mention MN or Soul Mates. Just asked them what attracts them to women's profiles on online dating when they're interested in finding a relationship and not just hooking up.

I will come back to tell you what they say!

Just back to say I love the version self loathing suggested. All the interests you mentioned but presented in a more light hearted and memorable way.

Think it would be great to mention that you write theatre - am sure that would really appeal to a lot of the GSM demographic.

As it goes, I tried GSM but found I attracted a lot of older, lonely male farmers. MSF and eharmony similarly disappointed. Match was by far the one best suited to me (once you learn to overlook the creeps who still get in touch) and where I eventually found my DH. Interestingly, I very nearly discounted him on his first three pictures as he looked quite sad, and it was only the last one which showed his cheeky grin which made me feel I should give him a chance. So yes - am all for smiley pictures - and very pleased to say I see that gorgeous smile, a lot more regularly now!

One man on the forum I asked has said that the problem is that online dating is overrun with awful wankers and that you will need to stick at it for a good while to get to the good stuff. He pointed out that a lot of men look for a full length picture which whilst he acknowledged is a shallow thing to do...he said that it's important and that men look at a body as something which is as or more important than a face.

I would be lying if looks weren't important to me so at least he was honest I suppose!

Hey I found this article today and thought of you. It's interesting, looking at the stats and maths behind people's success online dating, and intriguingly some of the conclusions go against a lot of the advice on this thread!

the mathmatics of love

Hmmm...not a member of GSM so can only read a few lines. Can someone post the complete profile text?

Hi I met DP through OLD but it took a while and a lot of being ignored, and a lot of peculiar messages from men just wanting sex. There are genuine people though, so keep at it, just have your wanker filter set on high.

I contacted DP first so men not liking that is rubbish. Or if it's true about a specific man, he isn't the type of man I'd be interested in either.

I also weeded out any who did want children (so I think you are right in mentioning this, it's such a fundamental thing you have to be in agreement on) so that I didn't waste the time of both of us.

I think your photo is fine - it's important to be yourself both in the picture and in the profile. It's the stuff that makes you an individual that is interesting to people viewing your profile so don't be afraid to be a little bit more specific in what you are saying. If you read as the same as everyone else then there's no motivation to contact you over anybody else.

Here are my thoughts, bearing in mind I'm not a subscriber.

I don't like the photo either. It's clear that you're attractive, but I don't think this is a flattering photo of you. Perhaps one smiling and looking straight into the camera would be better?

I wonder if listing 'let's see what happens' might attract men looking for a quick shag? There's nothing wrong with just putting LTR if that's what you want from the site.

I like your 'about me' - what little I can see of it, anyway. The first line of your 'what I'm looking for' is a bit vague and might also attract men looking for a 'physical' connection, if you get my drift.

Love the username - I can't stand Beckett but you will find men who do! Good luck.

A lot of comments here so apologies if I'm repeating the words of others.

Going by my experience (and we are all different!) during my OLD time, I got a lot of attention. That was more due to my profile text. I kept it short (they have the opp to find out more on a date) and witty - it's entirely possible to be witty without coming across as frivolous. So I included some random quirky facts about myself which seemed to work and which a lot of men referenced when replying to me.

My profile pic was a selfie. No monster pout but a tiny bit vain, shot at a flattering angle with (what I hoped) was a mysterious smirk!

As for the man/woman thing. To be brutally honest, if a man seeking either sex had contacted me, I'd have politely rejected him. But again, that is just me. Did like the suggestion about two profiles for either sex.

The very best of luck. You do sound like you'd make a lovely date, sadly on OLD it's all about the initial sell! It's why I only lasted two months on it...